How does your SO feel about TTC?

lgsdesigner

How does your significant other feel about TTC? 

 

How are they feeling about the baby-making process? Eager? Overwhelmed? Ecstatic? Worried?

 

My fiancé is beyond excited! Even though I am charting now to see where my cycles are, I don’t really start TTC until end of August or September (once married).

When he discovered I ovulated this week, he wanted to attack me…haha! He is really ready for baby-making!

 

**child mentioned**

I already have two from a previous marriage (6 yr old and 2.5 yr old), but this will be his first biological child.

He is slightly worried only because with both my children, I had to go on bedrest the last 4-7 weeks due to pre-term labor (I make big babies and have a weak cervix), but we will keep our fingers crossed it doesn’t happen again.

Austrogermokee

DH is excited but doesn't know how to be helpful. It's exasperating and adorable.

He's always sending RE appointments way off track by discussing with me how I'll get to my next appointment and seriously, the doctor DOES NOT CARE about our joint Prius and work schedules, and we need to stuff it and focus on the dang diagnosis. Or he'll insist we start BDing way before my fertile window, so by the time I O we're running out of steam. 

Or, when I was getting an HSG, it turned into a tremendous email back and forth about appointment times and transportation and if he was picking me up at my office or not and OH MY GOSH we planned our honeymoon with less effort than it took to get me to a hospital 1.2 miles away.

Or he'll tell me to "just relax" about TTC. Or he'll act bewildered when I say I find the process stressful, and that I just want to get pregnant already. Like, dude, I had a clamp put in my junk and dye shot up my hooha. I'm so over it and I want the invasive tests to be about a baby, not about why I don't have a baby.

I've had to give him exact instructions, and things are getting better. "DH, when we're at the doctor's office, please let her do most of the talking, and save questions for the end." "DH, I'd like a cup of hot tea and some peace and quiet." "DH, I really need to keep my stress levels down, so let's make a decision and stick with it."

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kelley72

My dh is pretty laid back with ttc, he gets psyched out if I talk too much about temps, cf/cp, etc so I don't share that with him, just dress or undress for success when its time!

Davie813

DH is Good, Giving, and Game.  (I know baby-making isn't exactly what Dan Savage has in mind with that, but it fits.)  He's definitely more OK with DD being an only child than I am, but he's a trooper because he knows it's important to me.  He does his best when I ask him what he thinks of my chart and other fun stuff, dutifully takes his supplements, and performs on command.  I'm with @JimBobCooter, though, in not liking what it's doing to our sex life.  This is more on my end than his, but it still sucks...

tlc35

Hugs @jimbobcooter.
My H was really chill when we first started, kinda when it happens, it happens mindset.  Then since the m/c he has been much more determined about it.  The other night he asked me how taking my temperature was going.  I don't share too many of the details of charting since I don't want to overwhelm him with my crazy.

PrivateOne

After nearly five years of TTC, countless RE appts, way too many blood draws, numerous vaginal tours, and 3 IVFs under our belt and still no baby in our arms, it has definitely taken its toll on us. I don't mean to be cynical, but our TTC journey has definitely altered my perception towards those who think you can just relax, monitor for ovulation, and you'll be pregnant in no time.  For some it is so true and others it is one long, emotional and tough journey. Through it all though I have to say my husband has remained positive and done whatever needed to be done.  He supports me to no end and believes we will be successful.

JimBobCooter - I feel your pain.

Davie813

PrivateOne said:

After nearly five years of TTC, countless RE appts, way too many blood draws, numerous vaginal tours, and 3 IVFs under our belt and still no baby in our arms, it has definitely taken its toll on us. I don't mean to be cynical, but our TTC journey has definitely altered my perception towards those who think you can just relax, monitor for ovulation, and you'll be pregnant in no time.  For some it is so true and others it is one long, emotional and tough journey. Through it all though I have to say my husband has remained positive and done whatever needed to be done.  He supports me to no end and believes we will be successful.

JimBobCooter - I feel your pain.

Hugs to you.  I really hope this upcoming IVF is the one that proves your DH right!

URMySunshine77

DH wants another child, but I don't think that he is as fully invested as I am. It also seems like having sex in my FW turns him off. He will initiate sex at other points in the month, but it is such an ordeal to have sex in the crucial days. This is supposed to be fun, and I can't wait for TTC to be over.

