Thought I was baby's mama #2...

Natspoiledbrat

turns out I am #3. So I just found out this week that my ex has been hiding a kid from everyone! I wanted to see how much he pays monthly for child support and found two separate support orders! WTH? And to make matters worse, this support order was filed 4 years after we started dating. So he was obviously cheating on me! If I knew he had a kid out there that he doesn't claim, I would have broken things off with him years ago!

tig594

Not necessarily.  What if whoever he knocked up just filed when their kid was a little older?  

Natspoiledbrat

That's crossed my mind, but why would he hide this kid. His mom doesn't even know!

20thirteen

Sorry that's the way you found out, that's awful.  I haven't bothered checking on my ex's background, he claims one of his ex's got an abortion some years ago and I have no idea whether or not that's true (he was a HUGE liar, I found out after we broke up).  But I agree with tig, maybe the girl didn't file until the child was older.  Of course, that's just as much a possibility as him cheating but either way, you don't know.  Try not to focus on that, he's a prick, he's apparently gone, forget him.

Were you looking into filing CS for your LO?  Is that why you were looking up how much he pays monthly?

20thirteen

I should also mention, I don't receive CS from my ex, not because he doesn't pay but because I told him I wanted absolutely NOTHING from him and NOTHING to do with him.  All my LO is going to know is his name. 

tig594

Cheating and/or hiding a child would be a deal breaker for me, too.  But then when it comes to BD I'm notorious for making stupid choices.  It's just him, though.  I mean, if anyone else put me through the shit he has I'd have kicked 'em to the curb ages ago.  I'm getting there, though.  Anyhoo, he told me about his son a few years ago which was fine.  I should have ran for the hills, though, when I learned his son's mom was 15 when he knocked her up.  He was 23 at the time.  WTF??

Natspoiledbrat

Yeah total deal breaker! I feel so stupid for wasting 9 years of my life with him! He is not a good person, I just didn't find out until it was too late. I am planning on filing for child support. A part of me says no, I'm more than capable of doing it on my own and another part of me wants him to have to remember what a douche bag he is every time he sees the garnishment on his check. I don't imagine I will get much, but I'm just going to put any penny from him in my LO's savings and hopefully my baby can have a nice chunk of change for a vehicle in 16 years.

Natspoiledbrat

I don't even care that he was possibly cheating on me at this point. It's amazing how fast you can fall out of love with someone! I'm more mad at myself for not seeing his character flaws until now.

20thirteen

Those were my feelings exactly. But in the end, I chose to do it on my own. Because I can do it. I know I can. And now I have a BF who has more than stepped up and filled the shoes of a father figure and then some. That may or may not be the case with your life, who knows. But when you find someone who loves you and cares for your LO as much as you do, it doesn't even matter that BD wasn't around. That's how I feel about it anyway.

Natspoiledbrat

Thank you!  I hope to one day find someone that can be a father figure for my son.  I hurts so much because I know first hand what an amazing thing it is to have a father who would do anything for you and love you unconditionally, and to imagine my son not having that breaks my heart.

freeatlast2014

Wow, I'm sorry this happened to you.
I agree, make him pay. Every little but helps. And shame on him. Wonder how his mom reacted?

@beccaga16‌ how do you run a check? Is there a charge? How can you check for DV and child support?

Natspoiledbrat

The crazy thing is that I don't think his mom has a clue about my pregnancy or the other baby.  I'm also debating on contacting her and letting her know about my pregnancy.  As far as running a check, you can check the court website for your jurisdiction.  I'm in New Mexico, and I just searched his name and birthday on NMcourts.gov and it pulls up any court cases, criminal or civil.  That is how I found out.  I was also able to find out that his license was suspended about a year ago for non-payment, but he paid $2000 and got it reinstated. 

To make matters worse, I sit here and think about how miserable his life is going to be because he is going to have to face the guilt of abandoning 2 children someday, and I actually feel sorry for him.  Ugh!  What is wrong with me!!!

freeatlast2014

Don't feel sorry for him. Men have a way of forgiving themselves and justifying their actions. Ignorance is their bliss - I know from my own relationship with my dad. I found him when I turned 26...and he makes no extra effort like I think he should. But he's the perfect dad and provider for his wife (who was sahm for over 10 years) and his 3 children with her.

Natspoiledbrat

I just don't understand how these guys can be a "good" father to one kid and not to the other!  It blows my mind! 

inthelost

I agree hiding a child is a dealbraker, cheating or not. forget him and move on

freeatlast2014

Natspoiledbrat said:

I just don't understand how these guys can be a "good" father to one kid and not to the other!  It blows my mind! 

I tell you, this reply has me all fired up. I'm supposed to be meeting my dad for dinner tonight with his kids and mine since I won't have my kids on Father's Day and now I totally don't want to go. I hope they don't expect for me to pay (even though it was my idea to go to dinner). I also didn't want to drive all the way to their house so it's a half way point. Ugh. Why should I meet him half way even?!?!?!??! Why do men suck? My dad for abandoning me, my stepdad for abusing me, my husband for being the way he was and leaving his family instead if getting help. I'm totally hijacking this post and ranting and feeling sorry for myself. I'll stop here.