What is your TTC philosophy?

Austrogermokee

I try to be very Zen about the process. We did some testing (SA, AMH, thyroid, HSG) and have had consultations with an RE. The RE said everything came back normal, so I've refused to worry. If I don't get pregnant this cycle, we're going to try Femara for three cycles and then discuss options from there. We may decide to move forward with IUI, or we may even decide to walk away and adopt or live childfree. I've put a huge priority on minimizing stress as much as possible, not searching every corner of the Internet for information, and not putting TTC above my marriage. We chose a doctor who shares that philosophy and doesn't push a lot of invasive tests or aggressive treatments.

Sometimes, though, I feel like I'm doing it wrong. A friend basically freaked at me in a FB group because I hadn't had enough tests done, DH needed another SA and to see a urologist, I needed to go straight to injectables, and we needed to be way more aggressive. I think she was projecting her own struggles on to me, particularly when she started saying my AMH is a huge problem. Her AMH is 2.1 and she has DOR, so apparently mine is a catastrophe....except she's forgetting that I'm five years older than her and that changes things. Afterwards, I felt deflated and anxious about TTC, instead of my usual patient and optimistic.

So, what is your philosophy? And how do you deal with friends and family who want you to do things differently?

kelley72

I like your approach!  Some days I'm fully in recognition of the blessings I've received and so ok with whatever happens- that is a realistic, peaceful way to be happy - but yes sometimes I'm gripped with fear about age and how unlikely it is to conceive again at my age with no RE assistance.

I may be a little different than others in the +40 group bc of our inability to afford RE assistance and also no willingness to go that route. 

I don't discuss our efforts with people that I infer wouldn't be supportive which means I get information/suggestions and support here and other boards.  Dh and I do not discuss our plans and never did with anyone.

Best wishes for you!  You sound reasonable and at peace with yourse

Austrogermokee

I definitely think I'm going to keep more quiet. Yes, I want to be a mom, but I'm not willing to make myself crazy or deplete our retirement fund to do it. I think if you want to be aggressive, that's fine, but that's just not something that would work in our lives.

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Sharon&Paul

We are in a little different situation than others. We are trying for number 4 casually. We have both said we would like another child, but are not going to through any treatment beyond normal sex. If it does not happen than we will be grateful for our three daughters.

MoreTacosPlease

I'm trying to be Zen and went into it trying to minimize craziness. Since I have a female partner, we had to start with IUI which was fine by me. Now that we're on our 5th cycle, I'm losing a little Zen... not because 5 cycles is unusual for a 37 year old, just because we don't have unlimited money to keep at it. 

I've been lucky not to be getting any flack, but then again I've only told a few very close friends. I think it's nuts for people to tell anyone how to go about conceiving instead of just being supportive!

Austrogermokee

I fully reserve the right to go crazy later, of course. For now, I'd rather just trust my doctor and chill out than constantly demand the latest tests and treatments.

kindershlitz

I have been trying to stay cool about it all but the last month failing was hard on me. I talk to a few people about it that I trust but not everyone.  Mostly I read things here to get perspectives.  I am ready to start to be more aggressive as well as DH, so we will see what our second OB consult brings.  We do fine, but we don't have super resources, so I don't know what will be the best path to follow.

I agree it's hard when people have opinions particularly when they don't know the whole story (how long you've been trying, what you have tried, etc.)

lgsdesigner

My philosophy: If it was meant to happen, it was meant to happen. I feel that every person born was a person meant to be born, and even though TTC can be very difficult and take you into the world of the ‘unknown’ and ‘what ifs’, you just have to try until you feel you have done your best.

You, as a couple, know when enough is enough. I try not to stress about it too much. I just think that whatever happens is what my life was supposed to be made up as.

Plus—the more calm you are about it, the better your relationship with your SO, and the better you will feel overall mental health-wise

Davie813

**child mentioned**

I admire everyone's laid-back attitudes!

I'm trying to be more relaxed about it, and I think the fact that we have DD makes it a whole different experience than for those TTC #1.   When I'm feeling down about being unsuccessful (again!) I make it a point to remember how lucky I am.  Still, although there's obviously nothing wrong with being an only child, the possibility that she'll never have a sibling does make me sad.

That said, I've just never believed that things are/aren't meant to be, or that they happen for a reason.  (My trouble getting pregnant is of course happening for a reason--I'm old--but I have trouble believing it's part of the grand design.  It just sucks.)  So, right now at least, DH and I are willing to be as aggressive as it takes--insurance coverage permitting. 

That may very well change once we're in the thick of treatment.  That's one thing I've learned on here: that what feels right/acceptable to any woman/couple now is almost certain to evolve as time goes on.  I hope pps are right, though, that when we're "done," we'll know it and feel at peace with it, even if we don't have another baby.

I haven't actually gotten any baby-making advice from friends/family (thank heavens).  I really hope it stays that way!

Lesliem0901

I guess for me, I'll know the end is here if I move on to IVF and we're not successful with it. Since I've been CF this long, I know I can put my energy into other avenues like wellness, traveling and charity work but I'm trying to to go there. I have to believe this will work until it doesn't.

tlc35

We pretty much plan to do whatever it takes at this point.  We are still in the trying naturally phase right now but if we don't have a successful pregnancy by the end of the year we will go to a RE.  I would want to try anything necessary up to and including donor gametes if needed.  I hope we won't have to go the invasive route but if needed we will. 

URMySunshine77

DH and I haven't discussed what will happen if we have trouble conceiving. Right now we've been trying for three months and we haven't optimized timing. Also, my cycles just started to regulate since my PP period returned. So I feel comfortable trying four more months with better timing. Then I would call my OB and get her perspective on our next steps.

bumpuser10258960

*child mentioned*

DH and I have a pretty laid back philosophy about TTC. I already have a child (with my XH) so the "need" isn't as strong for me as my "want" (and DH is "fine either way") so we have decided to try 6 months without any kind of assistance. After 6 months, I'll start OPK and temping. After 12 months of that, I might get some preliminary testing to see if something is wrong that could be cured with minor assistance, like medicine. But if by the end of 2015 we are unsuccessful or if any initial testing shows that TTC would be a greater challenge, then we have decided to be ok with not having additional kids. If unsuccessful, we fully intend to downsize our big a$$ house, and move somewhere fun and really "live" more. (my son will be over 18 by that point). 

mommyre

***Children Mentioned****

I think that we are in a bit of a different situation. I have an 11 year old from a previous marriage and he has a 15 year old. We are not telling anyone that we are TTC. We are not in the greatest financial situation, and don't want to hear complaining for those who feel you must have a ton of  money to reproduce. We also know that I had fertility issues with TTC #1. They were my issues, so they may continue. We don't want to do a lot of tests right now, because of the cost and obvious nature having them done. I also don't think I am capable of listening to certain family members remind me how fertile they are or asking why we are not successful yet.

We are doing everything we can as far as making healthier lifestyle choices, charting, and purposeful bding during fertile times (maximizing the swimmers and their journey). We are trying to be very relaxed about it as far as not freaking out when AF arrives and knowing we are blessed. I would say you have the right attitude. Don't let anyone tell you what your journey should be. Every journey is different. Appreciate the advice others offer, but do what you feel is best for you.