Therapy Session

slednecksmomma

I needed someplace to vent that my H wouldn't see (aka not Facebook) and figured there had to be others that needed a good vent session.  

My H has this wonderful habit of wanting to have sex about 2, 3 hours AFTER we go to bed.  I'm talking waking up at 1am to him petting me, kissing my neck, trying to wake me up.  It's never nice, sweet, we both get off sex either, it's basically "hey, wake up enough so I can hump you for a little while."  I usually just lay there and pretend to still be asleep because 1) I already don't get enough sleep because the baby still has me getting up at least twice a night, 2) WTAF is wrong is having sex when we are both awake?????  

This morning I woke up with the baby, nursed him, then brother him back in our room to nap (it was 20 min before H had to get out of bed for work), and as he is walking out the door he goes, "You deserve a spanking.  (Obviously crabby but trying to defuse the situation by trying to joke about it.) I thought there was a rule about no babies in the bed."  I almost lost my shit right there.  Motherfucker, I wouldn't bring him in here if I wasn't so GD tired from you trying to get your freak on and never giving me any MOTN help.  I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in a YEAR.

Anyone else need to get some shit off their chest?  

shadypines

What in the world?!?!?

EVA116

um

slednecksmomma

@CTGirl30 He does have his good points, I promise, but he can be very selfish.  At least he is good with the baby.  He took him to a baseball game yesterday while I worked. 

jorkz821

Didn't you just start working too? And he still doesn't help AND wakes you up at night? No. Nope. He needs a CTJ talk stat.

slednecksmomma

He doesn't get on me till he knows I'm awake, I should have made that known.

EVA116

Just say no in the middle of the night. And fuck that shit about not bringing the baby in the bed. If you are the one getting up with him then it is your call.

myskyegirl

Your husband is a asshat.  

  

martha919

That's effing ridiculous. DH doesn't help with night waking but he'd have his ass handed to him if he woke me up for sex right now (DD still wakes frequently) or pulled a "wham-bam, thank you ma'am". No fucking way.

FalconCrest

That whole scenario makes me very uncomfortable.  That just sounds so wrong and I would not be okay with that at all if it were my husband.

secretsout

This makes me uncomfortable.

If my husband tried to wake me up hours after I had gone to bed to have sex, I'd tell him to fuck off, regardless of whether I was getting up with a baby or not.

slednecksmomma

Reading everyone's reactions makes me feel better, I thought maybe I was being a hormonal bitch thinking this way.  

wesleycrusher

Many years ago when DH and I were dating (so no kids involved) he would try to wake me up, too, because he stayed up late and I went to bed a few hours before him.  He learned that I don't wake up and instead start swinging in my sleep.  It stopped real fast. 

Anyways- sex is for both of you to enjoy and it's clear you don't like this. Has he really not been able to figure that out on his own?? That means he doesn't care- that's a problem.  On the small chance he really doesn't realize you don't like it, you need to tell him.  I can't imagine DH frequently wanting to have sex with me when I wasn't into it.

BluepointToasted

Is he wide awake when he does this?  Once every few years DH will wake me up in the middle of the night for sex.  Its weird because it is usually super romantic, and then halfway through he wakes up and realizes where he is, almost like a sleep walking thing.  It is weird, and I have never noticed a pattern of what else is going on, but he is always suprised to be having sex.

However, it does not sound like this is what is going on here.  Tell him if he wants sex to initiate while you are still awake.  This sounds very off to me, and not knowing the whole story I don't want to make a ton of judgements, but my gut feeling is not good.

slednecksmomma

@BluepointToasted I guess I just always assumed he had a sex dream and wanted some real action from it, I never really thought further than that.  

RondackHiker

slednecksmomma said:

@CTGirl30 He does have his good points, I promise, but he can be very selfish.  At least he is good with the baby.  He took him to a baseball game yesterday while I worked. 

Taking a baby to a baseball game does not mean he's good with the baby. And taking care of his own child doesn't earn him any good guy points. That's the bare minimum.

I just want to make sure of one thing. If you do wake up and he knows you are awake, do you feel like you can say no to the sex? Will he listen? Or do you have to pretend to be asleep to avoid it?

And why do you feel like you're being hormonal about this? It is TOTALLY normal not to want to be woken to have sex. It is totally normal to be annoyed when he's waking you when you're already up with the baby. It's totally normal to be pissed that he won't get up with the baby.

slednecksmomma

RondackHiker said:

slednecksmomma said:

@CTGirl30 He does have his good points, I promise, but he can be very selfish.  At least he is good with the baby.  He took him to a baseball game yesterday while I worked. 

Taking a baby to a baseball game does not mean he's good with the baby. And taking care of his own child doesn't earn him any good guy points. That's the bare minimum.

I just want to make sure of one thing. If you do wake up and he knows you are awake, do you feel like you can say no to the sex? Will he listen? Or do you have to pretend to be asleep to avoid it?

And why do you feel like you're being hormonal about this? It is TOTALLY normal not to want to be woken to have sex. It is totally normal to be annoyed when he's waking you when you're already up with the baby. It's totally normal to be pissed that he won't get up with the baby.

You're right, I guess I just feel like any effort from him is worthy of applause, and I'm not entirely sure where that idea comes from.  

If I were to say no, I'm sure he would be crabby but he would give up and go back to sleep.  I usually pretend to be asleep or consent to it because it's just easier than starting a fight in the middle of the night?  I don't know, the more I talk this out the more I think I actually DO need therapy.  

I tend to be very non-confrontational, so I usually go with the flow to avoid arguments or fights.  I do what's easiest to keep the peace.  Does that make me a doormat? 

RondackHiker

slednecksmomma said:

RondackHiker said:

slednecksmomma said:

@CTGirl30 He does have his good points, I promise, but he can be very selfish.  At least he is good with the baby.  He took him to a baseball game yesterday while I worked. 

Taking a baby to a baseball game does not mean he's good with the baby. And taking care of his own child doesn't earn him any good guy points. That's the bare minimum.

I just want to make sure of one thing. If you do wake up and he knows you are awake, do you feel like you can say no to the sex? Will he listen? Or do you have to pretend to be asleep to avoid it?

And why do you feel like you're being hormonal about this? It is TOTALLY normal not to want to be woken to have sex. It is totally normal to be annoyed when he's waking you when you're already up with the baby. It's totally normal to be pissed that he won't get up with the baby.

You're right, I guess I just feel like any effort from him is worthy of applause, and I'm not entirely sure where that idea comes from.  

If I were to say no, I'm sure he would be crabby but he would give up and go back to sleep.  I usually pretend to be asleep or consent to it because it's just easier than starting a fight in the middle of the night?  I don't know, the more I talk this out the more I think I actually DO need therapy.  

I tend to be very non-confrontational, so I usually go with the flow to avoid arguments or fights.  I do what's easiest to keep the peace.  Does that make me a doormat? 

When you say consent, do you mean you say yes... or do you just mean you don't say no and let him do his thing? Giving in isn't consent. How does he make sure you're awake and interesting in sex.

And what do you mean start a fight? Do you mean you say no to sex and that starts a fight? Why would that start a fight?

I'm very worried about you right now. 

slednecksmomma

There's not much participation on my behalf to speak of at that hour of the night, a little kissing, some light touching maybe, but I'm definitely not moaning, groaning, flopping all over the bed.  

RondackHiker

I can't think of a calmer or politer way to say this... but having sex with someone who feels like they can't say no is rape. 

Just because they don't fight or say no doesn't make it okay. 

Unknown

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