visits with birth family?

bumpuser794640

If you have an open adoption with regular visits with the birth mother, what are your visits like? Especially when your kid was younger.

I feel like the relationship we have with B's birth mother is so awkward. It is a little strange anyway since we didn't meet beforehand and she didn't choose us for his parents. That along with other factors makes me feel so stressed and anxious whenever a visit is coming up, and the visits themselves feel awkward, too. Advice?

Dr.Loretta

Our first visit was super awkward. DD was tiny, hadn't slept well the night before,and before we were exhausted. Her bmom didn't know what to do with her, and it was hot. We had only met her at placement, so there was little in the way of a relationship.

It got better after the first GTG. She brought her BFF to our second one, and the BFF was super uncomfortable. Since then it's been pretty chill. She brought her boyfriend to our last meeting and he doted on DD. I'd say give it time and communicate your wants/needs

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maryoosa

I second the activity suggestion--- anything to keep everyone moving and not mourning. We did a whole bunch of sad holding crying really hard meetings. They've gotten better- and our last few have been at museums and playgrounds and have been really good.

plus12012

Meet at a neutral place with plenty of activities going on, like a park. We've been pretty lucky at our visits so far our B-Mom has other young children so it's really just like a big play date for DD. If you are comfortable with B-Mom having pictures of your DH bring those as well and you can talk a little bit about where you were, what activities are his favorite, what he doesn't like etc.

justjinny

Our first two visits were pretty awkward.  We had invited BM & her Mom to our house to visit.  BM cried at the end of the visits which was heartbreaking.  Since then things have gotten better.  

Our last visit was just meeting up at a state park, having a picnic and going on a short hike.  It was nice to not be stuck indoors, to be at a neutral place, and also to have some activities to do.  We're trying to get together next time at a park and just grill out after work on a weekday.  

Hang in there!  Your visits will get better as time goes on and you figure out your relationship a bit more.