When is the best time to have baby?

maggie1am

Just getting really confused about this, I am 30 and hub is 37, we got married in late 2012. So I wasn't really thinking about kids when we got married. I was more focus on getting a job, I just moved back to the States after living 4 years overseas. Now I got a decent job, I am doing what I like, and everything seems great. (Well, the only down thing is I had to drive an hour to work, and the long commute get me extremely tried everyday. :P ) Hub is doing really well at his job too. We both are making decent amount of money. and seems like it's time to think about kids. and especially when many of my high school friends are start to have babies, every time I looked at facebook, I see their children, and I got so envy, I want to have one. I really want to have my own little one. But I just start my career, and I am not willing to give that up, but I am 30, I do not want to wait till 35 or even 40. I know I am aging and my eggs are aging too. But I really do not know with this job, how can I balance two things. Many of the girls I know, they just be a stay-home mom for first few years, but with my newly started job, I am sure if I stay home for 5 years, I won't be able to get the same job, same title, same salary.  I am amazed how some people have their kids at 21/2/3/4/5, how are they able to do it, like financially, I will be freaking out if only 1 person in the family bring home the bread.

Last month, I mention to him I want to have kids, he said "I thought we are waiting a couple years....", I told him "we got married in 2012, it's been 2 years.." Don't take me wrong, he loves kids, he loves all his friend's children, and I am sure he will be an amazing father, but he said he is scared. I am scared too. this is such a big responsibility, I do not want to screw this up.

Mysterious_wife

Only the two of you can decide when. I wanted children early. I had my DD at 22. Talk with him to get a better timeline

maggie1am

thanks Mysterious_wife & MandJS.

@Bonzo2011 , maternity leave only 3 months, will it b too soon to place a baby to daycare? well, i kind of want to know how all the working mommies do it, I seriously have no idea. I wish people can share their experience with me. i did think about daycare, my in-laws (they r 60+). but it doesn't sounds like a very good options.  In terms of finance and housing, we bought a house, so housing wouldn't be a problem, we have plenty of empty rooms.  

KJKNAJ

2pm on a Friday.

Oh, sorry, that's not that you meant

jnnfrrose6

maggie1am said:

thanks Mysterious_wife & MandJS.

@Bonzo2011 , maternity leave only 3 months, will it b too soon to place a baby to daycare? well, i kind of want to know how all the working mommies do it, I seriously have no idea. I wish people can share their experience with me. i did think about daycare, my in-laws (they r 60+). but it doesn't sounds like a very good options.  In terms of finance and housing, we bought a house, so housing wouldn't be a problem, we have plenty of empty rooms.  

Some child are options take LOs as little as 6 weeks old. There are plenty of working mothers who can't take any more time than that. Most at least start at 3 months since that is in line with FMLA. One thing to factor in (once you're pregnant, though it can't hurt to get an idea before hand) is the wait list situation. Some areas have lists up to a year long so you want to get on that sooner rather than later. As to the rest, you figure it out as you go. Schedules and routines help. Having them in place make it easier to make exceptions when they are needed.

sandrabrooke

Most daycares around here start at 6 weeks.  Most of my co-workers definitely take (and enjoy) their 12 weeks of FMLA since we qualify!  Most make it work, but they also have earned respect in the office.

ashiscute

Nicb13 said:

maggie1am said:

thanks Mysterious_wife & MandJS.

@Bonzo2011 , maternity leave only 3 months, will it b too soon to place a baby to daycare? well, i kind of want to know how all the working mommies do it, I seriously have no idea. I wish people can share their experience with me. i did think about daycare, my in-laws (they r 60+). but it doesn't sounds like a very good options.  In terms of finance and housing, we bought a house, so housing wouldn't be a problem, we have plenty of empty rooms.  

I had to leave my son with a sitter (she is family) when he was 7 weeks old so I could return to work. It can be done. This next baby will go to a sitter as well so I can go back to my full time job.

You have options: in home daycare, daycare center or a nanny. No need to stress that yet, you still have decide with your husband WHEN you are going to try to get pregnant first.

Like others have said, sit down with your husband and have a very serious conversation about this so you both on are the same page. That might help ease your mind a bit. Wait until you get pregnant to make the other decisions.

This statement breaks my heart!  I don't mean that meanly I am just baffled that maternity leave is such a joke here.  I hope you can stay home longer this time!

CaveWmnInBrit

I just hit the 30 mark and 3 years of marriage... we had a chat again and decided due to my nice maternity being a teacher in the UK we are going to go for it.  If DH turns down a postdoc and we have to move we will stop for a while until I qualify again at the new school.

We have the financials, the house and right now is not perfect but if we keep putting it off who is to say we will find that perfect time.  Starting our family is a big step but one we both have known we were going to do for hte last 7 years.

Ladymouse

If you have reservations, it's probably not time.  If you find it necessary to refute that and explain why this is a good time, you're probably answering your own question.

cozybluebear

Honestly, if you keep waiting for the "right" time, it'll never happen. My brother and his wife were waiting to finish their traveling years, then waited on a promotion, then a bigger house, etc. It seems like they are always waiting because honestly, you can never be 100% prepared to start a family. If you and your husband want a family and you're in a stable/comfortable position, go for it. I promise everything works itself out!

maggie1am

cozybluebear said:

Honestly, if you keep waiting for the "right" time, it'll never happen. My brother and his wife were waiting to finish their traveling years, then waited on a promotion, then a bigger house, etc. It seems like they are always waiting because honestly, you can never be 100% prepared to start a family. If you and your husband want a family and you're in a stable/comfortable position, go for it. I promise everything works itself out!

my girl friend told me the same thing. i guess it does make sense. my sister just told me my cousin (who lives overseas) popped out a baby girl over the weekend (:| i don't even know she is preggo.) now I am jelly. haha..