Mrs.McIrish

PrivateOne said:

After nearly five years of TTC, countless RE appts, way too many blood draws, numerous vaginal tours, and 3 IVFs under our belt and still no baby in our arms, it has definitely taken its toll on us. I don't mean to be cynical, but our TTC journey has definitely altered my perception towards those who think you can just relax, monitor for ovulation, and you'll be pregnant in no time.  For some it is so true and others it is one long, emotional and tough journey. Through it all though I have to say my husband has remained positive and done whatever needed to be done.  He supports me to no end and believes we will be successful.

JimBobCooter - I feel your pain.

@JimBobCooter‌ and PrivateOne-- yep, the fun of TTC stopped years ago. Hugs to both.

BeckyP005

MH never wanted to pursue donor eggs. He is doing this for me. Yes he will be happy if this works and will be an excellent father but the money is killing him. I realize others have spent WAY more than us but he will not go into debt for a baby. I'm afraid what will happen if this cycle doesn't work.

I feel guilty at times for sure especially when he just cancelled a trip to Chicago with friends. It makes me sad that others will do..spend whatever it takes and we won't. I'm sure I'm not the only one out there. Sometimes it is really hard to read posts on people not giving up at whatever cost.

It's been a long 3 years of ups and downs and agruing. Sorry for the whininess Can I borrow YH's

Davie813

@BeckyP005, so many hugs to you.  It makes me so sad that so many of you are having such a hard time with this.  I want so badly for this to work for you.

Yes, you can borrow MH.  But you'll need to take my MIL, too.

BeckyP005

@Davie813‌ no way!!! Sorry but your husband is out haha. Will u put any baptism pics up on fb?

BeckyP005

It's sad for all of us

lgsdesigner

Wow, ladies…I am so sorry to hear about all the things you are all going through. I really hope things look up for you all soon, and you get the baby you deserve.

 

Honestly—I am a little scared of TTC this round. I had my first two when I was much younger (28 and 32), and now I am unsure I will have the same luck as before.
I’m just going to stay positive and try to keep as healthy as possible and see what happens.

Davie813

BeckyP005 said:

@Davie813‌ no way!!! Sorry but your husband is out haha. Will u put any baptism pics up on fb?

It hadn't occurred to me (because it never occurs to me to post anything there), but for you, I'll do my best!

Lesliem0901

Some days I think my DH is the most supportive and loving man to go through this journey with me; other days I want to karate chop the back of his head. The latter feeling usually rises during FW. I feel he should just be able to initiate sex without me having to wake him up from sleeping, etc.  I want him to be standing in the bedroom smiling and naked with a big ole hard-on (and maybe a bow wrapped around it).
@BeckyP005, @JimBobCooter, and @URMySunshine77 - UGH...I'm sorry. I get it.

Fredifer1115

I have avoided using the affectionate term "baby" during love making (can we even call it that anymore?) because it's like, "BABY!!  We are making a BABY?!  I have to try harder!!" and then,,,well, nothing is very hard anymore...if you get my drift.

It's definitely more in his head than mine, and I feel bad because I am the one with DOR, but he's the one stressing out.

CaraH

** child and loss mentioned**

My husband is actually the 100% enthusiastic one right now.  I'm just so tired of it all, and I think the mc this winter really took alot out of me.  (Which he totally gets.)  I've toyed with the thought of stopping and just appreciating the amazing child we do have.  He's definitely not ready.  Though, on the  way to IVF class tonight he did say "I can't believe we have to do this."  So, it is wearing on him some, too.  But, he really wants another biological child.  This is it, though.  I am so done with ttc after this one.  If we want more kids, we'll wait until our kids are a bit older and we'll adopt from foster care.)

We seem to go back and forth on how it effects us in the bedroom.  I remember last summer, when we started seeing the RE, I told my sister how glad I was that we were going to move baby making to the doctor's office and reclaim our bedroom.  And then after months of having people in my vagina, it no longer felt that way.  We're just recovering our enthusiasm in the bedroom, and I think its as much the idea that we'll be left alone for a couple of months while we get ready for IVF.  We've also been together for 15 years this August. So, you know, things tend to cycle a bit anyway!

CML11

MH is very supportive. He tried to ask questions and will try to act interested in my temps/charts.
For the most part we try to just live life normally (with minor changes on the 2WW) and only occasionally talk about IF stuff. It just gets us wound up, stressed about it for nothing. We both do better when we have other topics to distract ourselves with.