Bratty Bratterson...

brachysira

I know toddlers can be a handful, but I need some advice.  M is an angel at organized things like library storytime, but terrible when she has a chance to decide what she wants.  I need to make mom friends and so organize a lot of moms group playdates at the park or other free places.  She always wants to do things that are not allowed and throws a big fit, obsesses over it, eventually can be distracted or changes her mind, and then repeats the whole thing over something else in 5 minutes.  Today at the park, she wanted me to help her get on a high slide and climb it, but I physically couldn't lift her to the high top of the slide and there were enough kids that she couldn't really hang out on the slide all day anyway.  So she just cried and tried to climb up on the slide herself for like 15 minutes.  Then she wanted to swim in the river, which is super big and it was also 60F outside.  She just kept running towards it, and screaming when I would remove her and show her something else to do.  Other events are often ruined by her wanting to hold trash she finds, but I can't let her run around with a bottle full of chewing tobacco or a sharp bottle cap.  Or her wanting toys that belong to someone we don't know.

When we are by ourselves, we often just leave when this behavior starts, but it's irritating, since it can take us, for instance, an hour to get ready to go to the splash pad and 20 minutes to drive there and we end up staying 2 minutes.  When I schedule playdates, I hate to leave because some people in the moms' group drive quite a while to meet up, and none of their kids do this.  Compared to other kids we know that are exactly her age, she seems more tuned in and aware, but these kids are not shrieking 50% of the time.  It is not a communication issue--we both know what she wants and she knows I understand.  Should we avoid these kinds of open things?  Just do them by ourselves?  Should I randomly take things away at home so she can practice not having exactly what she wants?  Staying home all day does not seem very good for her, but we can't afford to sign up for classes 8 hours/day, nor are there enough options if we did want to do this.

sarums4

@MichieU79‌ - yes, please share any book titles you find! We're struggling with this exact kind of behavior too, and just not sure how to best respond to help shape his behavior...

Myaflowers

We are getting into the same thing with DD. She is very determined and sometimes it's impossible to redirect her. Last weekend she had the worst tantrum I've ever seen because I wouldn't let her play with the cap to my water bottle (because she still puts things in her mouth). Since then, DH and I can't drink bottled water around her because she will come unglued. I'm hoping this will pass when she can talk more, but I have a feeling we are just dealing with a very stubborn young lady! I have no advice but I'll be watching this thread for suggestions.

brachysira

Yeah, what is it with water bottles?  She used to be content just to carry bottles around, but now she wants it unscrewed so she can practice putting the lid on...but the contents spill and she does take off with the lid and put it in her mouth, so we can't really allow that.  She loves to play with the big caps to metal water bottles too, and I let her, but she still ends up all wet.  She can't drink out of a sippy cup to save her life, but if DH or I order soda at a restaurant, she can get her own straw, put it in the cup, and drink soda like she has been doing it her whole life.  I used to be able to be like, here, play with this spoon instead, etc. but now she is like, "no, cup."  We are seriously going to have to figure out the parenting thing (and probably quit soda) ASAP.

Myaflowers

brachysira said:

Yeah, what is it with water bottles?  She used to be content just to carry bottles around, but now she wants it unscrewed so she can practice putting the lid on...but the contents spill and she does take off with the lid and put it in her mouth, so we can't really allow that.  She loves to play with the big caps to metal water bottles too, and I let her, but she still ends up all wet.  She can't drink out of a sippy cup to save her life, but if DH or I order soda at a restaurant, she can get her own straw, put it in the cup, and drink soda like she has been doing it her whole life.  I used to be able to be like, here, play with this spoon instead, etc. but now she is like, "no, cup."  We are seriously going to have to figure out the parenting thing (and probably quit soda) ASAP.

DD is playing with a water bottle cap as we speak. Thanks, DH. I've been drinking from my camelbak to avoid the whole water bottle issue. I bought her a kid's camelbak because she can drink from mine, but the plug keeps slipping out of the top and then water pours out everywhere. I am seriously pissed that I spent $12 on it! 

brachysira

Redirection sometimes works at home and used to work more in general.  Now I can move her to another slide multiple times and she still runs back to the slide she wants, and kicks and screams the whole time I am moving her.  Food distractions do work fairly often, but I don't want to rely on that.  

She says the words "trash" and "yuck" because trash-holding comes up so often.  Sometimes it is a game--she loves to grab the thing and say "trash trash trash" while running away from me, grinning.  But most of the time, she just obsesses over having it and cries and cries if I manage to make it inaccessible and just goes after it repeatedly if all I can do is pitch it far into the distance.  

I have just read that leaving is a good thing to do for a tantruming toddler.  At the splash pad, although she had gone in in the past and loved it, she did not want to go in.  She wanted to pull everything out of my bag.  I did not want her to do that because I was alone and did not feel like I could keep track of all the items and did not want my phone and wallet visible to strangers or soaked.  I tried to sit with her on the chair calmly, give her a drink, take her to gentle parts of the splash area, show her other kids having fun at the splash area, but she screamed the whole way away from the chair and when at the chair, always just wanted to unpack the bag.  At that point, we left, and I told her it was her fault we were not staying to have fun at the splash pad.  Partly punishment, and partly just that I couldn't figure out what to do.

ReeceFamily

FWIW, this is my current go-to for thoughts on toddler discipline!

https://www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/toddlers/discipline-managing-toddler

brachysira

I recently looked over that website when it was posted somewhere else on the bump.  I like it, and have been trying to use the advice on sharing.  We had a pretty good day at the beach today, so one day at a time.  Today's headache came from inside baby, who seems to be growing like the Hulk or something, and is causing a lot of tummy widening.