Intro :(

krice79

I have been following this board for a couple of months because we knew the fate of our sweet boy.  First, let me say you are all amazing and have been a source of strength to me through my pregnancy.

At my anatomy scan at 19 weeks we got the devastating news that we had a very sick little boy.  Two days later we had amnio and that confirmed our suspicions of Trisomy 13.  Our shy boy had defects with his heart, kidneys, and stomach, fluid on his brain and extra digits.  DH and I decided to continue on with the pregnancy and give our son some peace within me.  At each of my follow up scans things got worse.  The fluid on his brain continued to grow, the growth of his stomach slowed and the left side of his heart failed to grow.

At 29 weeks we made the painful decision to induce labor in the hope of getting to watch him take a breath.  After two weeks on an induction list at the hospital Landon Michael was finally born at 30w 6d on May 16, 2014 at 12:10 am.  He was born sleeping.  I had prayed and prayed that we would get to hold him before he passed but I think God knew what was best.  Every breath would have been an absolute struggle and I did not want him to suffer like that.

My heart is broken, my arms are empty.  I long to feel him kick me one more time, or hold him one more time.  His funeral was one week ago today.  That was such a hard day.  We felt some relief the next day, but every day since then has been harder and harder.

I fluctuate between total pride that my baby fought so long, anger that he even had this diagnosis, and total sadness.  I have no idea how we will get through this.

I love you Landon

jess123456

I am so sorry for the loss of Landon. Please know that you have come to a supportive board filled with those who understand. We lost our daughter to a similar trisomy diagnosis about 1.5 years ago. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her but I promise you that somehow you learn to live with your new normal even if those initial days, months and even year feels like that is the farthest from a possibility. Please know that what you are feeling such as fluctuating between pride, anger and sadness is all normal and a part of grief. I remember feeling all of those feelings at once or separately. I don't believe in the stages of grief because I do believe that everyone grieves differently.

If you haven't sought the help of a therapist I strongly recommend it. My therapist has played a huge part in my journey after loss. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Please know that you aren't alone.

junebugjam

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet boy. I second the recommendation to seek out a therapist. We also received a devastating diagnosis at our anatomy scan. I've found seeing a therapist has been a good help for us.

lexusolsen

I'm so sorry for your loss of Landon.

stefuge

I am so sorry for your loss of your precious Landon. No one wants to be a part of this club and I am so sorry you find yourself here.

Our son Colton was also born sleeping and I often feel envious of those moms who did get to hold their living children, to watch them breath, to see them alive, even just for a few minutes. But then I realize, as you said, that God knows best. For whatever reason, that was not a part of our story.

Wishing you lots of comfort over the next days and weeks. Be gentle with yourself and just take it a day at a time, moment at a time.

ikrystal

I am so sorry for your loss of your little boy.  This board had been a wonderful support.  If anything has helped me along this journey, it is knowing that I am not alone.  Please know that you are never alone if your feelings and we are always here if you ever need to talk. 

VyD81

Edit, ***siggy warning***

I'm sorry for the loss of Landon. 

MCH77

((Hugs)) I'm so sorry for the loss of Landon.

DevonBedford

I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost our son to trisomy 13 in November and it's a tough road. You've found a great group of ladies here and I hope you find some comfort here.

TeamWinForever

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Landon. As everyone has already said, this board is a very supportive place full of ladies who understand what you're going through.

erinel

I'm so sorry for you loss. Welcome.

Noethola

***Ticker***

I am so very very sorry for the loss of your sweet son Landon.

kflynn81

I'm so sorry for your loss, hopefully this board can be a good source of support and strength to you.

dadalou

I'm so sorry. My son was stillborn too. We are here for you if you need us. Eventually it gets easier.

luckyclover0922

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet boy. We lost our son due to a terminal diagnosis at 27w5d. It was the worst day of my life but it does get better. Please use all of us for support there are a lot of wonderful ladies on here. ((Hugs))

bunnybun4

i am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby boy.  ((hugs))

shandorfml2

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Landon... ((((hugs))) were here for you

krice79

Thank you all so much.  I'm sorry we all have this in common, but grateful to have found you.

LyndseyTS

I'm sorry for the loss of your son Landon. We lost our daughter to Turner Syndrome (XO) this past March. This board has been wonderful. I'm glad that you've found encouragement here and hope that you will continue to do so.

gracie5107

I am so sorry for your loss of Landon.  I love his name. 

Jellybean71514

jess123456 said:

I There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her but I promise you that somehow you learn to live with your new normal even if those initial days, months and even year feels like that is the farthest from a possibility. Please know that what you are feeling such as fluctuating between pride, anger and sadness is all normal and a part of grief. I remember feeling all of those feelings at once or separately. I don't believe in the stages of grief because I do believe that everyone grieves differently.

Perfectly said ...... So sorry for your loss xo

schulme2

I am so so sorry for your loss of your sweet Landon. I know it couldn't have been easy having to make decisions like you had to but I'm sure as time goes on you will be so glad you had every single second with him. Sending lots of hugs and strength to you.