Thinking ahead - is this too much shuffling?

bosco213

Hi all - first time posting on this board My husband and I are going to start TTC in the fall, but are thinking ahead to child are options after I go back to work to see how much it will cost us and if it's feasible for me to take a lower paying job with better work/life balance. Anyway, both of our parents have already volunteered to watch any future babies (my mom especially has made it very clear this is something she wants to do and DHs mom has watched his siblings children for a few days a week in the past and is open to it) They're both in their mid 50s and were SAHMs and are eager for us to have children. We were thinking of having each mom take LO 2 days per week and hiring someone on Fridays to come to our house. That way neither one of our parents our overburdened with a little baby. In addition, I don't work on Friday during the summer months. My question - is this too much shuffling around for a LO? We would try to keep to a routine as much as we could and logistically, both of our parents live within 10 mins of DHs work. This will be our first baby and I don't know if it would be stressful for a LO to always be in a new place. we would obviously provide our parents with all the baby gear, etc. Thanks in advance for your thoughts ETA: sorry for big paragraph, I'm on my ipad

TheBorg7of9

Why can't they all come your house?

dglvrk2

TheBorg7of9 said:

Why can't they all come your house?

This.
In addition to the frequent changes in place for your baby, all the shuffling may be hard on you and H.

*sparky*

Your LO would probably be ok with this while young but once they get a little older that may become a little too much shuffling of places and people. Also, babies thrive on routine and getting all of those different caregivers to follow that same routine that you have will be challenging, IMO.

I also agree with the PPs that this will be a lot on your and your DH and you should have the grandmas come to you if possible.

mattanda2011

We do basically this exact same set up, except with DD at home and grandparents come to her. It makes mornings and evenings so much easier for us. In addition, some days, maybe once every other weeks. They will take her back to their house, but it's not all the time. Since they live close it's also easy for them to run errands from our house so it doesn't affect that much.
I would also suggest when you find someone to do Fridays, if it's financially possible get someone who wil clean as well. We did this and it really helped with the work life balance

VOR

At least at first, I would suggest they come to you.  At least for a couple months while you get yourself in the routine of 'working mom".  I had that luxury (parents or nanny coming to me) and it was WONDERFUL. 

 

Past that - I think this is fine. It WILL become your child's "routine".  We've had a weird schedule for DS ever since he was a baby (he's 5 now) and it's always worked out.  And ours wasn't even quite as "regular" due to DHs job.

dashofreality

Agree with PPs. Much easier if everyone comes to you.

But kids are adaptable and it will be fine. You may get some heartburn when kid is older, but you would even if they were going to the same place every day. Realistically your biggest problem is probably going to be one of the grandparents not doing what you want, not the shuffling.

jetgrrrl

I agree that it would be much easier for all involved to have them come to you, especially at first, but if it's not possible your LO will adjust. I think it will be important to make sure he/she has items that travel with her to each place so that she has something predictable (same binky, same blanket,etc). Also, I think it's really important to get together with your parents and your ILs with you and your DH and talk about how you'll want things done. It's important that there be a certain amount of consistency. And you also need to be thinking about things like, do you want your LO's screen time significantly limited (that was a must for us)? Do you think your parents and ILs can/will live with that? What about food as he/she gets older - limits on treats, etc? I personally would not have wanted my parents or ILs taking care of my kids consistently only because I don't feel they would have set the limits we would want set. So you should also consider whether this is an arrangement just for LO's first year and then you'll move to daycare or if this needs to be it for you until he/she is in school.

litzo27

I agree with PP. Kids are super adaptable so if that's what you have to do - it will be fine. BUT personally I do think it is easier with a smaller amount of caregivers - for example, it's tough to ensure that 2 grandmas, 1 nanny and you (on weekends) are all putting the baby to nap in the same way, especially if it's physically in different houses. So, again, it's certainly doable and your (future) kid will be just fine if that's what you'll be doing. But you may find yourself rethinking the plan in the future.

bosco213

Thanks for all of your replies! I am not sure it would be possible for my DH's mom to come to our house, or that I would feel comfortable asking. She helps out at my DH/FIL machine shop a few days a week so her time at home is more limited that my mom. I could probably ask my mom to come to my house, but they are offering to do us such a big favor I would rather make things convenient for them.

As someone else suggested - we would probably only rely on our parents for 12-18 mos, then look into daycare when LO is a bit older.

Thanks everyone!

skibunny59

casey78 said:

I think babies are pretty adaptable (or at least mine is). As long as the most important parts of the routine (feeding rituals, sleep cues, etc) are intact, I think it would be ok.

This.  Babies are incredibly adaptable.  Another thing you have to remember is that LO will be with his/her grandparents.  To me that's not the same as being with a different babysitter or at a different daycare everyday.

