How would you feel? (NBR)

Rosebean

This Sunday is my friend's son's 9th birthday. I have an opportunity to attend a training/seminar for the new product I am getting into and I can invite two potential partners to come with me. I put a public invitation on FB to try to get someone to come with me (basically, I posted it was a ladies afternoon appies and wine...) and she posted "I can't make it because I have a birthday to go to". 

I texted her and said I didn't think I would be able to make her son's birthday party... and as much as that post I made was all "lets have a party and drink wine"... it really was more about trying to grow my partner opportunities to grow my business. Which, in essence, this friend wants no part of. I haven't really talked to her since, but IMO, a 9th birthday? Kinda a NBD kind of thing. She didn't make it to DS's first birthday (which never bothered me), and to be honest, by the time my son is 9, her son will be 17 and why on earth would a 9 year old need all their mom's friends to come to their birthday party? At that age, don't they just want to play with their friends? It just seems super silly to me. She's had other parties in the past that I wasn't invited to (which, again, NBD) for him because... well... like I said before. Kids' birthdays should be for the kids! 

I think I have hurt her feelings... She tends to be a pretty dramatic person and I am sure she is actually downright ticked that I am choosing to go do this "big ole wine and cheese" party over driving an hour out of town just to be at her son's 9th birthday party (which also happens to be during nap time, I might add). So I guess what I want to know is, am I being a bad friend? Am I over thinking it? I am not trying to downplay the importance of her kid... I love her and him to pieces. I just don't like that I have made her feel the way I think I made her feel and I am wondering if you were in her shoes, would you be pissed. And yes, maybe this is a way for me to assauge my guilt. 

SummerLove21

I agree with all of your points, and I think your friend is being overly dramatic, but it might have been a good idea to communicate all that to her before you put out your invite on Facebook (Hey, I'm so sorry that I can't make your DS' birthday; I have a work event coming up. I can bring a couple of people with me, and I wish you could come, but I'm going to post it on FB to see if anyone else is interested.  Have so much fun!).  

I can see how it might look like you didn't care about her kid's party.  That's the inevitable problem with social media/email...we don't get to communicate intent along with the posted message.   

But...also, I am a people pleaser and I tend to tread very lightly most of the time.

tamarar5

She might be out of sorts, but you are right. The kid is nine. He's not YOUR friend, you are friends with his mom. He won't care one snit that you are or are not there. I would reach out again and make a point to ask how it went but go do my own thing.

FWIW, my SIL planned my nephew's 9th birthday party the same weekend as our wedding reception. It made sense because everyone would already be up and around for it. But... it was an hour drive each way in the wrong direction from our honeymoon and we had to go back to the hall and clean up the morning after too. I was exhausted from the prep and the party, let alone the clean up. We didn't go to his party.