Parenting Check In

ATXmommas

Pumping and bumping here!

How was your week? Any successes, challenges, milestones, etc. you want to share?

QOTW: What is the biggest parenting challenge you have faced so far and how have you handled it? Or, is there a challenge that hasn't yet occurred that you worry about?

2brides

It is the last week of school! HOLY MOLY! Where did this year go!??!?! The kids are excited to go to camp and I am excited not to have nightly homework battles. We are starting to get 'world awareness' recently "What are drug dealers? What are drugs? Is drinking bad for you?"

Probably the biggest so far was sleeping (or lack thereof) or potty training. Both were nightmares.   But I suspect we haven't even seen the tip of it as he begin the drive into pre-teen and teen years. I am sure things that 14y olds do/think of won't hold a candle to a kid who woke multiple times a night or pooped in their underwear for months. :P

Jazibel

@herbabymama - so sorry that you and K are going through such a rough time. I hope that you and your boss reach an understanding so that you can be there for your family when you need to be.  Have you talked to HR just to keep a record of these communications?

@2brides - congrats on making it through another school year!!  What kind of camp do the boys do?

@sarahtrpt - good luck on your upcoming move.


We had a great weekend.  Pride was so much fun!  :-)  We love Santa Cruz and spent the day there, getting home around 8pm.  Tired but happy.  Since we've taken a few short day trips in the last couple of weeks our minivan is a nightmare.  I need to clean it soon - maybe this afternoon if K and O give me a nice long nap. 
Kaden is adjusting more and more to being a big brother, and having to have patience many times throughout the day.  I am really grateful for how things are going so far. At the same time this is the answer to my QOTD... 
Kaden is talking more and more now using short sentences like "Can't get me". We're working on some "opposite" concepts like up/down, open/closed, in/out. Which he understands conceptually but now we're working on using them in speech.  Its amazing how their little brains are like sponges.

Owen is a happy eater and so far sleeper.  He's fussy and cluster feeds every evening/night until 11-12ish.  In that time I give him lots of cuddles, change a few poopy diapers, work out gas bubbles with bicycle legs, and of course nurse, nurse nurse.  It's precious though because its our "alone" time since Kaden is sleeping.  I love Owen's big curious yes, and his wrinkly forehead when he peers around.  He can pick his head up and hold it up for a long time 1-2 minutes, which is pretty amazing.  Other than that he has some baby acne and cradle cap which I'm not really sure what to do about. A little breastmilk here and there, but we're hoping these things will just resolve themselves in time.  Owen's also started smiling.  Awww it just melts my heart.. He's a month old today.  I can't believe we've shared our life with him for one month already!!

QOTD:  We've had great progress around becoming an older brother. But there are still times that are really tough.  Right now Kaden won't leave Owen alone when he's in the swing.  He tries to kiss or lick (yes lick) his head, or lay his head on him.  When Owen cries he picks up his Wubbanub pacficer (the kind with a stuffed animal on it) and puts in in Owens mouth.  It's cute, but when all I want is Owen to sleep for a few minutes.... Plus I'm worried Kaden will hurt him, or break the swing.  Then we've had the deliberate grabbing at Owen which happens in frequently now but is still so scary.  The other day Kaden tried to pull a glove off Owens hand with his mouth and bit his hand.  Ugh!!  Owen's fine, and the incidents are few and far between but when Kaden was an infant we handled him with kid gloves.  It's hard to feel like I can't completely protect Owen 100% of the time. Kaden loves his little brother and seriously its the cutest, sweetest thing to see them interact and cuddle, but trying to get a toddler to behave like a responsible adult??  Anyway we keep working on it, and have created lots of boundaries, etc.  Obviously people must have made this work over the years since there are so many 2nd and 3rd+ children out there.

ATXmommas

@herbabymama‌ - I'm so sorry - about your FIL and your work situation. What a terrible position to be in. I've noticed too that I pump less when I'm highly stressed. I hope things start getting better at work and my warmest thoughts are with you and K as you are preparing for your FIL's loss.

