Help! NCDR

nanabanana06

So, I'm a little (say a lot) pissed right now. Every other week FIL and SMIL take Rosie for a night. We provided them with a car seat for these nights, clothes, ect. Well, a month or two ago they complained about her car seat not fitting. I tried helping them with it and left it at that. This last weekend they dropped her off and the first thing I noticed was her getting out of a high back booster. I was livid, but didn't say anything at the time. Rosie isn't 4 yet, another 6lbs from 40lbs, and just not mature enough for a booster seat yet. SMIL likes to think she knows everything when it comes to parenting and likes to think she's the pinnacle of parenting stuff. She's not. They are supposed to take Rosie for the weekend while I fly out to my grandfathers funeral in Michigan. So, in order to be peaceful in this situation I sent SMIL this message via FB:

.2:0.0.0.0.0">Hey, so I noticed the other day when FIL dropped Rosie off that she was in a booster seat and not the convertible seat. I really do not like this. She is not old enough or big enough to be in a booster yet. We really need to get this fixed before you guys take her this weekend. I am not comfortable at all with my 3 year old in a booster and do not want her riding in one. It's unsafe and illegal. So, what can we do to fix this issue. Thanks.

Am I coming off bitchy or preachy? She's very weird and will take things as a slight super quickly. I don't want her going into superiority mode. I need this to change so that Rosie can still go over to their house and so I feel comfortable this weekend. It's just so frustrating. They know I'm a tech and they know how I feel about these things. I am so pissed that she went behind our back to do this.

ElleBeeDub

Wow... I'd be pissed! I think your message is to-the-point and direct without being rude. You don't want to be so passive aggressive/nice that the message isn't taken seriously. She might still get offended, but I don't know if you can do anything about that

TJ1979

Obv the safety issue is #1, but this is a serious trust issue too! I would be very upset. Is this SO's parents? Can/would he talk to them?

km_md

Wow, I would be so pissed. Your message gets your point across without being rude, so I think it is good. Car safety is not something to mess around with, I can't believe she is going against what you want (and what the law is!). I hope that you get a good response from her and don't have to worry. 

I'm sorry for your loss as well. 

SarahA918

Definitely stress that it's illegal. That takes away any argument that you're being unreasonable or just want your way.

unaveragejane

I think your message was very direct. If she's touchy, yes, she's probably going to be miffed or have her feelings hurt; however, I think you were right not to beat around the bush.

If they're really having trouble with the car seat you want her to use, could they borrow your car while you are away?

kldole3

SarahA918 said:

Definitely stress that it's illegal. That takes away any argument that you're being unreasonable or just want your way.

I agree with this. She may still get offended but if you and your SO hammer this point then you might be able to get through to her.

nanabanana06

Well, she responded to my message. She said the seat we gave her is too small for Rosie. We gave them her old Graco My Ride 65's when we got the Radians. She is pretty long torsoed, so it's whatever. She said the seat they were using says she can ride in it, but I told her that the law is 4 years and 40lbs. We ordered them a combo booster though. That way we know they'll keep her in a harness. I'll help them install it and make sure they use it. When we give them the seat we'll make sure that next time they try to do this to ask first.

abby8279

What exactly is their chief complaint with your car seat?  Just that it is hard to fit in the car?  If so, tell them to suck it up b/c your daughters safety is the most important thing!!  And don't worry about coming off "bitchy" or "preachy" because I am sure you would rather tarnish their image of you a little (which will eventually be forgotten anyway) than have your daughter's safety in jeopardy.  That's what us mommies do...we protect our minis.  And if they still don't listen, feel free to release momma bear!

Mandmeesh

Yikes. I'm glad she responded decently to your FB message. But there is NO WAY they would be driving my kid around. But you know them best, so if they have what they need/request in no better seat, then I hope it works out so you can attend the funeral

nanabanana06

Mandmeesh said:

Yikes. I'm glad she responded decently to your FB message. But there is NO WAY they would be driving my kid around. But you know them best, so if they have what they need/request in no better seat, then I hope it works out so you can attend the funeral

Well, this is just adding to the long list of complaints with SMIL. Since I know it was her that did it. She's very petty and thinks she is the master of parenting. We bought them a better seat and if they aren't using it correctly then that'll be the end of that. Rosie loves going over there, but if they don't listen to use we'll have no choice but to not allow her to go.

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TJ1979

My mil suggested this once when she was "babysitting" E. And mh wonders why I won't leave E alone with her.