OAD NBC question

kaf7

Hi Ladies How have you guys been dealing with comments about having a second child from the public? When asked if we are going to have more by an acquaintance or stranger I usually shrug and say "we'll see". Last night at a dinner party I was told by an OBs wife not to wait to have more because they have so much more fun playing together when they are close in age. I didn't know what to say. And more importantly the comment leaves me still reeling today and I don't know how to move past it other than with time. This type of scenario is coming up more and more now that LO is past 1y. Any suggestions? There is no wine in the house.

PennyLane26

(((hugs))) kaf - I'm sorry.

MoFree

I don't see any reason to suffer in silence. You can say something benign like it's not so easy for some couples or that you wish your LO had a sibling. I told someone that I had 2 failed FETs after DD's birth and open to their suggestions on how to conceive. While most people are not intentionally hurtful they are still responsible for the hurt their thoughtless words cause.

pb_bride

Sorry that you are dealing with this, kaf.  I guess I've been lucky - even though M is 19m now, I don't get that question too often.  My circle of mom friends know we did IVF, so they don't ask.  As for others?  If it's an acquaintance or complete stranger, I'll just smile and not answer.  If it's someone I know a little better, I'll just say that I'm too old to care for another one (which is true), though I'm afraid that isn't your case.  I try to not let them bother me.  Hugs to you.

TJ1979

Hugs kaf.

I don't know if you are religious at all, but I used to always say "if God blesses us with a child" when we were TTC E.

Mrs.AmyDylan

I applaud you all who can be forthcoming about another sibling. I'm a pretty private person, so I'm just not into receiving comments and suggestions. Or better yet, walking away from the conversation with a handful of strangers I'm supposed to email to get their fill-in-the-blank magic fertility worker. 

I just typically deflect by saying that we finally got the child we do have finally sleeping through the night. I don't have the energy to be pregnant. Which draws a gasp of yes J *finally* slept through the night at *gasp* 16mo. 

kaf7

chiwifey said:

Hey kaf, your OAD NBC sister is here I can totally relate to how you're feeling with this as well. C is 19 months and it is all I ever hear from people we meet and/or those who are just acquaintances. I am very honest about things without giving specific details. Typically I say "We actually have a really difficult time getting pregnant and we pray every day that C will one day have a sibling." The first few times I responded this way I was super nervous but now that I've done it many times, I am very comfortable with it. Everyone has been very kind and either apologized for what they said or have something very compassionate to say. And I hope that maybe next time they're talking with someone about how/when they should grow their family and why, they'll think of our conversation and know it's not so easy for everyone. 

As far as moving past that very hurtful comment, a good cry and journaling helps me. Typically if I'm not in too tough of a place, I'll journal and it will help me through. It may sound silly but if things are really hard for me, then I take a long, hot shower and cry my eyes out the entire time. It helps me reset. 

And send your DH out for wine, pronto!!! 

I wish we lived close by because I'd pour you a gigantic glass of wine and give you a huge hug. I'm so sorry, friend. I know it doesn't make it any easier but you aren't alone and I'm always here for you.

Hugs to you chi! It is really nice not to feel alone. When I lived in a larger city I was far more forthcoming about our struggles once I had LO. Now I live in a much smaller community where everything is fodder for gossip and I am just not there yet. Thanks for the suggestions everyone though. I had a massage today that I had a gift card for from Christmas and that has me feeling better today. 

STL34

We aren't quite yet one and done.  However, we have been TTC #2 since 6 weeks after #1 was born and she is over 2 years old.  We've also had a failed TI, IUI and IVF cycle.  We will do another IVF cycle here soon.  But, I'm not sure if we will do more if that cycle fails.

I have gotten that question a lot lately.  The older our daughter gets the more comments I receive.  These comments are even from family members who know what we went through to conceive our daughter.  To family who make comments/ask questions, I remind them the struggle we had conceiving DD.  To strangers, I just say we will see or something of the sort.  Part of it depends on my mood at the time.  I hate these questions.  Our last failed IVF cycle sent me into a bit of a tail spin.  I am still reeling.  And, it doesn't help to have these types of questions.  My daughter is super attached to her cousins, she would love a sibling and we always planned to have at least two children.  Now, the thought of not providing her a sibling is so hard for me to handle.  But, I also have a hard time with all of the money, time, health and emotion that we have put into trying to get pregnant.  

((HUGS))