@2brides‌ - I thought this was a funny read, but you can probably relate much better than those of us with infants and toddlers - https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/3378480/

@sarahtrpt‌ - I feel you on the sleep! I think HBM mentioned recently that she us able to sleep through nighttime nursing. I have never been able to do that unfortunately. I'm so tired! Other than bedtime, we're not in a routine, so I can't offer advice there. Remind me - are you SAHM or are you going back to work soon?

@jazibel - wow, you are so much more adventurous than I was when Ash was a month old! Plus you have a toddler in tow! Love that you and HBM were able to meet up at pride!

Our update - we had a blast in Chicago last night. LO was a bit of a squirm worm, but we managed flying on our own from Austin to Chicago just fine. I did think this was funny - I found a window seat when I boarded. The flight attendant said several times that it was a full flight and that people needed to sit in the middle seat, etc - he repeated this several times. Well, the only empty seat was next to me! People avoided us like the plague! Worked out well for me - gave me more room to nurse him since his feet were hanging into the middle seat. My mom flew back with us, so that was great, but I did get to experience changing a poopy diaper in an airplane restroom for the first time. Awesome.

I mentioned last week that Ash had stopped eating solid food for a few days - well, I didn't realize at the time, but it was a sure sign of teething. His two bottom teeth have popped through!!! He still doesn't eat a lot, but he is much more interested in food now. We're still doing finger foods, and it is so much fun watching him feed himself.

He's also sitting up really well and seems really close to getting into a sitting position on his own.

QOTW: I've been thinking a lot about the challenges of adding a second child to the mix. I'm even thinking about delaying a second child for longer than I originally planned, but we'll see - I want them to be fairly close in age. I'm learning a lot by reading @Jazibel‌'s updates. I plan on nursing our next kiddo too and it is such a commitment. It feels like it will be years before I have a bit of freedom - when I'm not nursing or pumping every 3 hours round the clock.

PIP from the weekend (will share Chicago pics on Thursday):

Filmfanatic82

@herbabymama‌ - So sorry and T&Ps to you and your wife.  Went through something similar with my FIL two years ago and it was rough enough as is.  Couldn't imagine going through it with now with a LO to take care of as well.  Hang in there! 

@2brides - Love camp season!  Sleep away or daycamp?  I was a live long sleep away camper and will be sending Charley as soon as she's old enough.  I used to look forward to going every year and honestly I think my mom did too

@sarahtrpt‌ - I hear you on the lack of a routine.  Charley is a little over 11 weeks and we still don't have a solid routine during the day.  Naps are completely random.  Sometimes she'll go down for 2 hours and sometimes only 15 mins. I would love for her to be a bit more predictable but figure it will come in time.

@jazibel - Sounds exactly like our household except our first child happens to be an over excited puppy who just wants Charley to play with him 24/7.  Every time Charley is in the swing Frisbee is suddenly compelled to swing with her.

@STXmommas -  He's such a cutie!!  And I love that onesie.  Where did you get it?

@winstan1 - Sounds like a great week especially with getting to introduce camping to your LO.

It's been a relatively good week here. I was finally able to return to playing softball which felt absolutely amazing.  I've been playing with a competitive travel team for the last decade or so, but had to take a break when I got pregnant. 

(PIP) my team got Charley her first jersey (onesie) so she was all decked out and cheered me on from the bleachers with Danielle. 

QOTD: I think the biggest challenge for me has been the transition between our pre-child lives to now. Both my wife and I have highly demanding jobs with crazy work hours and travel which worked for us (for the most part) but now not so much.  It seems like I've completely changed my day to day life since I am on an extended maternity leave for the next few months but Danielle's day to day life hasn't changed all that much. 

Don't get me wrong, she's amazing with Charley and helps out when she is home but I find us struggling sometimes to understand / relate to each other over our days. Would love to know how other couples handled the transition in their relationships from pre-kids to kids.

