OT: Facebook makes me feel like a loser

BloomingMomma

so, the answer to this is to stop looking at Facebook, right? Anyway, does anyone ever feel like a loser after looking at facebook? I keep seeing some friends with play dates, and I can't help to wonder why am I not invited? I have many activities and good friends, but I don't post much. One friend does manicures for Mother's Day, visits the children's museum, and home play dates with women with kids whom I know well-enough.

Any tips on how to just stop looking for feeling left out is appreciated. I can't help it. I know many folks here will just say grow up, etc., but surely I'm not the only one?

Meery82

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Meery82

People tend to only share the best of the best on FB. Their lives aren't as perfect and as cheery as you think. Also, maybe these people are waiting for you to reach out to them? Take the initiative and make plans with a few of them, then you'll have some fun pictures to post, too!

ReeceFamily

Funny, I was just having this same FB sentiment.  I'm sort of struggling in my life at the moment and sometimes I feel sad/envious/resentful/lonely looking at everyone's "Look at MEEEEE!" photos on FB.  (I'm really just an FB spectator these days, I made a conscious decision to stop posting because I really hate Mark Zuckerberg's privacy policies, politics, etc.).

In any case for a bit a perspective:  I was communicating via e-mail with an old friend from high school who was going through a divorce.  She said that she was envious that I looked so happy and fulfilled in all my FB photos (I was still posting at the time).  Do I have happy moments?   Of course?  Is my life one big Disneyland? Nope.  I didn't make a conscious effort to impress people with my life, but as the PPs stated - well, no one posts photos of them crying in the bathroom or photos of them looking tired and fat. Everyone screens everything and posts the photos.

As for feeling excluded.  Well, that's a toughie.  And, yeah, if there was no FB you wouldn't have to even know that there were play dates going on that you were intentionally or unintentionally not invited to.  If you want to go on play dates, you probably do have to swallow your pride and put the invite out there yourself?  Let us know how it goes?

vvvvvfee

completely agree with PPs. here's an article on the study mentioned above: Facebook Makes Us Sadder and Less Satisfied

at this point i basically use facebook as a feed reader to keep up with news/blogs/organizations that i am interested in, and to chat with DH.

neverblushed

Yeah -- just keep in mind that what people present on FB =/= reality.  I've grown disillusioned with FB lately because almost everything in my newsfeed is either:

--Blatantly AW-ish posts that serve no one but the poster (look at MY cute kid!, look at the fun I'm having with MY husband, look what cool thing I'M doing now!!! ME, ME, ME!!)

--Humblebrags

--"Shares" or links to stupid stuff, urban legends, blatantly false stuff, or other B.S. I don't care about.

--Posts that are self-serving, unoriginal political rants that are going to change no one's mind.

--Griping or complaining about everyday stuff that no one cares about (it's so hot today; Ugh -- this work week seems so long!; traffic sucked today)

I have one friend who consistently manages to post in a way that lets her online friends know what's going on in her life, but is so genuinely self-deprecating and humorous that it always gives a little something back to me or puts a smile on my face.

Once I realized how much of FB is really BS, I thought about the stuff I tended to post in a new light and cut WAY back.  

ReeceFamily

@neverblushed....AMEN.  This is a perfect summary of FB posts.  I like the term "humblebrags."  I know I'm guilty of some of these (or was, when I used to post), and I knew it and immediately felt like a chump after posting.  I do not regret my decision to get off FB.

neverblushed

ReeceFamily said:

@neverblushed....AMEN.  This is a perfect summary of FB posts.  I like the term "humblebrags."  I know I'm guilty of some of these (or was, when I used to post), and I knew it and immediately felt like a chump after posting.  I do not regret my decision to get off FB.

I know.  I cringe now when I look at some of my older posts or photos of the "awesome" things I felt compelled to share with everyone.  What an a$$ I was!!

My school is closed today for a Jewish holiday, so I spent a little time this morning on there.  One co-worker of mine posted SIX different posts or photos today all related to her son's 10th birthday.  Gag.  I don't mean 1 entry on her wall containing 6 pictures of a birthday party.  I mean six separate status updates.

Oh, and in my reply above, I forgot three other types of posts I loathe:

--comments about televised sporting events posted DURING the event.  Dude (or dudette), everyone who cares is already watching the darn game and knows which team just scored.

