violation of CO

mccall0113

We have a clause for my ASD son in our agreement allowing him to return home early from visitation if he so chooses. There's a long history between my ex and my son (he's 12).  My son needed to return home the last 2 visits.  His father refused to bring him home.  My son knows that we had a disagreement via text message regarding his return. DS feels very guilty, he is very sensitive.  EX's choices are starting to effect DS.  In the past I would demand that he bring DS home.  It's exhausting to argue like this.  I try to be the bigger person and not upset my son and go and pick him up.  I'm pregnant and want as little stress as possible.  I guess I'm wondering if its worth a call to my expensive attorney.  Thoughts?

Wahoo

I don't have an answer for you, although I wanted to know that you were heard! 

Is your son in counseling?  I'm not sure how well that works with a special needs child, but perhaps it would give him a way to express his feelings, and perhaps tools to deal with his father.  Also, a counselor's opinion might hold more weight in court than yours would.

I would try my best to let DS know that your arguments with his dad are not his fault, and it's about problems you have with dad and your communication with him more than any of DS's actions.

Document, document, document every problem.  When you say "allowing DS to come home" - is the CO worded so that exH must take him home, or only that DS is ALLOWED to go home, but open to the interpretation that YOU are responsible for picking him up?  If your DS is getting that upset frequently and your exH is disregarding the CO, I would speak to my lawyer.

Have you tried the special needs board?  They might have members who are better able to deal with an issue that is not only blended family, but special needs also.  

joshsmandy

I also want you to feel that your being heard, how high functioning is your son? I have a child with ASD and I know it is hard but at his age it may be good that his dad kept him, my reasoning comes from experience, he can learn to use that as an out and use it to his advantage but that could be setting him up for failure in the future. Your son is 12 and he needs help with coping with uncomfortable situations because not everyone will be conforming to meet his needs. Is his dad helping him through the situations at all? Counseling could help all of you learn how to help him cope through situations that he has high anxiety in. My son is 8 and has used his anxiety as a way out of things he doesn't want to do or has anxiety in, which for him is anything social so I know how hard it can be to push them into things when all you want to do is make them happy and comfortable but it is absolutely important that we teach them the skills to get through those situations because we can't be there forever to protect them.