ATXmommas

@Filmfanatic82‌ - Cherokee brand from target, I believe. it's part of a 3-piece set - it came with pin striped pants and a navy blazer. So cute! Love the little smirk on Charley's face!

JGY

@herbabymama - I'm so sorry that you are going through this.  Losing a parent is one of the most difficult things in life.  There are no words to make it any better.  And your work stress is just so unnecessary.  I am very familiar with having an unreasonable (and potentially mentally unstable) boss.  It can be such a difficult situation, and so incredibly stressful when you have no support within the office.  As for finding child care/help if you are alone with C for an extended period of time ... well we became pros in this.  Luckily our family was able to fly in, multiple times, from all over the country.  But in addition we really threw ourselves upon the mercy of our friends a few times.  It seemed unfathomable to us at the time, but some of our single/childless friends actually had vacation time to burn.  And more than that, they were willing to burn it on taking care of G when we had no daycare!  If it makes you feel better you can always offer something in return (like gardening help, or cooking, etc) since I know paying them is not really in the cards right now.  Good luck!

@2brides - you have your hands full with those two!  I'm not looking forward to those kinds of questions. 

@sarahtrpt - we didn't really settle into any solid routine until about 5 months.  I know many people are successful in doing so before then, but that's when it happened for us.  And then, once we thought we had it down, it all changed.  Rinse and repeat.  I hear this is how it goes for a while. 

@Jazibel - you and EV also have your hands full, but you seem to deal with everything with so much grace and patience.  Hats off to you!  For G's cradle cap we used coconut oil, and just rubbed/massaged it into his head.  When I got REALLY frustrated, I used Head & Shoulders, and then took his brush to it while in the bath (all soaped up) to get the flakes off.  That actually worked really well but I was very careful to not get the soap in his eyes/ears/mouth.  S wasn't willing to do it, it made her too nervous.

@atxmommas - glad your trip/traveling went well!  I'm really NOT looking forward to our trips this summer.  And I agree, I get a lot of perspective from reading @Jazibel's posts when it comes to thinking about having baby #2.

@winstan1 - I am so looking forward to outdoor adventures once G gets slightly older.  Sounds like you had a blast.

@filmfanatic82 - Charley is so cute!  We also had a really difficult time figuring out our relationship once G was born.  We also both had very demanding jobs pre-kid.  It was such a dramatic shift and our communication just tanked.  It took a really long time to recover.  We're not totally there yet, but we've finally made some major progress.  My only suggestion would be to identify/carve out a few things that will be "Hers" in caring for Charley.  For us, it was nighttime bottle.  We introduced a bottle at around 6 weeks, and from then on that was S's thing to do.  It helped give her confidence, create her own relationship with him, and gave me a few moments to myself (even though I was pumping).  It then also gave us good topics of conversation where we felt like we were working together to solve a family problem/issue/  Good luck!

___

Things are good here. I'm a day late posting because I took yesterday off to be with my Mom.  She flew in last week to help while S was out of town, and then in continuing ed all weekend.  She had a blast spending time with G; I swear he learns a new word every day.  We had been working on "Up" before she got here, and she taught him "Down."

Unfortunately we don't really seem to be effecting any change in his eczema with the diet modifications we've done.  It's frustrating.  I see an allergist in our future. 

QOTW:  This question made me laugh.  I think the overarching challenge for me has been to become a lot more humble.  My child (and I) have gone through just about everything that "Wasn't going to happen to us."  C-section, breastfeeding issues, combo feeding, ear infections, tubes, food allergies ... I'm really learning to take things as they come, and not take anything for granted.  And I have a far more empathetic nature when it comes to anything kid-related these days.

Have a great week, everyone! 

