fight with husband- sorry long

jamino

I feel awful because I'm running on little- no sleep because of a sick child and I have a feeling this is why I blew up. So I guess this is more or less a post asking for some reassurance that other mommies go through these problems too.   
Background info- when we started TTC with #1 I said I don't just want 1 kiddo and only want to have 2- no more.  He was fine with that.  Now that we have an almost 1 year old I have kind of started hinting about when do we want to try for the 2nd, in a few months or next year.  He keeps saying we don't need anymore because he's too much work the way it is. Our child is a normal healthy(except for the last 2 days) child- no allergies, special needs, other problems.  In fact he is very active and has been walking since 10 months. So I know this is something that we still need to discuss and work out.

Anyway today he is going to a family party without us because of the sickness, which is fine with me and I told him to go without us- and I'd prefer it because some of his family drives me nuts.  The baby started whining and he said "see this is why we don't need another one".  I snapped back about how he doesn't have any idea how much work the baby is because he just sits on the computer for hours at a time.  He replied with' You're on my ass any time I leave so I have nothing else to do but sit around.  This is not true- he leaves for work before me, comes home later while I take baby to daycare, do grocery shopping, make supper, etc.  At least twice a week he will come home extra late(when baby is already in bed) because he wants to go with the guys to do guy stuff.  I'm fine with that, but then he gets mad when I ask him to watch baby while I go to work out for an hour.  I'm lucky if I get to go twice a week.  I'm not demanding that he do dishes, laundry, etc.  I just want him to talk to me at night instead of be on the computer.  I guess maybe I'm feeling neglected and like he doesn't love me as much as before the baby.  

I know a lot of this is because I'm tired and run down but I feel awful about fighting with him, although the things I said are really how I feel, I just suppress them most of the time so we don't fight. Anyone else ever feel this way???

amm0512

I feel this way sometimes too. My hubby will play on thecomputer in the morning while I get the baby ready. If DS starts to cry, DH will just keep playing on the computer. I've strongly suggested he get off the computer to play with his son, but sometimes it feels like I'm having to say something EVERY day.
As for trying for baby #2, it's actually me who has put the brakes on it. I am interested in adoption this time, but hubby isn't.

roo1oo

It seems like a cyclical struggle with by husband. I get overwhelmed and say something, then hubby pitches in for a bit. We both feel better and more in control, then we both slack off a bit, I notice the mess the house has become and start working on it while hubby does whatever it is he does, and suddenly I'm overwhelmed again.

I found I have to ask hubby to help me. I too get tired of having to ask him on a regular basis, but for whatever reason he just doesn't notice, or it doesn't click in his head that he's watching tv all evening while I'm making dinner, picking up baby every time he cries, giving him a bath and putting him to bed, doing laundry, dishes etc. I have to say, "Hey, play with the baby while I make some dinner." And then he's totally happy to do it. 

So yeah, try asking hubby to help, and also lower your own expectations some. Maybe hubby can do some grocery shopping on the way home from work? Maybe he can bring home carryout once or twice a week so you don't have to cook?

summererobinson

I think he is being unreasonable. It seems to me he doesn’t really like not having as much time he did or doesn’t like dealing with the non-fun part of kids. First off, think about if you really want a second when you’re having so little help already. Next, you should have a calm talk to him about the situation. I personally would have smacked him by now, but you seem more rational than me <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

BelhurstBride

So you're upset because your husband doesn't help more with the baby but you want to add another one to the mix?

Disneygeek77

BelhurstBride said:

So you're upset because your husband doesn't help more with the baby but you want to add another one to the mix?

Exactly, now is not the time for another baby.  It is time to work on your marriage.  And what do you mean he doesn't do laundry or dishes ?  Why not ?  He wears clean clothes and eats off of clean dishes doesn't he ?  Stop being a doormat and expect more out of the man you married.