How long to wait before TTC again?

CherryPicked

When I found out about Caroline's diagnosis, I told myself to wait a year after I lose her to TTC again so that I have time to grieve.  Now that my house is empty, I find myself second guessing that decision and wanting to try again sooner than that.  How long did you wait and why?

ikrystal

I asked my OB, MFM, and RE.  They gave me a ball park of between 3-6 months for my body to be physically ready.  We ended up waiting for 5 months, for various reasons.  We don't feel like we will ever really be "ready," but will are as ready as we ever will be.  

lexusolsen

I was told at least six months because I will have to have another c-section. Dh and I have decided to wait a year so that we can both emotionally recover without worrying about it.

mumel16

My son was 8 months old when he passed away in May so we are already past any physical reasons to wait. My husband and I know without a doubt that we want more children, and that desire outweighs our fear that this will happen again, so we started TTC this month.

bunnybun4

we were told 6 months and then my OB reduced it to 4...we got pregnant immediately and then I miscarried.  I can not tell you how many wounds that opened back up.  Not trying to scare you...it is just a really hard road after a late loss...you have really got to be there emotionally and physically.  Even having a sucessful pregnancy after a loss is super hard.

It is very natural to want to try again immediately...ultimately you have to trust your OB and then yourself for if you are ready.

((hugs))

mmsweeney1

I was desperate to try again right away. I felt like the only way I could "fix" this was to be pregnant again. My husband was much more hesitant and kept saying he wasn't ready. It took a while for me to get a period back and I finally was pregnant 5 months after our loss. It was definitely what I needed to move forward. I needed something positive to focus on.

However........ this pregnancy has not been easy! We've had a few issues come up and it is so so stressful. My H got back into saying he wasn't ready for this. Of course we had no way of knowing this time would have complications since last time was so easy. I guess you just never know! Even if you're 100% ready, it will still be hard! Somehow, you have to decide what's best for you. (I know that is really not helpful, but everyone is different!)

BrittianyM

We are over a year out from losing our daughter Brooke to SIDS at 11 weeks 4 days old and my DH is still not ready. I thought that I have been ready but I am so glad that I have had this time to just focus on our daughter and being the best mom I can be to her. We want more kids and will but we know that it will never fix this or bring our daughter back. She is the one we want.

shandorfml2

I was told we could try again at my 6 week post partum appointment. We started trying that. Ignt. However I have pcos so getting pregnant could be difficult, and we are still trying over a year later. However, looking back, I was not emotionally ready until we past her first birthday. My intense grief would not have been good for the baby

dadalou

We were told to wait for 6 months because I had a c section. We still have about 2 months to go. I feel like we will be as ready then as we ever will be and we don't want to have even more space between our kids. DD will be at least 4 1/2 by the time the next one is born. We really want her to have a sibling.

AshersMom11

mmsweeney1 said:

I was desperate to try again right away. I felt like the only way I could "fix" this was to be pregnant again. My husband was much more hesitant and kept saying he wasn't ready. It took a while for me to get a period back and I finally was pregnant 5 months after our loss. It was definitely what I needed to move forward. I needed something positive to focus on.

This is exactly where I am now, but we were told to wait 6 months.

stefuge

I have had two c sections, and will have to have another, so we were told to wait at least 6 months, and were encouraged by my OB to wait a year. We are about 9 1/2 months out from our loss now and are just now starting to feel ready to try again. We still plan to wait til august, but are glad we had the time to grieve and really be ready. It is definitely a personal decision. A lot of people say that when your desire for another baby outweighs your fear of losing a baby, then you are ready. I don't know that I agree with that - for me I think that fear will always be there - but I know that I want another baby and that I am as ready as I could be.

kflynn81

Our loss of Jack was very physically traumatic and they have zero answers for why any of it happened so our doctors had varying opinions of when vs. if we should try again. The general consensus was around 6 months but I'm stubborn and went back to my infertility doctor at 4 months, which is good because I ended up needed surgery anyways which would have delayed TTC further had we waited. As it turns out we'll be doing our frozen transfer about 7 months after we lost Jack

angelsnight

Ticker warning, rainbow mentioned

Since our loss was at 22 weeks, physically we were cleared to try again at 6 weeks, but my OB recommended 6 months to a year emotionally.  But we couldn't wait that long, we had already had an early loss and infertility and MH and I are now both 35 so we wanted to try again soon.

We began trying around 8 weeks PP, our first cycle didn't work but I got pregnant with my rainbow our second cycle.  I wasn't too bummed the first cycle, I acknowledged that an extra month to grieve didn't hurt, but I know I would have been very upset had it not happened the second one.

Pgal is hard, very hard.  There were times when I was absolutely 100% convinced we would lose her too.  And no matter how much I tell myself we did not replace Kayla, I always felt guilt over it (but I think I'll always feel this way, trying later wouldn't have helped).  I was very angry during my pregnancy because everyone seemed to not acknowledge my fears, not understanding why I was so scared, or treating me as if we should be "cured" now because we had another baby on the way.  I'm sure not having a lot of time to grieve contributed to the anger and the anxiety....it was all still so fresh, and as it turns out our rainbows due date was just two days before the day Kayla was born, and she ended up coming 5 days before, so that was hard to be back in L&D almost a year to the day.

But, I won't lie....I know being pregnant and getting our rainbow helped with our grief too.  She doesn't replace Kayla and having her doesn't mean we don't miss Kayla and we wish we could have them both, but I know this past year has been immeasurably easier because of Emily.  Christmas was bittersweet, but I am sure if I hadn't been pregnant I would have curled up into a dark corner and wanted to murder anyone who was cheery and bright.

In the end you really just have to go with what you feel.  Don't let what others may think or say deter you, or pressure you into doing it sooner.  You love Caroline with all your heart, so having another won't change that.  After all, people with living children don't stop loving their first born just because they want more kids.  ((hugs))