Thinking more about babies...

kaitlyn&henry

I am also a long time lurker here...and posting because Id love some advice on this reoccurring topic. 

Most posts i see are women with baby fever and a DH thats wanting to wait. In my case its reversed. My DH wants a baby and has for about a year and a half now. We have been married 3 years. He is turning 30 I am 25. So we are both still young. 

I originally wanted kids right away when we got married while my DH was open to it but still like eh if it happens it happens attitude...even though i was younger I felt ready. We both were solid in our jobs and settled and ahead of the curb in that sense. But then we both decided to take a step up in our careers and upgrade to a house so I sorta put it all on hold thinking things should settle. Things have since settled...and now he has baby fever BAD and I am feeling not sure. 

I also have gotten really passionate about my hobbies and love our freedom to pick up and make last minute plans. The only way i can do my hobby is by working a few extra hours a weekend (which the weekend job is fun and hobby related so not really working for me) to pay for it as it is expensive and its what my DH and i agreed on. So obviously when thinking about babies I realize somethings gotta give and that is the most logical...but it breaks my heart since this hobby is such a huge role in my life. Sometimes it adds stress sometimes it relieves it but point is i love it and always have. 

Is it normal to feel worried you have to have to give something so important like this up in order to have a baby? I feel terribly selfish and because of that, feel its just not time then. I have been getting those feelings of wanting a baby...ALOT but havent expressed them to my DH for fear he will just get so excited. If i had more time in a day and could do it all I wouldnt hesitate to have a baby. 

The more i think about it. The more i have the urge for one...I am just terrified Ill lose such an important part of my life. **Sigh** My mom says i shouldnt want to do anything else other then be a mom when im truly ready. But i cant help feel sad thinking about that...why cant I still retain a part of me AND be a mom...why not do both?

Can anyone else relate or add insight?

kaitlyn&henry

Thank you Darbie...that does make me feel better. I realize some things will go on the back burner just terrified it will all go away completely forever.

I feel like its expected to be a mom and mom only...I have two older siblings that literally do nothing else and I currently feel like Its frowned upon to even think of having other things in my life if i have a baby. 

PB&J714

I personally think it's unhealthy for parents to only focus on their children. IMO, that can lead to crumpling relationships with spouses, friends, family, etc. There is a balance that every parent needs to find. That balance between time for the children, time for the spouse, time for work, and (very importantly) time for themselves. You can't expect yourself to be a good parent unless you take care of yourself and stay happy. It's a big change, but having children does not necessarily take away every other part of your identity and it shouldn't.

kaitlyn&henry

So i now dont feel so crazy wanting to hold on to that piece of my life!! Now i guess its just a matter of when i really feel ready. 

Like i said I have been having "urges" that feel instinctual...like its time. But my head says wait to figure it all out first. I guess the sole fact im questioning if im ready means im not ready

BlueBirdMB

Your mom is definetely wrong- being a parent isn't every one's first priority and that's okay.  However, you should really wait to have a child until you think having a child would be a first priority.  But that doesn't mean you can't have other things in your life.  You can and should as long as you want your child to be the most important.  I work with children all day long and one of the biggest problems I see is children looking outside the family, searching for something or someone to fulfill their lives because their parents weren't around enough to fill those gaps.  It's all about balance.

If you don't feel ready yet, then you aren't' ready yet.  I've worked very hard the past 4 years to build my business and I want to just enjoy it and go with the flow for a while.  When I have a baby I want to lessen my hours to part time so that I can be home, but I'm not ready for that yet.  At all.  So we won't have a baby until I am ready.

Darbie has some great advice.  You can't listen to everyone.  You have to figure what works for you