My mom (retired teacher) and my inlaws (both retired) take care of DD during the week.  DH has every other Friday off.  They follow similar schedules but it's not exactly the same and DD has done fine.  They all put her down differently for naps.  As long as she naps I don't really care.  She knows she's either going to Abuela's, Grandma and Grandpa's, or staying home with Daddy (or me if I'm off).  She is super happy and thriving.  She gets excited because she has different toys and does different activities at each house.

Also, I disagree with asking them to come to your house.  I think that's a lot to ask.  My parents and inlaws live the next town over and I never felt comfortable asking them to come to our house.  They are doing me a huge favor and I want to make it convenient for them.  While DD naps, at least they are in their own home to get stuff done.

ccam

I agree with the PPs that if they came to you, it would be ideal.  You wouldn't have to worry about each house having a PNP, highchair, toys, etc.  And you wouldn't have to worry about shuffling stuff from house to house. 

That being said, they really are very adaptable.  DS goes to DC 3 days a week and to my SIL's 2 days a week - he is on different schedules at each one and a different schedule on the weekend.  He always gets his breakfast, lunch and a nap, but the times are off and he does just fine. 

bosco213

skibunny59 said:

casey78 said:

I think babies are pretty adaptable (or at least mine is). As long as the most important parts of the routine (feeding rituals, sleep cues, etc) are intact, I think it would be ok.

This.  Babies are incredibly adaptable.  Another thing you have to remember is that LO will be with his/her grandparents.  To me that's not the same as being with a different babysitter or at a different daycare everyday.

My mom (retired teacher) and my inlaws (both retired) take care of DD during the week.  DH has every other Friday off.  They follow similar schedules but it's not exactly the same and DD has done fine.  They all put her down differently for naps.  As long as she naps I don't really care.  She knows she's either going to Abuela's, Grandma and Grandpa's, or staying home with Daddy (or me if I'm off).  She is super happy and thriving.  She gets excited because she has different toys and does different activities at each house.

Also, I disagree with asking them to come to your house.  I think that's a lot to ask.  My parents and inlaws live the next town over and I never felt comfortable asking them to come to our house.  They are doing me a huge favor and I want to make it convenient for them.  While DD naps, at least they are in their own home to get stuff done.

Thanks for the reply! I agree, even though our parents only live about 15 mins away, I would not feel comfortable asking them to come to our house from 7am-5pm...it's just a lot to ask, I think. I also realized (duh!) that my mom has a dog she is home with all day. She would have to either drive home in the middle of the day to take him out/play with him or hire someone to take care of him, neither of which I can ask her to do.

bosco213

milkergirl1 said:

Could you have your parents and IL's watch your LO and have them do every other Friday?  That way you wouldn't have to hire someone for Fridays, and they wouldn't have to worry about Fridays when you're off during the summer.  That way your LO only has 2 different people watching. 

ETA typo

Definitely a good thought I would prefer that to having someone I don't know in my home with LO.

uksteph11

oscarsmama213 said:

Thanks for all of your replies! I am not sure it would be possible for my DH's mom to come to our house, or that I would feel comfortable asking. She helps out at my DH/FIL machine shop a few days a week so her time at home is more limited that my mom. I could probably ask my mom to come to my house, but they are offering to do us such a big favor I would rather make things convenient for them.

As someone else suggested - we would probably only rely on our parents for 12-18 mos, then look into daycare when LO is a bit older.

Thanks everyone!

I agree with you.  I think that when someone is offering to do you such a huge favor, you should make things as easy as possible for them.  My parents will be watching our soon 2 days a week so I can continue with my job part time.  I would feel very rude asking them to come to my house to babysit.   

Doubletrouble12

I think it may be a little hard shuffling the baby around when they are little. Maybe they could come to your house when the baby is small?  I think it sounds great though when they are a little bigger and it is easier to take them out.  In my opinon I'd rather  take my baby to family to watch, even if it is alot of shuffling, rather than taking them to a daycare or someone I didn't know. Good luck!

RedBaramid

Sorry if it's bad juju to post on a board randomly but I was just happening through and wanted to throw in a couple of pennies.

1)My mom and dad both worked opposing shifts (one nights the other days) for the first 3 years of my life, and they were lucky enough to have both their parents locally to take care of me. It really is a blessing to have that much family around and willing to support. You're super lucky.

2)I was shuffled around constantly and I did fine. Grandparents just bought used cribs/pack and play's for me to sleep in at their places. They also did a great deal of buying second hand toys for me to keep in small bins and cheap extra clothes in case I got dirty(woot garage sales and resell stores!). Moving me around was mostly about keeping a bag of diapers and baby food/formula ready to go. Honestly, I think it may have helped for the better, I learned to adjust to new places early on and from what I hear I was a pretty good baby and slept through most of the shuffling around. If you start out young your LO will probably adjust quickly since they won't have the chance to know any different.

3) I bet your IL's and Mom wouldn't mind swapping every other Friday if you had an occasional sitter/caregiver on the back burner if everyone was busy. At least for the first year, I would stick to just family if it was at all possible.