Decision to Become a SAHM?

lhbird87

Andrewsgal said:

If you ask a question and want real answers it's kind of important to give all the information to begin with. The fact that you physically can't work was some pretty important information you left out to begin with.

True but I wasn't asking for opinions on my situation originally and people asked so I answered. All I originally wanted to know was how others made that choice... I could still try to work... And I could try to work plus be mommy... I don't really know what I'm capable of at this point.

Andrewsgal

lhbird87 said:

If you ask a question and want real answers it's kind of important to give all the information to begin with. The fact that you physically can't work was some pretty important information you left out to begin with.

True but I wasn't asking for opinions on my situation originally and people asked so I answered. All I originally wanted to know was how others made that choice... I could still try to work... And I could try to work plus be mommy... I don't really know what I'm capable of at this point.

But it doesn't matter how others made the choice if you can't do the same. Seriously we have all been flamed. Hang around, learn the rules of the board. There are a lot if women on this board who do an amazing job living off a budget and saving money, you will learn a lot.

Mrs.Hizzo

OMG, we get 5 posts about this a week. People asked her to clarify, and she did. It's not like she was being sketchy about it. Was it necessary to tattle to another board? No, but I can totally get why she was feeling defensive and wanted a little love. Was it necessary for you to go back and search her post history just so that you could say "GOTCHA!"? No. You could have just answered her questions politely and this wouldn't even be a thing.

Andrewsgal

Mrs.Hizzo said:

OMG, we get 5 posts about this a week. People asked her to clarify, and she did. It's not like she was being sketchy about it. Was it necessary to tattle to another board? No, but I can totally get why she was feeling defensive and wanted a little love. Was it necessary for you to go back and search her post history just so that you could say "GOTCHA!"? No. You could have just answered her questions politely and this wouldn't even be a thing.

oh give me a fucking break I wasn't trying to gotcha her, but whatever you think hizzo. Like no one ever goes back and looks at post history. It was kind of important information in this post. Just like the fact that she couldn't physically work was important.

notkateanymore

lhbird87 said:

Keep your job, Snowflake.

I don't have one because I lost it for having weekly seizures?

Then why are you asking if you should become a SAHM? You're already a SAHW.

Mrs.Hizzo

Of course you were. Why else would you have bothered to take the time to go back and look at her posts and then call her on it in a way that makes me think you were positively salivating all over your keyboard while you were typing? This is your thing, AG, don't pretend it's not. That's fine with this board, we get you, but it's a little cruel to do to someone who just came here asking an honest question.

notkateanymore

OK, OP, I honestly don't get your question...if you're not working now, why are you asking if you should go back to work when the baby comes? Are your health issues going to clear up when you are done being pregnant? I am lost. 

Oh and telling on us to another board is super lame.

Andrewsgal

For fucks sake hizzo what did I do to piss you off lately as you have been up my ass. I can guarantee you I am not the only one who looks at post history far from it, you might do better blocking me since it seems everything I post gets your panties in a bunch and since I am so mean go for it. Then you don't ever have to see my crap again (insert huge eye roll here)

Mrs.Hizzo

I have totally not been up your ass. If anyone has been up anyone's ass, you've been up mine. You're calling me out on everything I say, lately.

But really, that's nothing to do with this. Honestly, I'd have been offended if I went to a different board wanting advice and you responded to me the way you responded to the OP. I just feel like we don't always represent ourselves very well here, and sometimes it's warranted because the question is just dumb, but sometimes it's not and I think we come off looking like hateful bitches. This post is one of those times.

And you know damn well I would never block you.

Andrewsgal

I wrote a pretty nice response too, but don't tell hizzo that would ruin her whole AG is the devil attitude lately.

Mrs.Hizzo

Sigh. OK, AG, I get you're pissed, but I'm available for make-up sex whenever you decide to get over your mad.

Andrewsgal

I am not mad just confused on when I peed in your Cheerios.

notkateanymore

OP ANSWER MY QUESTION

Disneygeek77

I'm confused too.  So you can't work now because you can't take medicine for your health conditions ?  Is that right.  However, once the pregnancy is over you can begin taking medicines for your  seizures and arthritis so you will then have the ability to work ?

