How to tell the news to a fellow IFer?

penad5

So my Sister is also IF, unfortunately she could only afford 2 rounds of IVF and was never successful.  I know its a very painful thing for her... and since I have experienced IF I empathize even more.  But i'm not sure how to tread now that I got my BFP since my sister and I are very different on what upsets us

I told her the news and explained that I know it could be painful for her so I'll only share as much or as little as she wants to know.  She responded saying that it's up to me how much I share... but truth is i'm not sure I believe her - she may just saying what she thinks she had to say, since I know she took it very hard and I know when our SIL's were preg and really has nothing to do with our nephews as she finds it too painful

I know that my success could be sad for her - and I don't blame her at all.  But I don't what to exclude her (if she wants to be involved) nor do i want to pour salt in her wounds by giving her more updates than she wants

Have any of you dealt with this - from either side.  Any advice on how I should move forward?

sunflowermama42212

My sister got pregnant and had an oops baby while I was starting my IF journey. She was never sensitive to my feelings and I just embraced everything about her pregnancy because I didn't want my struggles to change the relationship I had with her. Now 2 years later I finally got pregnant and she has had medical issues and can't have another baby right now or for a few years. She canceled my baby shower and completely ignored anything baby related with me. It hurt so bad since I had chosen to be there for her and she refused to do the same with me. I let it go, I let her approach me and I never brought up the baby. I let her completely take the lead on everything between us. My grandma threw me a surprise shower and my sister came. That was a gift in its self and she has been very supportive ever since and we are close again. I'm not saying your sister is like mine but by letting my sister completely be in charge of our communication, it allowed her to process her own feelings and stopped me from hurting her by accident. She eventually came around.

lcloffredo

I had a friend who was doing treatments to have her first while I was doing them to have our second. She stopped treatments after a miscarriage and had a spontaneous pregnancy that stuck. I was so happy for her even though it hurt a little because I had a chemical pregnancy and our due dates would have been similar. She talked to me about it all the time and I was happy to talk baby with her even though there were some nights I would cry. I am now due with twins six weeks behind her twins. She actually talks to me less now that I'm expecting too... Everybody handles their struggles differently and I think you will both just do the best you can in a tough situation. Just try to put yourself in her shoes and know you may have to be the bigger person if things get tough for her.