second baby emotions

hurleygurl1788

I'm pregnant! And with my crazy hormones, I've been soo emotional lol big surprise there Anywho I've been especially emotional about my little 3 year old, and how I'm gonna any baby like I love him. Also hoping that I don't lose our special bond we have. Okay, crying as I type lol any mommas have advice to cope with this situation?? Thanks loves

k2west

IDK, but I am crying reading your post. (today is my due date with baby#2, DD is 2.5).

countrymice06

Well, this might be different than how others respond, but this has been my experience.  My older DD is 3.5 and I had the same worries that you are describing.  Since my DS has been born (six weeks ago), I have basically tried to give my DD the same attention I always have, even if that means ignoring the little guy for a second or two.  You do forget how little newborns actually need of your time.  I feed him, burp him, change him, and then he's basically good to go for another three hours.  That sounds horrible, but compared to a toddler, they are pretty basic.  During those three hours, I pour my attention into my DD.  

I know this won't work forever, but I think you are good for the first few months where they basically do sleep for very long stretches.  I take the little guy everywhere with us.  He goes to gymnastics, the library, parks, playgrounds.  He is really content in the stroller, and in the meantime, I'm talking the whole time to DD.  

I hope that helps!  Don't worry!  You will get used to the new normal.  

ashiscute

Totally normal.  I was terrified during my entire pregnancy with DS that I was ruining DD's life and that she wouldn't like me anymore.  I was certain that I wouldn't love DS like I loved DD and that he was just being a crazy interloper.  But then DS was born (DD was only 19.5 mos by the way) and guess what?  I love him just as much.  It is possible.  And DD loves him too.  

It's hard to be logical but just remember that all of the negatives of having another baby (less 1 on 1 time, etc) are so outweighed by the positives.  Watching siblings grow up together is the absolute best part of being a mommy for me.  My DD has not been scarred by having to share me with DS and she absolutely loves him.  Yes it is going to be hard at times but so worth it.  

ASmallWonder

I think EVERYONE has this fear  I definitely did.  And you know what?  I don't think DS1 (who was three when his brother was born) even comprehends a time before DS2 was in his life.  They ADORE each other.  It actually made me grow to love my first son more, which I thought was impossible but the interactions they'll have will put bigger smiles on your face than you thought possible.  

ashiscute

theresat858 said:

I worry sometimes about how DD will adjust, and yes, it will take attention away from her.

countrymice06 experiences were with a newborn or how recent they were, but in my experience, a newborn requires A LOT of attention, particularly if you are planning to breastfeed --- DD was nursing or I was pumping and giving a bottle for about 40 minutes out of every 2 hours during the day for the first 2-3 weeks, and after that she was still nursing for 30-45 minutes every 1.5-2 hours for several more weeks.
Thankfully we will only have the challenge of not having enough energy and attention to go around in the evenings and weekends, as DD will be continuing to attend daycare during the day once the newborn arrives.  But I really don't think for most newborns you can "deal with them" once every 3 hours and call it good... that's a very laid back baby right there. 

I had to comment.  All of this is true.  I have never met anyone who had a baby that they could feed and change and then not have to worry about for 3 hours.  That was not my experience with a toddler and newborn at all.  My experience was being thankful that crayola made washable crayons because sometimes the only way to keep DD happy while I was nursing DS was to literally let her color on the walls.  

ladylisalt

I totally get your emotions. Before I became pregnant with #2(I am 6 mos. now) that's all I thought about. How could I love another child as much? He won't get as much attention.....etc etc and all my friends that were having babies seemed to be fine and I didnt understand why this didnt stress them out. Interestingly when I became pregnant I havent had too many sad moments, I consider myself fortunate. I dont know what actually changed my outlook, but I do know that I am excited for my son to have a playmate, someone to help with,etc. He will be 3 and he definitely is social now. Sometimes I just feel like he needs another kid around, not just mom and dad(although he would play with us forever). I feel like if I really thought about it, it would trigger tears/emotions(exactly how your feeling) but now that he understands he has a sister on the way he is so excited and talks about it and that just makes it all seem okay. I wish you luck, but I cant imagine those feelings lasting for too long, it is very normal though.