How are you surviving now ?  Are you paying your bills ?  Do you have saving and a retirement account ?  Do you have debt ?  Could you work opposite shifts from your husband ?  Could you do something like waitressing or bartending ?  Could you work at another call center at night while he works during the day ?

rosesandpetals

OP, I pm'd you some info about (legit) WAH and freelance jobs for graphic designers. Might be worth looking into. I swear I don't get paid to spam them to people lol.

bumpuser8448316

I have RA. You can work with it if you so choose. It's not an excuse to not work if you can't afford to SAH.

Mrs.Hizzo

Andrewsgal said:

I am not mad just confused on when I peed in your Cheerios.

You didn't. I'm confused that you think that. I don't always agree with you, but it's not personal, and I can't think of a time I've attacked you because of it? Unless you want to count here, but it's not like I brought you up in my Rescue Mission Post, you were just the only person who responded.

Aussie45

OP, I forgot to mention in my first post that I got my job when I was pregnant. I was a CNA and the place that I was working at the year before was horrible. I gave them my 2w notice and quit. DH and I got pregnant the following month in Dec. We were actively trying, but didn't expect it so soon. I got my job in January. Once I had gotten the job, I told them that I was pregnant. Since I worked there for less than a year, I did not qualify for maternity leave. I had to quit basically. They told me that after 8-12w (however long I decided to take off), they would absolutely hire me back. It was after I had DD that I chose to not go back and stay with her. It has been hard and we have had to do without certain things (not needs, just wants) and budget. I think it's definitely been worth it.

Right now, since your seizures have subsided, I would absolutely go work right now. At least until the baby comes, and then try to decide after the birth/maternity leave on what you should do.

JunkieBrewster

Andrewsgal said:

Um in this post you said you can't afford to stay home so Unless something has changed you need to get a job. https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12341001/how-to-navigate-a-job-change#latest

@Andrewsgal, things change.

I originally thought I could not stay home with my son 8 years ago, but we were able to do things to make it happen. We refinanced our home, emptied a stock I had to pay off debt, changed my husbands withholdings, and it was do-able. 

Andrewsgal

kayhold said:

Andrewsgal said:

Um in this post you said you can't afford to stay home so Unless something has changed you need to get a job. https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12341001/how-to-navigate-a-job-change#latest

@Andrewsgal, things change.

I originally thought I could not stay home with my son 8 years ago, but we were able to do things to make it happen. We refinanced our home, emptied a stock I had to pay off debt, changed my husbands withholdings, and it was do-able. 

do you think perhaps that's why I started my answer "unless things have changed"? Reading comp fail.

JunkieBrewster

I was simply stating the things that COULD have easily changed, but carry on with your defensive self. *thumbsup*

notkateanymore

Liquidating stocks to stay home seems like a super financial choice.

Andrewsgal

kayhold said:

I was simply stating the things that COULD have changed, but carry on with your defensive self. *thumbsup*

and I specifically said IF THINGS HAVEN'T CHANGED. Is that simple enough? So pretty sure I covered that base. :-bd

JunkieBrewster

KateMW said:

Liquidating stocks to stay home seems like a super financial choice. 

Yes. Liquidating one of my very small, low return stocks while leaving my larger ones (that's plural) in place to allow me to stay at home is the worst fucking choice I could possibly make. 

Would you also like to tell me how awful my choice to refinance our 10 year mortgage to a 20 year was also awful, and not worth being able to stay home with my child? You know, since you know SO MUCH about my finances? 

I was making a point to the conversation. No need to foam at the mouth, guys. It's not that serious. I didn't make fun of your shoes.

Andrewsgal

December 14 overall has a kick ass cool board, but then like every BMB they have their share of um hmmm well you know these kind too.

JunkieBrewster

Andrewsgal said:

December 14 overall has a kick ass cool board, but then like every BMB they have their share of um hmmm well you know these kind too.

Honestly, I was doing nothing more than joining the conversation, until you got snotty with me for no reason. I don't know the OP, I was not here to defend her.

Someone makes a point, someone counters it sometimes or offers insight. That is  how conversations often go.

Andrewsgal

kayhold said:

Andrewsgal said:

December 14 overall has a kick ass cool board, but then like every BMB they have their share of um hmmm well you know these kind too.

Honestly, I was doing nothing more than joining the conversation, until you got snotty with me for no reason. I don't know the OP, I was not here to defend her.

Someone makes a point, someone counters it. That is generally how conversations often go.

Right but you made a point that obviously pointed out you did not read or did not understand what I wrote. You were wrong. So I pointed that out that's generally how message boards work.

