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Single Parents
mobaiss
member
3 Months Pregnant & Husband left
mobaiss
member
So. I'm new to this board and at the moment, scared out of my mind and torn. My husband and I got married in February after 10 years. We had gone through a year break and he came back full force. A completely different person, totally changed. We did counseling and worked on a lot of issues and in the end he convinced (which is not easy to do) me, our friends, my family and his family that he was committed to being a better man and he was in love with me and would be the best husband he could be.
We conceived in March after months of him begging me to get off the pill. I was reluctant because I wasn't sure we were ready or fully stable on where we were going to live with his constantly nomadic job. He worked out of state most of the time before the wedding and since we came home after the wedding, visiting as often as possible. It was a life I didn't love but I knew what I married in to and I loved him. It just came with the territory of his line of work.
A couple weeks ago he started acting different. He was irritable and distant. He never wanted me to publicly announce that I was pregnant until we passed the 12 week mark which annoyed me but just thought he was being cautious. At first he seemed very happy. Helping with names, participating in baby conversations, etc. This weekend we did our gender reveal and he was acting very distant. We hadn't seen each other in 2 months and he wouldn't kiss/touch me, wasn't excited. Before he boarded the plane I heard a voice mail on his phone from a girl and accused him of cheating. he said "He wasn't a good husband" and eventually admitted he'd been cheating. He even went so far as to tell me to not have the baby, which is out of the question.
So here I am. Scared to death of being a single mom. Feeling life is unfair because I've done everything by the books. I've always been an honest person, a good friend, good in school, waited a while before our marriage to make sure we were ready and would never divorce, was independent and strong when I needed to be and my dream was just to have a loving family of my own with a husband and children enjoying soccer practice, taking the dog to the dog park. That's not so much to ask is it? I've done my fair share of charity. I do need to go to church more. He cheated before which is why we separated for so long. But I swear when he came back he was so different and so happy. People say things aren't just out of the blue but can I tell you? Sometimes they are. I only could tell up to about a month ago that something was up.
Do I owe it to God, and this baby and our marriage to try to work it out? Or just I just file for divorce and move on? How am I going to make enough money to support me and a baby? I am so tired of having to be strong? And not just day to day strong, I mean it's one thing after another happening to me. I'm a good person, I'm not stupid or gullable, I stuck up for myself, I put my foot down, I'm a good person... Now I'm so worried about my baby girl. I've been under so much stress and now this. I can barely eat I just want to throw up.
Any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
We conceived in March after months of him begging me to get off the pill. I was reluctant because I wasn't sure we were ready or fully stable on where we were going to live with his constantly nomadic job. He worked out of state most of the time before the wedding and since we came home after the wedding, visiting as often as possible. It was a life I didn't love but I knew what I married in to and I loved him. It just came with the territory of his line of work.
A couple weeks ago he started acting different. He was irritable and distant. He never wanted me to publicly announce that I was pregnant until we passed the 12 week mark which annoyed me but just thought he was being cautious. At first he seemed very happy. Helping with names, participating in baby conversations, etc. This weekend we did our gender reveal and he was acting very distant. We hadn't seen each other in 2 months and he wouldn't kiss/touch me, wasn't excited. Before he boarded the plane I heard a voice mail on his phone from a girl and accused him of cheating. he said "He wasn't a good husband" and eventually admitted he'd been cheating. He even went so far as to tell me to not have the baby, which is out of the question.
So here I am. Scared to death of being a single mom. Feeling life is unfair because I've done everything by the books. I've always been an honest person, a good friend, good in school, waited a while before our marriage to make sure we were ready and would never divorce, was independent and strong when I needed to be and my dream was just to have a loving family of my own with a husband and children enjoying soccer practice, taking the dog to the dog park. That's not so much to ask is it? I've done my fair share of charity. I do need to go to church more. He cheated before which is why we separated for so long. But I swear when he came back he was so different and so happy. People say things aren't just out of the blue but can I tell you? Sometimes they are. I only could tell up to about a month ago that something was up.
Do I owe it to God, and this baby and our marriage to try to work it out? Or just I just file for divorce and move on? How am I going to make enough money to support me and a baby? I am so tired of having to be strong? And not just day to day strong, I mean it's one thing after another happening to me. I'm a good person, I'm not stupid or gullable, I stuck up for myself, I put my foot down, I'm a good person... Now I'm so worried about my baby girl. I've been under so much stress and now this. I can barely eat I just want to throw up.
Any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: 3 Months Pregnant & Husband left
But you need to let go of the fantasy. Thats the only way this works.
You are so hung up on your fairy tale that you refuse to let it go. Well stop it. All you will do is teach your daughter that its okay to let a man treat you like a door mat.
Throwing leaves
We are sympathetic to people to come here, we are a tight-knit group that is very supportive, but your tone came off as "ugh, I'm a bad person because now I have to be a single mother" and that's why some of us reacted the way we did. I never chose to be a mother, let alone a single mother, but I've embraced it. We also don't put up with drive-by women who come here, "wah wah wah" and then disappear.
Throwing leaves
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. My situation is kind of similar (cheating), but I was single with a baby who had just turned one when we seperated. You can do this on your own and it looks like you haven't been given much of a choice, so embrace it. I would not try to work on things. He doesn't seem remorseful and it sounds like he has a history of bad behavior, so really there comes a time when "enough is enough." To be honest, I was terrified of being a single mom. I felt I could not do it, which is why I did not leave my ex during the first year of our son's life even though I found his activities very suspicious. I can financially support myself, I just felt unable to do all of the things being a single mom entails. I was so worked up over it that I couldn't sleep or eat.
I found that when push came to shove, it was so much easier than I had imagined. Many of the "worst case scenarios" never materialized. People were very sympathetic to my situation and offered to help when I needed it (babysit, etc). You need to make sure he financially supports your child. It is his responsibility, no question. Take things one day at a time. Lean on family and friends for support if you can. I can personally attest that being a single parent is LESS stressful than being with an a-hole who constantly has you worried about lies and cheating. You can eventually start a new life with someone who loves and respects you. As long as he's a good father and gets some visitation/custody, you also get some alone time that a lot of mothers don't get. Try to focus on the positives of the situation. Hang in there!
What kind of business are your parents in?
I have thought and felt many of the things you are experiencing. I wish for that fairy tale but as each day passes I get stronger and stronger and realize my home is a happier and healthier home than before. I too need to downsize, find a new job, and I have a 3 and almost 2 year old with family an hour away. Some days I want to cry. Some days I want to feel sorry for myself. Most days I just do what I gotta do because these boys NEED me to. Good luck!
Second, no i wasnt scared to be a single parent because i knew being my sons only parent was better then coparenting or sharing him with my bd.
Also, you sound like a holier then though bitch in your op so why dont you fuck yourself. Welcome to single parents, were a tight knit group of friends if you want some support how about you give it. We wont unicorn shit rainbows or puppies vommiting glitter support for you because frankly we dont know you.
Were not your fucking personal google,wlcome to single parents. Yes i am the board bitch, so next timr you can call me out by name. But dont like that we didnt crawl up your ass hole to welcome you then theres the fucking door.
Minnesota: you're wasting your breath hunny. No point in telling me how many things you got going on in your life or how hard your work or even what you think, it's just much simpler to ignore you. I'm pregnant and stressed enough which isn't good for my baby, why would you be so rude and try to insult me and get me all worked up again? It's pointless anyways like I said. You can keep commenting just know you'll be 100% ignored and I'm not going anywhere.
Throwing leaves