help me educate dh

SassFrass

Dh and I are having difficulty being on the same page. He says he reads stuff but doesn't understand it. He can't even tell me what he has read, so I'm callin shit and don't think its fair that I have to do all the research and stuff to understand, and try to explain and he still doesn't get it. Any suggestions where to start with him? He one of those, " you ccan't believe everything on the internet" types, and google and I are beat friends...

sailorgal

Can you be more specific on what you are trying to educate him on?

Momarazzi007

Seriously, if that were my hubs it'd be, if you won't pay attention then you have to do what I say bc I am not wasting more time on your refusal to not be ignorant of our situation. Man up. But yeah, pp has a point, which part does he need schooling in?

SassFrass

I guess IF in general. He opened up a little bit more after I chewed him out and it was more, he doesn't understand why we made a baby in october, that ended in m/c, and we cant do it again.

GraceyandTroy

Have him read Taking Charge of Your Fertility.  I had my husband read a few chapters that I had selected and I think it really helped him understand everything.  Or, what The Great Sperm Race on youtube.  That one is interesting and really puts into perspective what it takes for sperm and egg to meet.  

Also, I agree with @momarazzi007 and would tell him if he doesn't want to learn, he doesn't have to.  But he has to be game for whatever I'm asking of him.

nycitygirl1

I'm not sure from your post exactly what the specifics are although it sounds like he's maybe reluctant to see an RE and get the process started. It's annoying that you're the one that has to educate him but better that than letting him read misinformation on the internet. I think you need to explain to him what PCOS is and why it makes it difficult to get pregnant and explain that unfortunately as a woman you don't have all the time in the world to get PG "naturally" (ie, our eggs get old and there may not be as many of them left as you may think). It sounds like he may be afraid and/or in denial so I'd definitely have a candid conversation and make sure he's on the same page before moving forward. Maybe this first person account from a man might help?

https://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/you-and-your-partner/are-we-ever-going-to-have-a-family.html

sailorgal

Does he want it to happen? Is there maybe a further issue there - ie lack of interest? Not wanting to spend money on it? You noted that he was reluctant to do the SA, so does that play into it, etc. I'd get to the bottom of the emotional side of it and try not to chew him out over it. Be better if you were just both on the same page and not seemingly on opposite sides. 

My husband leaves the research up to me and I have no problem with that. It's how we run most things in our lives from getting a baby to buying a new appliance or planning a vacation. I leave room for him to ask questions when he seems interested or look things up when he wants to.

SassFrass

He opened up a bit, about our loss, and he is scared. Which understand. So I'm just going to start showing him as I do things, like my opk this morning, explained how it works and how its different from an hpt... so he was like ooooooh. So i think if I explain things in baby steps, it will help. And def getting a copy of the fertility book!

Momarazzi007

So, what I am gathering is he has pain and hurt from miscarriage he hadn't processed yet. That is normal (guys right) and sounds like you guys finally have an open door for that communication. I know one of my husband's fears was losing me if something drastic ever happened. Guys can't vocalize that well. Keep taking, work through these issues and I think he will probably come around and feel better and maybe even more proactive! I am glad things are moving forward for you and it sounds like you guys might come through together stronger despite the hardships- not easy to do w IF. Just hear him out and make your wishes/needs clear. I told my husband a long time ago no children was not an option. One kid might be- but only if we exhausted our options. I am sure he still has fears but knows to me they are worth it. You're right- baby steps!!!

SassFrass

Thank you! It feels like we took a HUGE step, together instead of separately. He is very closed about feelings and emotions, and it takes him awhile to vocalize. I should be giving birth in TWO weeks, and it just really hit him that I have been trying my heart out to figure out what is going on! He is definitely on board after our heart to heart. I feel a lot better too.

We also decided that we are going to try everything at least once. After that if no luck, then we will decided our stopping point and decide if adoption will be our next step, or if we will just settle for my DD. DH has no children of his own, so this most likely has been just as hard on him as it has on me.

you ladies are wonderful, thank you so much for helping me get into the right direction