Aussie45

Andrewsgal said:

kayhold said:

I was simply stating the things that COULD have changed, but carry on with your defensive self. *thumbsup*

and I specifically said IF THINGS HAVEN'T CHANGED. Is that simple enough? So pretty sure I covered that base. :-bd

"Um in this post you said you can't afford to stay home so Unless something has changed you need to get a job." -AndrewsGal

Since, you know, you missed the first time. And the second and third.

JunkieBrewster

Aussie45 said:

Andrewsgal said:

kayhold said:

I was simply stating the things that COULD have changed, but carry on with your defensive self. *thumbsup*

and I specifically said IF THINGS HAVEN'T CHANGED. Is that simple enough? So pretty sure I covered that base. :-bd

"Um in this post you said you can't afford to stay home so Unless something has changed you need to get a job." -AndrewsGal

Since, you know, you missed the first time. And the second and third.

I did not miss it. Again, I was simply giving a list of thats that changed for ME, that's all. I was pointing out that yes, things CAN change, and for some people quite easily. Y'all have fun with this.

notkateanymore

Who cares about you? Who are you? Why are you commenting on this? I'm so lost.

Andrewsgal

kayhold said:

Aussie45 said:

Andrewsgal said:

kayhold said:

I was simply stating the things that COULD have changed, but carry on with your defensive self. *thumbsup*

and I specifically said IF THINGS HAVEN'T CHANGED. Is that simple enough? So pretty sure I covered that base. :-bd

"Um in this post you said you can't afford to stay home so Unless something has changed you need to get a job." -AndrewsGal

Since, you know, you missed the first time. And the second and third.

I did not miss it. Again, I was simply giving a list of thats that changed for ME, that's all. Y'all have fun with this.

You specifically stated in your post "andrewsgal sometimes things change" which I had already addressed. I seriously can not make this even more clear.

notkateanymore

Why do we care if things changed for the random poster with plural stocks? Did I really miss something?

Aussie45

kayhold said:

I did not miss it. Again, I was simply giving a list of thats that changed for ME, that's all. I was pointing out that yes, things CAN change, and for some people quite easily. Y'all have fun with this.

She mentioned it to begin with though. So it's not like she or anyone else wasn't aware that it could potentially change. You came on and literally said something that was already covered on page 1 right away.

JunkieBrewster

KateMW said:

Who cares about you? Who are you? Why are you commenting on this? I'm so lost.

I have been lurking around here for months, and this just happened to be my first post. I am a SAHM and I have been for 8.5 years. Is there a special card I needed to respond? Was this group invitation only and I missed it?  Are you the SAHM police? I am lost, too.

Andrewsgal

Welcome. Hang around, join in. Just a word of advice you might want to actually read what a particular poster says before calling out said poster. Learn to read and stay around.

magentawarped

kayhold said:

KateMW said:

Who cares about you? Who are you? Why are you commenting on this? I'm so lost.

I have been lurking around here for months, and this just happened to be my first post. I am a SAHM and I have been for 8.5 years. Is there a special card I needed to respond? Was this group invitation only and I missed it?  Are you the SAHM police? I am lost, too.

You obviously haven't lurked well enough if you thought this would go over well for you.

notkateanymore

I'm seriously questioning your judgement and your lurking if you thought this was going to go well as a first post. 

Aussie45

kayhold said:

I have been lurking around here for months, and this just happened to be my first post. I am a SAHM and I have been for 8.5 years. Is there a special card I needed to respond? Was this group invitation only and I missed it?  Are you the SAHM police? I am lost, too.

No one needs a card, but a freaking introduction so we have a clue who you are is nice. And to just jump in on a random thread, tell someone something that they already knew about, is just weird. AndrewsGal already stated things had changed, and you came on with your story for God only knows what reason. It's just...odd.

notkateanymore

amy052006 said:

I'm dying at "I cashed in my stocks".  I just can't with people anymore.

No worries @amy052006 she has plural.

JunkieBrewster

KateMW said:

amy052006 said:

I'm dying at "I cashed in my stocks".  I just can't with people anymore.

No worries @amy052006 she has plural.

I only mentioned it was plural because you were already assuming enough about my finances and financial choices. I was stating I have plural, and it wasn't like I was cashing in my retirement or life savings so I could stay home.

Also, I am not going back to look, but pretty sure what I said was I emptied out a stock.