Intro and omg, what were we thinking?!

spoonleg

Hi ladies!

I'm 33, my husband is 31, and we recently decided to start trying for our first (and, we thought, only) baby. We spent our first 7 years together thinking we probably did not want kids, but were open to discussing the idea later. After a couple months of discussion, we decided that we were ready to try and would have ONE KID. We were still terrified and apprehensive, but people do it all the time, right? Plus, we figured it would take a few months to get pregnant which would give us time to adjust to the idea of parenthood.

Well, as the Universe would have it, we got pregnant on our first try. With twins.

We just found out today, at the first ultrasound, that there are two kiddos in there. We are terrified. This was certainly NOT in our plans... though, that's probably what we get for making plans in the first place! Don't get me wrong- I realize that having spontaneous twins is a very special thing and should be considered a gift. I'm sure all of those feelings will come. But for now... just shock and fear. What are we gonna do? How will we manage TWO kids at the SAME TIME?

I have read many pregnancy and baby books in preparation for this, but always skipped the sections on multiples. I thought that surely that wouldn't apply to me! So I have virtually zero knowledge about twins. What should I expect? What should I be doing differently? How does this work? How do parents of twins manage? Do you ever sleep? 

I look forward to hanging around this board and learning more from you very brave moms of multiples. Please, rub some of your knowledge, expertise and patience onto me.

Edit: typo

Jules_Shamblin

First of all, congrats! Secondly, I totally get the freaked out feeling. My husband and I always knew we wanted two kids but when we got pregnant on our second try with twins we were shocked and completely freaking out... so I can't even imagine what you're feeling. I think being overwhelmed is completely normal.

As far as advice for how you'll do it with two kids, I'll have to leave that to the other moms because I'm still pregnant (31 weeks) and I have no idea how it will all go. Good luck with everything! Also, what kind of twins are you having? Di/di, mono/di or mono/mono?

jennylryan

Congrats! The thought of twins can be overwhelming, but you will be fine! You won't know the difference of taking care of one baby vs. two, you'll get into a routine and do what you need to do.
I recommend joining a local mothers of multiples group (just google that with your city) so you can get to know more MoMs. A lot of the groups have a sale or two every year and you can get great deals on clothes and equipment!
Read the board and ask questions, the ladies here are a great support!

beachy6

Congratulations! I am still in my first tri with twins, so I don't have much advice on the parenting of twins. However, we did IVF and put 2 embryos back, knowing that both could implant. We were still shocked to no end that we were expecting twins. I think we laughed/worried, etc about it for a couple of weeks. By the time that our second ultrasound came around, we were excited! It will come, but know that your feelings are so normal!

I still think that I have more moments of worry rather than being excited quite yet. I'm very excited to have the babies, I'm worried about the actual unknown of the pregnancy. My best advice is to stick around here and ask lots of questions. These ladies are great and so knowledgeable.

As for resources, I did read Dr. Luke's book, When your Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads. It scared me at first, but overall, the information was more than I had before. I also just finished reading What to do when your having Two. It was written by a twin mom and OB doctor. It's funny and a really practical approach to pregnancy and beyond.

gault530

First, congratulations.  It's totally normal to be freaked out especially if you've only imagined yourself with one child.  Yes, you will sleep again and you will get the hang of it. 

I'm not going to lie, it is hard in the beginning, however that doesn't last forever.  Frankly, I thought the beginning with one child was hard.  I would keep in mind that you will have help from friends and family...use them, they will help you stay sane.  Even if it's just to take a nap or leave the house alone for a while.  Sign up for your local moms of multiples society, they will have great advice and the sales are awesome!

The great news is that once you meet them, you'll fall in love with them and won't be able to imagine your life without them. 

pea-kay

Yeah, it happens. My husband wanted one, I wanted two, we got three. You have lots of time to get used to the idea, which will probably sink in in about 2017.

Hey, you're lucky. Back when I was pregnant, I didn't have nearly the amount of online (and offline) resources that are available now. There are so many great online support groups now, especially.

BabyCarryingVessel

Congratulations! If you want to make God laugh tell him your plans! The others are right, you are completely normal in feeling this way. I just wanted to add a few positive notes...

You will never know what it's like to have only one child, and you won't be able to imagine life any other way. You'll do it because you have to, and you'll get really good at it. Others will marvel at your ability to manage two at once. You'll be known as the "mom of twins".

You will sleep again. One thing that I remember during those newborn days is that there were moments of "bad" every day, but it wasn't ALL bad every day. Your heart will want to explode when you hold those two babies on your chest! I'm so excited for you, congratulations again!

spoonleg

I just KNEW you ladies would make me feel better. Phew. Thank you.

Things are slowly sinking in and I'm sure we will come to terms with this and adjust our expectations. I was terrified that raising one child would be difficult, and the thought of two at once seems pretty impossible. However, because we don't/won't have any singleton children, we will really have no concept of it being any different. We will develop a "normal" that works for our family and that will be that! I'm sure we'll manage.

We do live quite far from family, and that worries me. My husband has assured me that we can hire a part-time nanny to help once babies are here, if needed. YES, PLEASE!

Thanks for the tips and support. You all are amazing and I know I'll learn so much from your experiences.

kbeach82

I’m glad you have been reassured by the responses that other ladies here have offered. FWIW, my twin pregnancy was “easier” than my singleton pregnancy in the sense that I never had to go on bed rest and high blood pressure didn’t become an issue. Now, I would be lying if I said that my twin pregnancy felt “easier” at the time. Carrying two babies is NO JOKE! But, since this is your first pregnancy, you won’t have anything to compare it to, and that is a good thing! My one word of advice, is to STAY HYDRATED. I was drinking about 80oz of water a day throughout my twin pregnancy, and that is on the low end of what most of the books I read recommended. Getting dehydrated can and will bring on contractions, and you don’t want that to happen any time soon.

 

Even though we conceived via IVF and transferred two embryos, DH and I were still pretty shocked when we found out that I was actually carrying twins (we had transferred two embryos with DS1 as well). I remember crying at our first u/s because I was so scared. But even from that first terrifying moment, DH and I knew that we would work together to do everything that we needed to do to make things work for our family. I had a bleeding scare at 12 weeks, and I think it was at that point that I realized just how much I had grown to love the tiny lives growing inside of me and I couldn’t imagine things working out any differently.

 

The first year of the twins’ lives has been hard (in fairness, also having to care for DS1 and help him to adjust to life with not one, but two new siblings has been one of the most difficult parts). DH and I have had some crazy arguments thanks to stress, sleep deprivation, and just a general feeling of being overwhelmed. But we have all survived and our house is full of love, hugs, giggles, and smiles (a lot of the time)! You will be fine. I promise J