--mysteriously melancholy AW-ish posts like "Sigh.  Feeling sad :-(" with no other explanation.

--the evil doppleganger of the mysteriously melancholy post, the "let me enlighten you" inspirational drivel post.  The over-enthusiastic birthday mom posted one of these the other day about finally finding a place where she realizes she can have everything she wants without giving part of herself away.  Complete with a few dopey hashtags.

BloomingMomma

I wish I had the courage To just delete my account. But so many events and invites through there for groups I don't want to go antisocial. I asked a friend this week to go on a day trip with kids so I am making a list of my friends and trying to focus on one friendship a month to enhance. I think some of my feelings stem from I'm not great at keeping relationships going so they wither.

BloomingMomma

So naturally I do get left out. But Facebook is skewed. But some truth to my being left out. So I can try a little more and then maybe be happy for those who have lots to brag about

Meery82

neverblushed said:

ReeceFamily said:

@neverblushed....AMEN.  This is a perfect summary of FB posts.  I like the term "humblebrags."  I know I'm guilty of some of these (or was, when I used to post), and I knew it and immediately felt like a chump after posting.  I do not regret my decision to get off FB.

I know.  I cringe now when I look at some of my older posts or photos of the "awesome" things I felt compelled to share with everyone.  What an a$$ I was!!

My school is closed today for a Jewish holiday, so I spent a little time this morning on there.  One co-worker of mine posted SIX different posts or photos today all related to her son's 10th birthday.  Gag.  I don't mean 1 entry on her wall containing 6 pictures of a birthday party.  I mean six separate status updates.

Oh, and in my reply above, I forgot three other types of posts I loathe:

--comments about televised sporting events posted DURING the event.  Dude (or dudette), everyone who cares is already watching the darn game and knows which team just scored.

--mysteriously melancholy AW-ish posts like "Sigh.  Feeling sad :-(" with no other explanation.

--the evil doppleganger of the mysteriously melancholy post, the "let me enlighten you" inspirational drivel post.  The over-enthusiastic birthday mom posted one of these the other day about finally finding a place where she realizes she can have everything she wants without giving part of herself away.  Complete with a few dopey hashtags.

Ugh. I hate those. I also hate the ones where people list what they did that day: "Laundry done, grocery shopping finished, dinner made, now relaxing and watching a movie with my babe!" 

No one fucking cares!

Meery82

BIL's girlfriend is the WORST. She constantly posts selfies, fishing for compliments and is always changing her profile picture. She will post stupid shit like "I thank God for helping me get through this illness." Bitch, you had a pimple on your boob. Get over it. (She thought it was MRSA and even went to an appointment with a surgeon to see if she needed to have in cut/cleaned out. He asked her why she was there. I know all this because she sent me pictures of it because I'm a nurse. Lucky me.)

FB doesn't make me feel bad about myself or my life, it just kind of makes me hate people.

ellenrunyon

1. I'm sorry this is going on. Defriend or hide their posts...you are too busy for stuff that makes you feel bad
2. Find some fun friends . I joined a local Moms Club chapter and it's been wonderful! We have organized activities, and someone is always up for an impromptu get together. All the women in our chapter and nice and welcoming...not caddy or cliquish. Mops is another similar type organization.

beautiflaw

I hate FB, but since I'm married to the Navy I would pretty much never hear from any of my friends or family if I didn't have FB. Never. I tried to get off FB once and I went almost 6 months without hearing from my loved ones. No one called, texted, or emailed me, and wouldn't get back in touch with me if I called, texted, or emailed them. But then when I got pregnant everyone wanted to be in touch so I had to get back on FB so everyone could have pics of the baby and so on and so forth. Life is a living hell for me if I go too long without posting pics of her. Mostly I go on there, post what's going on with my daughter and whatever new pics I have, then get back off as quick as I can. 

Salemkitty13

Hi. I'm a dirty lurker. I have issues with FB also so I set my FB settings to send certain posts, messages etc to my email. I never have to log on to my newsfeed and I don't miss photos of my nephew or invites from friends. Maybe something like this would work for you.

emmojess

Couldn't have said this better myself. People seemed to have 'unlearned' communicating thanks to Facebook & smart phones. Clicking a 'like' button doesn't make you my friend.