New and question..

lisaren · May 2014

Hello ladies.

I'm 39 and will be 40 in February. I recently lost my son due to trisomy 18 on May 17. My husband and I were devastated - obviously. We have two children together and I have two children from a previous marriage. Our daughter is a special needs child who was diagnosed with infantile spasms at 4 months old. We've done every genetic test available and everything has come back negative. She is cognitively that of a 2 yr old, same as physical. She's almost 8 yrs old.

Our youngest daughter is fine. Ron healthy and a little diva. She is 6 yrs old.

We're debating on ttc again. My oldest two are close to college years. My heart feels slightly empty now After losing Brody. That was the name we gave him.

But I'm petrified of something happening again. Having to suffer through another loss. We know he has trisomy 18, they say this is completely a fluke deal but with our daughter who has SN it feels very unfair to have lightning strike twice.

We would wait until September to ttc, but what did you girls do to "prepare" yourselves physically??
Did you talk to a MFM before hand? Any testing you did before hand?

Any input is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

kelley72 · May 2014

I am so sorry for your loss, my heart aches for you. I have not had those experiences so cannot give you advice just wanted to say hello and maybe others have information. I only increased my folic acid levels prior to ttc before my last pregnancy and cut down on caffeine. I of course get nervous listening to the risks of genetic disorders with my age so I focus on the positives instead. I wish you well and hope you find peace and happiness with whatever you do.

Davie813 · May 2014

Welcome, and I'm very sorry for your loss.

To "prepare," I'm just taking a prenatal/DHA, calcium/magnesium/Vitamin D, and extra folic acid. I'm also taking a whole boatload of supplements that are supposed to help me conceive, but that's a separate issue...I'm also trying to generally improve my health and nutrition.

I hope some of the other ladies have some better tips/advice for you.

lcwed · May 2014

****Child Mentioned****

I am so sorry. DD was screened for mosaic downs syndrome shortly after she was born. All the chromosomes came back normal, but I remember the wait was agonizing. I know you have amazing strength to deal with the needs of your children.

It's still in the back of my mind as we try for #2, so this time I'm taking prenatals with DHA before we get pregnant. I know that some ladies on here mentioned that their spouses are taking folic acid as it is suppose to help keep sperm healthy, so DH started to take that. If all the genetic stuff came back negative and you are wanting a 3rd, maybe talking to a genetic counselor if you haven't already will give you some insight. That is what helped us understand what they were testing DD for and why.

gabbagal · May 2014

***own losses mentioned***

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can unfortunately relate to your fear b/c I have suffered two miscarriages and am petrified of something going wrong if we continue trying. Some months I'm almost as scared of the potential BFP as I am of the BFN!

The only OB I've seen is a MFM one b/c my first pregnancy was when I was 39, so I figured I was high enough risk to see one. I have to say it's been nice b/c people our age are the norm there. I didn't do any pre-testing, but they did a bunch of tests after my second loss that all came back negative. I didn't do much to prepare physically other than make sure I was getting enough folic acid.

Good luck, and I hope you find a path that feels right for you.

URMySunshine77 · May 2014

I'm so sorry for your losses. I just want to say that this community is a great support if you decide to TTC again.

lisaren · May 2014

Thank you very much for the responses.
I've read about coq10 and my MW are in same office as MFM but I feel weird or sneaky for seeing MFM without seeing MW. Hahaha. Ughhhhh

CaraH · May 2014

Oh my goodness. First, I am so sorry. You should definitely take some time to decide whether you want to TTC again. It would take me some time to process all those emotions.

We were high risk TTC for different reasons, even with our first child when I was in my early 30s. I did a prenatal consult with a mfn before I even stopped BC. It was hugely helpful, mostly just to know what the risks were, what we would do to monitor and what the options would be. I then started prenatals (with dha too), stuck to my exercise routine and took a deep breath.

Once I did get pregnant, I saw my OB for most of my care but was also monitored by a mfm. He sent reports to my OB, and they consulted as needed. I couldn't have seen just the specialist. In my area they rarely deliver babies and require you receive the bulk of your care from your OB.

Good luck!

thirtyninetoforty · May 2014

I am so sorry for you loss. CoQ10 is supposed to be helpful and it doesn't hurt to try but it also takes 90 days for it to really become effective. I take 200 mg - 100 in AM and 100 in PM

Welcome to the board. You will find much support here!

BeckyP005 · May 2014

Hello and welcome to the board. I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious boy. Big giant hugs to you and your family.

Samuelismomma · May 2014

Sorry for your loss:( huge hugs....I took coq10, vitamin c 1000 mg is pushed in Europe to prevent miscarriage and birth defects in cellular level. B complex, prenatal, and folic acid. My H took zinc( sperm is high in zinc if it's low the sperm can have defects) and male vitamin. ...take your time with your decision and good luck on whatever path you choose!

meredithcarole · May 2014

So sorry for your loss. Welcome to the board.

PrivateOne · May 2014

Welcome and I'm sorry for your loss. We are now doing PGD testing with our IVF, however this may not be helpful to you as it seems you have conceived naturally. We've had to do IVF cycles as the natural route did not work for us. We've decided to proceed with testing of our embryos to ensure we do not transfer abnormal ones. At my AMA and given previous losses we feel it is the only way to go. We are also doing banking cycles where we will keep doing retrievals until we get a good enough amount of embryos to test. By doing that we won't waste precious time and can get a good amount of embryos to test in hopes of having some normal ones. Statistically the more you have the more you can beat the odds.

Best of luck to you with whatever you decide, I'm sure it will not be an easy one to make.