Lets talk about sex

silverandgray

So, my DH and I are planning to start TTC our first in July. I've been temping and trying to get familiar with my cycle over the last few months so I can give us the best chance of hitting the right window before and around ovulation. We're both excited about starting a family, but we've agreed that we would prefer not to stress over it too much for now, so if it takes a little while, NBD.

However... we don't have the most active sex life in general. There have been a few health and other stress issues over the last several years that have really curbed his libido, and TBH, it's not unusual for us to go three or four months without getting it on. So I'm wondering how to go about legit trying to make a baby without putting a bunch of pressure on either of us to perform on schedule and making what little sex we do have into a chore. 

Any advice?   :-/  How do you keep TTC from being a source of unnecessary stress?

tcam2012

Hi. I normally post on other boards. I don't have great advice because it kept feeling a bit like a chore to me. A couple of things that helped was doing it in the morning. It's easier to get all snugly when you're already in bed & there's not as much thinking. Also, if you decide to temp or do opk's, don't just announce that you're ovulating... Learned that one the hard way.

[Deleted User]

We make a game out of it. We pick some weird position to try or read some of those stupid sex tips from magazines. This has resulted in lots of laughter and lots of sex. Some of  that stuff is seriously ridiculous  We're a goofy couple so that works for us. Figure out what works for your relationship. You might be silly like us or you might need more romance.

silverandgray

Haha, thanks ladies. I suppose we could make a game of trying to hit a different room in the house each time. (Except the basement... I'm unilaterally putting the kibosh on that one because bugs. Ick.) And maaaaybe it is time to bust out the lingerie again... I've put on 10 lbs or so since we got married so it does a number on my ego, but I know he doesn't judge my pudge the way I do. 

ETA: I like your approach @Joy2611 - I'm just concerned that in any given month, we might not "feel like" having sex at all. There's no way I could suddenly escalate us to to every day or every other day without making us both miserable. I want to do just like you say - hit at least one or two days right before ovulation (I am temping, so I can sorta plan for that) and not worry about it beyond that.

jnnfrrose6

DH and I can go a few months without having sex.  For some couples, it just happens.  Other people can't imagine it.  When either of us realizes it's been awhile, we'll bring it up in conversation.  More about getting back on the same page and making it more of a priority because intimacy is important.  When we decided we were ready to TTC, we just made a point to have some fun.  I was temping, but I didn't let DH know where I was in my cycle so he didn't get performance anxiety.  If your goal is to have a kid, then you'll find a way to make sex happen.

CallMeShoes

We're not TTC, but when I wanna do it, and he doesn't, it's really an easy conversation in my house.

Me:  "Hi.  You're cute.  Take off your pants."
Him:  "I'm sleepy/other excuse."
Me:  "That's nice.  Take off your pants."
Him:  Grumble grumble.
Me:  "That's nice.  Take off your pants."  Thrusts boobs into his face, or starts heavy petting him.
Him:  Grumble grumble.
Me:  Unzips his pants.
Him:  Grumble grumble.

...

After the fact:
Him:  "That was nice.  We should do that more often."

silverandgray

Joy2611 said:

Nicb13 said:

Then you just don't have sex. Like you said, you aren't in any rush so I think "forcing" something that neither of you are really into will turn this into a chore. I had missed my window of opportunity during some months because like you, we weren't having sex that often but hey, life goes on and there's always the next month.

Agreed.  I know some women take trying to have a baby very seriously, but I'm not at that point yet because we're still so early in this process.  It's okay to be laid back.  It's okay to miss a month.  What's not okay is forcing someone into doing something when they aren't in the mood.

Yeah, I'm not there either. We're ready but, like Nicb13 says, in no rush. I can't imagine DH would object to sexy games or lingerie, regardless.