dschneider1583

I am pregnant with DS#2 and wonder the same thing at times but my sister told me your heart just expands to love the new baby. I am so excited for my DS#1 to have a sibiling and interact because I loved having siblings growing up. I already love this new baby and it will be an adjustment for DS#1, but some how we will make it work and I am excited to see it goes. I do still get emotional about it because DS#1 won't be my one and only anymore, but I think it will be a good thing.

kamedio

I'm 29 weeks with our second and I have had the same thought SO many times! It is reassuring to know that there are other women who have the same "fear". I know that when our daughter arrives, I'll love her as much as I love our son but I also don't want him to forget how much he is loved by us and that having a new baby won't change that. At the start of this pregnancy, I would get sad thinking it would no longer be DS and I (I'm a SAHM) but my husband was great at reassuring me that a sibling for him would just make his life essentially. Like pp's have said-it'll pass and you'll wonder why you ever thought otherwise!

skibunny59

ashiscute said:

theresat858 said:

I worry sometimes about how DD will adjust, and yes, it will take attention away from her.

countrymice06 experiences were with a newborn or how recent they were, but in my experience, a newborn requires A LOT of attention, particularly if you are planning to breastfeed --- DD was nursing or I was pumping and giving a bottle for about 40 minutes out of every 2 hours during the day for the first 2-3 weeks, and after that she was still nursing for 30-45 minutes every 1.5-2 hours for several more weeks.
Thankfully we will only have the challenge of not having enough energy and attention to go around in the evenings and weekends, as DD will be continuing to attend daycare during the day once the newborn arrives.  But I really don't think for most newborns you can "deal with them" once every 3 hours and call it good... that's a very laid back baby right there. 

I had to comment.  All of this is true.  I have never met anyone who had a baby that they could feed and change and then not have to worry about for 3 hours.  That was not my experience with a toddler and newborn at all.  My experience was being thankful that crayola made washable crayons because sometimes the only way to keep DD happy while I was nursing DS was to literally let her color on the walls.  

This!  I am 13 weeks pregnant and I worry about how I will be able to successfully breastfeed baby #2.  When DD was born, I felt like I was nursing her all day long for the first month.  I'm keeping DD home with me for maternity leave because we can't really afford childcare if I'm not working and because honestly I do want her home.  But I worry about how I will entertain her and give her attention while nursing the baby.

Even if you don't breastfeed, I don't know any newborn that you could just put down for 3 hours and they're good to go.  Most newborns really want and need to be held.

rodiesmum

Im just sad im not as excted this time. Happy but not as excted. And yes i wonder too how it woukd affect my relationship with DD and how it would alter our lives.

Thanks to the ladies who ahared their experiences and advice. Uplifting

dmathis10

I read this poem while pregnant with my second, and it really helped me. It's got a good message.

 

Loving Two

I walk along holding your two-year old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship.  Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me." And I hear myself telling you in mine, "I can't", knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times - only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, and the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you - as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you - only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll  never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you - you each have your own supply.

I love you - both. And I thank you for blessing my life.

-Author Unknown

badbridey

I had the same emotions and my DH thought I was crazy, he would always remind me that giving our daughter a brother and sister (we had twins) was probably the best thing that we could do for her.  As you can imagine, with two babies my toddler got even less attention - but we make a special effort to keep  her routines the same and to always include her in the tasks we do with the babies.  She helps with unfastening diapers, bringing us wipes, etc. and will even come and sit with me while I BF the babies.  It was still pretty hard those first few months and we're still adjusting, but it's awesome to see how much she loves her brother and sister, and how much they already respond to her affection. As for loving them as much, I know it doesn't seem like it now, but that will happen naturally.