Parenting after a Loss
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I guess this is where I belong now?

I had my IUD removed may 6, so we were thrilled when I got a faint but for sure (per digi) BFP on May 30. I was charting, so it was 14dpo. It was faint though....which gave me a not great feeling from the start. I wasn't tired or sore at all like I was with #1. Again, a sign from the start that all was not right.

I started spotting yesterday morning, which progressed to moderate bleeding. I had an ultrasound today. I couldn't look at the screen....I just laid there and cried while my husband and the tech both held my arms. The baby is gone. I would have been 5w3d.

I'm staying home from work tomorrow. My boss told me to take as much time as I need....what's a normal amount? I was barely even pregnant...

I'm sending my daughter to daycare tomorrow. It's crazy. Sad. I can only handle her in small doses. Her hugs and kisses are both comforting and painful. It hurst so much that she won't be a big sister right now.
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Re: I guess this is where I belong now?

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    I'm so sorry for your loss.  There is no normal amount of time.  For my first loss, it was very early like yours, I think I was 4 weeks 2 days....we lost it less than a week after finding out we were pregnant.  I took that day off work because I started bleeding the night before and it was more that morning, but I went back the next day.

    When we lost our daughter at 22 weeks, I took six weeks off work, but I gave birth, had a funeral and all of that. 

    If you have some vacation time and your boss is cool with it, maybe take a few days to deal with the raw emotions.  It's been over two years since my first loss, and I still think of it to this day, I'm still sad over it, wondering what this baby would have been, but going on to lose our daughter kinda "trumped" my emotions about the first one.  A loss is something you never "get over", but I was very sad for a while after my first loss.  It was at least a week or so before I stopped crying at the drop of a hat.  But I will say you want to be careful about taking too much time off.  For me, spending a lot of time alone and not doing anything after some devestating only makes me feel worse.  Going back after a few days could help distract you and make you feel a little better.    Despite only being pregnant for a short time, perhaps the biggest sadness about pregnancy loss is the loss of what could have been. 

    Of course a later loss impacts your life differently, but every loss, no matter how far along is the loss of the future, and that hurts very badly.  Take care of yourself, big hugs to you.

    Lilypie - (fm2j)

    Lilypie - (YesX)

     My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks.  Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!

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    I'm sorry for your loss.

    The amount of time you take off varies greatly depending on many things.  

    Personally, my first miscarriage I took 5 weeks and my second loss I took 4 days.  The reasons why are as different as the two different pregnancies.  My first loss was at 21 weeks and I had delivered, so I needed more time to heal physically.  It was also my first loss and it impacted me more deeply.  My second loss was at 6 weeks and there was no physically recovery and I had developed the emotional ability to recover faster.  It's not that I loved my second baby any less, but the loss was just different.

    Take the time you feel that you need.  I generally waited until I was calm enough to go work without crying constantly or wanting to blow up on someone if they asked a stupid question.

    Big  {{hugs}}

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

    imageimage
    BFP #1 - 01/12/12, EDD 09/12/12, Medical Induction @ 21 weeks 05/03/12
    BFP #2 - 10/30/12, EDD 07/04/13, Natural m/c @ 5 weeks 11/01/12
    BFP #3 - 02/07/13, EDD 10/12/13
    Dx: Incompotent Cervix

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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    102007102007 member
    A nurse just called with my bloodwork results. My platelet count is low, though the bleeding is starting to ease up so they aren't too worried. My beta was only a 9. I guess this means that the baby didn't get much farther than the positive test. I was not looking forward to going back to the women's hospital for my next, and likely final, draw, so luckily it sounds like I can go to any lab in the system and there is one at a clinic near me.

    We're actually leaving town on Saturday to visit my sister for 5 days. Since I had already cleared my schedule of all but one assignment in preparation for vacation, my manager said that they will get someone else to do it, so I am just going to take the rest of the week off. I believe I probably could go in Thursday or Friday, but it seems like a lot of effort for little purpose.

    Ironically, my sister and her husband have been struggling to get pregnant for over a year and a half, and are now looking at adoption. I think it made her sad that things were so easy for me with our first. I guess we have a little more in common now.
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    I'm so sorry for your loss.  (hugs)  There's no "right" amount of time to take.  It varies from person to person.  For me, I had a missed m/c at almost 13 weeks though my baby stopped growing at a little over 9 weeks.  I took about three weeks off (I also had a d&e so I needed some physical recovery time too) and actually felt "good" going back to work so that I had something else to focus on.  
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    I am very sorry for your loss. I understand how your dd is comforting you and causing pain as that is how I felt after our last loss. I had to leave most of the child care to DH for a while and allow myself time to grieve. I hope that you have support during this time.

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie - (B9PH)

     

    Lilypie - (0YVF)
     TTC since 11/2009; Lap/HSG/Hysteroscopy: 5/2011 (endometriosis - removed; endocervical polyp - removed; high pressure in bilateral tubes - cleared)

    BFP #1: 8/4/11; DS1 born sleeping on 11/16/11 at 19w1d

    BFP # 2: 5/7/12, EDD 1/10/13, DS2 born 1/4/13

    BFP # 3: 11/8/13, EDD 7/17/14, mmc 10wks

    BFP # 4: 5/16/14, EDD 1/15/15, praying for our 2nd rainbow baby 

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    I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like a great idea to wait until after your visit to go back to work. Hopefully seeing your sister will lift your spirits.
    I stay at home so I don't have to deal with work but the first 3 or 4 days (its been a week now) I didn't have the energy to be with my dd. Fortunately my FIL can watch her for me. Now he will give me a couple hour break. I get tired easily and have bad cramps. I feel guilty about it but she's better off playing with him. Sometimes I'm just like a rock on a couch. No fun.
    I think daycare is a great idea while you start to recover. (((Hugs)))
    image

    Me: 38  DH:36
    lap for endo 12/2010  uterus didelphys confirmed in hysteroscopy 
    dd born at 34 weeks 2/29/12  short NICU stay
    BFP somewhere around 2/14/13  d&c april @ 12 wks   partial molar diagnosed after d&c
    HCG monitoring for approx 11 months
    TTC  #2 

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