The Day I Left My Son in the Car

jmjewell19

I found this when lurking on August's bmb. It's an interesting read and brings up some interesting angles for discussion. It is long, though.

https://www.salon.com/2014/06/03/the_day_i_left_my_son_in_the_car/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=socialflow.

No death mentioned.

HisChamaoleGirl

I am not the type of mom to say "I'll never do xyz" but with my LO being 8m old I haven't been faced with leaving her in the car as an option so who knows. That being said, I do think this situation escalated quickly with the video taping and calling the police. If I were in the situation of witnessing this happening the most involved I would get is staying and watching to make sure the kid was OK.

BUT, I do think this whole incident could have been avoided by not giving into the child's whines about wanting to stay in the car and be glued to a video game. The headphones were for him, so I would have just told him to make the decision to either A. get of the game and come into the store or B. stay on the game and have no headphones.

 

AlejandraN2

That was a really good read. Thanks for posting. I'm a complete worst-case scenario person, but yet i struggle with also wanting to raise independent, strong children that are not terrified of everything around them. I don't remember ever feeling care-free, even as a child (as a 3 yr old i would chase my brother around terrified he'd fall off the stairs), and i don't want to pass that irrational fear to my kids. So it's a struggle and i identify with the writer and her emotional and thought processes. I'm hoping baby girl takes after her easygoing, everything's peachy dad so that i can keep my psychoses to myself.

jmjewell19

My apologies, ladies. I didn't mean to post and never return, but yesterday was crazy.

@CurlingRocks‌ that line hit home for me too. I think she did a good job of articulating all of this. I completely agree that it's important to teach kids how to be independent (and I hope I can!) so they can be functioning adults who can deal with things, but at the same time, I think sometimes society forces us to think worst - case scenario all the time. I just hope I can rise above ky worries and teach my kids independence, as you are, because they need it for their futures.

@AlejandraN2‌ I could have written your response nearly word for word. I drive myself crazy sometimes because I worry about EVERYTHING. Despite that, I really want to help my children be independent.

I think the part that is the most shocking to me is how this all escalate so quickly. Yes, I understand the view of the "good samaritan"--it's important to be cognizant of what's going on around us and help those who may need it, especially children. However, I think calling the cops was over the top and the person could have just said something to her. It was five minutes. The other thing that struck me was the affect this all had on her son and how fearful in made him.

I feel like I'm not articulating my thoughts on this topic very well this morning. In any case, I thought it was an interesting read.

Eta: spelling and clarity. And looking back, this came from Parenting, not August. Oops.

AshleyPT

I think the only consideration when leaving your kids in the car should be heat. Which is an actual, REAL danger that people need to be educated about. Not snatching or anything else that people decide are dangers. 

Otherwise, I think kids should be allowed to hang out in the car in a safe environment. To me, I don't care about the kid whining to stay in the car and I don't even think she had a "lapse in judgement". She assessed the situation, decided it was safe, and made an appropriate decision that could have just as easily been made if the kid wanted to go into the store, but the mom just wanted to run in real fast. 

I see a lot of "parenting" based on what other people will think. I have to do xyz because other people will judge me. I refuse to live like this. We make decisions based on what we think is right, not based on worry of judgement. Now, if she had left him in the exact situation when 80 degrees outside, we'd have something to talk about (although even then with a 4 year old, roll all the windows down and probably not a safety concern). 

I think it's a shame that the legal system allowed this to be pursued. 

jmjewell19

AshleyPT said:

I I see a lot of "parenting" based on what other people will think. I have to do xyz because other people will judge me.  

I think it's a shame that the legal system allowed this to be pursued. 

I think this is an unfortunate reality. Most people do base parenting decisions on something that someone else has deemed appropriate/inappropriate. Everyday we get told that something we're doing as parents could be done better, based on judgement and someone else's values. I know that ultimately, you (general you) shouldn't parent based on the judgment of others, but after seeing things like this, it's difficult not to fall into that. It's really too bad the legal system let it go so far.

olga1311

I know I am in a minority here but I believe the bystander did the right thing. Only through community paying attention we can spot kids that are being neglected, abused etc. this woman was a great mom and I do believe was the charges should not have been pursued. However the bystander couldn't have known she is a good mom. He saw a woman leaving her child in a car and going into the store. As far as he knows that could have been a frequent occurrence. I do agree that police shouldn't have pursued the matter further once they checked this out.