Another sleep-related question

anythingelseplease · June 2014

I am sure that you are all sick of sleep questions but I am out of ideas and can't seem to find any new ones from my old fiend Google.

Problem: My 2 year old will not go to sleep without screaming/crying for upwards of 45 minutes or me sitting with her until she falls asleep. Added bonus- if I sit with her she can take upwards of an hour to fall sleep (but she doesn't cry). Extra bonus- if do get her to fall asleep in her room alone she will wake up at least twice more during the night and begin the crying cycle again.

Attempted solutions:

1. Transition to a toddler bed: we had to do this a few months ago as she was jumping out of her crib. She did well with the transition at first, but has taken to running after me as I try to leave her room. I've tried minimal talking and just putting her back in bed but she can keep doing it as long as I can with no end in sight.

2. Earlier bedtime/Later bedtime: (she's currently in bed between 7:30 and 8:00) but we've tried 7 and earlier than that would be difficult to manage with work schedules, later made no difference either

3. Shorter naps/longer naps: she's currently sleeping about 1.5 hours from (1:30-3:00) I've tried to get her to nap earlier but she will fight the nap and usually not actually fall asleep until 130 or 2. Sometimes I let her nap longer and don't wake her up - either way bedtime is the same. She can't make it all day without a nap. She starts to fall asleep around 5pm and I can't keep her up.

4. Bedtime routine (been the same since she was just a baby- bath, pjs, milk, story, song, bed)

5. Cry It out: it worked well enough when she about a year old, she always cried herself to sleep, but she was down to just a minute or two for a long time, tried again more recently and she will cry for more than an hour, and will wake up multiple times during the night as well with no decrease in length of crying or amount of wake ups over time. Also tried Ferber with check ins but she just keeps freaking out every time I leave and it can go on and on for hours.

6. Sleep lady shuffle: stayed in her room until she falls asleep, sat with her in her room for each wake up, slowly moved further out of the room. I couldn't follow through with this one. She started extending how long it took for her to fall asleep over time until I was in there for 2 hours each night waiting for her to fall asleep. Also I kept falling asleep in the chair in her room in the middle of the night so effectively she was getting me to sleep in her room (what she wants).

7. Mattress on the floor in my room: this is where we are now. I have to sit in my bed and she sleeps on a mattress on the floor. I don't really have a problem with her sleeping in my room, but I have to sit with her until she falls asleep and that can take a long time.

I just don't know how to get her to go to sleep without her freaking out and without sitting with her for hours. Ideally I would want her to sleep in her room all night but I would even take her sleeping in my room, but going to sleep alone. Anyone have something that worked for them?

ashiscute · June 2014

How long has this been going on? How long did you try a solution before deciding it didn't work and moving on? It sounds like you have tried lots of different things but you usually need to stick with something for a bit so they can get the hang of it.

First, I would not ever mess with naps. Her nap time and length sound normal so I wouldn't touch those.

Second, I'd put a gate at her door so she couldn't leave her room. That way if you put her to bed she can't run after you.

If you are positive there isn't a reason she isn't sleeping (ear infection, teething, etc) then I would pick an approach and keep to it for a significant amount of time. I personally wouldn't stay in there while she fell asleep but I know lots of people do that. We did more Ferber style with checks with our LOs and yes it sucked. But if you are consistent that's the most important thing.

Ceridwen21 · June 2014

Have you tried a rewards system? We have similar problems with DS, but often have decent nights when we encourage him with sticker rewards (like gold to him). When the bedtime routine starts (PJs, teeth, etc) we start talking about the stickers. Which one will he choose tomorrow? Where will he put it? He gets excited and it often does the trick.

I agree that consistency is key. Have a routine and rules and stick to it. DS now knows that he only gets 1 water break and 1 pee break after he goes to bed (usually used up within the first 5 mins LOL), and after that mom and dad will not go back into his room (we keep the door closed). It does result in some tears but usually nothing too dramatic.

Good luck. Sleep issues at this age are tough.

anythingelseplease · June 2014

Thanks so much for the advice. You are all right- consistency is my biggest problem- I think it helps to hear someone else point it out. We travel a lot (my family lives 1000 miles away and we try to visit every 3 months) so as soon as something works the schedule is changed because we are on a trip and have a time change and different sleeping arrangements. So we wind up starting over every time we get back home. I need to figure out our system and stick with it. Thanks everyone.