2brides

The kids go to a day camp at our gym. This is their 3rd year and they know a lot of the kids and the counselors. The swim daily, go rock climbing, play gym games, and go on great field trips. They love it - and we love that it is all day (many camps charge for aftercare) and the most affordable camp we can find. We recently talked to them about sleepaway camp, and they were horrified to know that some kids went away for a week (or more.) LOL. I don't see that happening anytime soon - due to their interest and $.

And that post about the end of school...so true. That signature thing is a dead ringer for the kids' weekly folder. :P And last week, I totally forgot to have them study spelling and....well, it showed in the test. Ooops.  But they will still be heading for 3rd grade, so I am not too worried.

Jazibel

@filmfanatic82 - Charley's just adorable.  I have to echo @sarahtrpt and @jgy's suggestions.  It's been a challenge redefining our relationship and my wife EV and I have definitely struggled with this very same issue over the last couple of years.  One thing that would frustrate EV is that she felt she got the worst time of the day with Kaden, he was often cranky in the later afternoons/evenings by the time she got home.  Also with her crazy work day it was hard to unwind before walking in the door and having the demands of parenting dropped on her shoulders.  We're still working on this and I think it will continue to evolve as time goes by.  A couple things we do, is I try to plan a little quality time between her and kiddos after work. I try to have dinner ready by the time she walks in the door so we can focus on eating, hanging out, going on a walk, etc. The days that EV's watched Kaden on her own have really altered her perspective of what I do all day. She realizes its not all sitting around and eating bonbons (I wish!!) ;-)   At the same time those times have really led to a deeper bond between her and Kaden.  Having two kids has been the great equalizer because there is so much to do, and someone always needs something that it's helped to keep us both really involved and juggling parenting simultaneously.  On the negative side its stressful to not have much down time, so we'll definitely be working that in. EV's been complaining lately that she never gets a break between work, kids and grad school. My hope is once school is over later this week that we can carve some solo time out for EV. I'd say for me too but with breastfeeding demands I can't get away just yet :-) But demanding as my day is, I'm mostly in control of my schedule which I find more relaxing.  Finally EV used to complain (and still does sometime) that we don't have a lot to talk about. And I have to grant her talking about nap schedules and poopy diapers isn't that thrilling on day 7.  So I try to save up other things to talk about, sharing activities, developments, etc. that occured with the kiddos.  And talking about articles I've read; friends, family updates, future goals anything but only the everyday stuff I do.  Because it's not something she does all day, or something she would enjoy doing all day it sounds like a chore list to her.  "I fed Kaden, and scrapped oatmeal off the floor, did the dishes, and laundry.  Then made lunch and scrapped that off the floor..."  LOL  

Anyway sorry for rambling - have a great day!!

P.S. - Gotta go clean up pee from the floor (ah the trials and tribulations of potty training)... :P

trisholio

Jazibel I had no idea being a SAHM would be so hard and I would have so little to talk to my wife about either.  My poor wife doesn't get a break either, she comes straight home and usually takes over with the girls so I can get a minute or two to myself.  The weekends she gets up with the girls and does most of the cleaning.  She is a trooper for sure!

Filmfanatic82

@sarahtrpt , @Jazibel, @JGY - Thanks for sharing  / weighing in.  Glad to hear this is something most couples go through when a kiddo is added to the mix

Will definitely try and carve out more one on one time for Danielle and Charley!

Jazibel

@trisholio - your wife sounds amazing!!  It really is unbelievably hard. I had no idea either.  I'd taken care of other kids (babysitting, camp counselor, etc.)  But I guess I never realized the difference 24/7 responsibility makes - lol!!  EV jokes that I'm excited to look for work because its going to be a break from being a SAHM - which has hands down been the hardest "job" I've ever had.  :-)

Danni_Girl

I'm still in the TTC stage, but I will be reading these threads every week.  
It's very insightful, specially reading about relationship issues that can and will pop up after a LO arrives.  I know they will still arise, but it's good to have an idea of how we could deal with them. 

BTW, you are all awesome Moms!