How do you cope when you have no living children

Jellybean71514

Hi guys - I'm struggling, I'm angry, I'm jealous and I can not seem to be around or talk to anyone with newborns.... I also am struggling talking to anyone that has living children if it seems to be all they talk about. I hate that I feel this way but I'm so bitter - I look at these pics on FB and unfollow, I find no joy or interest in anyone's children these days - it's hard because most people I know have kids and I am just bitterly uninterested. I have 2 beautiful nephews that crave my attention and I find myself limiting it but I love them so much. I feel like a horrible, ugly and bitter person but I'm also so trying to just protect myself from meltdowns. I know there is no answer or quick remedy for this so guess I'm just venting - thanks as always for listening xoxo

jonahsma

I have no advice just big, big hugs. I am so sorry you are feeling this way.

shandorfml2

((big hugs) hun..I understand. I have no living children and have battled bitterness and jealously. I've unfollowed or unfriended friends on facebook because it is to painful. The feelings you have are normal. I'm working on not being angry at someone who is blessed with children. They have their own difficulties, scars, and journey. It's not their fault my baby died. It's a hard issue to battle, one I continue every day.

lexusolsen

I'm so sorry.

kflynn81

I can sympathize as I have the same issues. I have 90% of my FB friends unfollowed because it just makes me so sad to see pictures pop up all the time. I wish I had a solution but I don't      (((HUGS))))

Maybe Joleisa

I could've written that post, as well. ((hugs))

LyndseyTS

I don't have much advice for you. I struggle with this too (though mine is more sadness than anger...I just break down into sobbing fits). On Facebook, I have unfollowed most with little ones or those who are pregnant because I find the connection is too impersonal - it causes me to feel the bad part without recognizing the good part of the person (which is much easier to do in person). One thing that I took from the muchness challenge was to reframe my triggers, so I've been recently praying for the children of little ones (in the womb or out) - that they would be safe and that others would not have to experience the same heartache. If you don't believe in God, you could just send positive vibes their way. It's a small way for me take control back in a situation where I feel out of control and in all honesty, if I look deep in my heart, I don't want them NOT to have their children, I just want my daughter back. Like @shandorfml2‌ said, it's not their fault we lost our children and I try to remember that. Not sure if that will help, but hopefully there's something you can run with. Sending hugs your way, @Jellybean71514‌.

Jellybean71514

Thanks guys I'm hoping in time the feelings will subside right now it's just really really hard xo

bunnybun4

sorry you are feeling so down.  i can totally relate and it can be just so very hard at times, and also can make me feel really alone.  ((hugs))

luckyclover0922

So sorry that you are feeling the way that you are but know that it is a completely normal way to feel and I feel that way myself. I have a co-worker that is due with her son on my what was Christopher's due date and not only do I avoid her at all costs but when people ask her about how she is feeling, if she has everything ready, etc....etc... it makes me a little angry because I am jealous   Try and not be too hard on yourself for feeling how you feel. You know how it feels to lose a child and they should never be upset with you for missing them so much that your feelings come out a little "bitter" sometimes. ((Hugs))

hsabyan

I can relate to feeling like a horrible, bitter person.  I find myself caught between being irritated with people with small children or babies at stores and wanting to cry when I see them.  I was on the same shopping path with a very visibly pregnant woman and her small children at Target yesterday and I couldn't help but feel bitter and jealous.  It made me angry that she had everything that I want. She had a baby in a carseat in her cart AND she was pregnant AND she had another small child walking along with her.  How can it be that she is able to have all those children when I just had to say goodbye to my one and only? 

My sister in law is pregnant right now, due in September.  She had been with a man for a month before she *oops* got pregnant.  I hate that my husband and I tried for almost a year to get pregnant to have it end in heartbreak, and she is having a baby that she hadn't really even planned on having.  I've been given a pass at helping plan her baby shower, but it makes me angry that I can't get myself in the frame of mind to be happy for her. 

It's like there are two sides of my emotions at work.  The one side is angry and bitter and hurt and doesn't want other people to have the joy of children in their life (or at least not in front of me).  The other side is shameful for the way I find myself feeling.  I'm angry at myself for being so bitter and spiteful.  I don't want other people to be unhappy; I just want my daughter back. 

I have no words of wisdom for you, because I am caught in the same thought pattern.  Know that you're not alone.  ((hugs))

jenandbrett

LyndseyTS said:

I don't have much advice for you. I struggle with this too (though mine is more sadness than anger...I just break down into sobbing fits). On Facebook, I have unfollowed most with little ones or those who are pregnant because I find the connection is too impersonal - it causes me to feel the bad part without recognizing the good part of the person (which is much easier to do in person). One thing that I took from the muchness challenge was to reframe my triggers, so I've been recently praying for the children of little ones (in the womb or out) - that they would be safe and that others would not have to experience the same heartache. If you don't believe in God, you could just send positive vibes their way. It's a small way for me take control back in a situation where I feel out of control and in all honesty, if I look deep in my heart, I don't want them NOT to have their children, I just want my daughter back. Like @shandorfml2‌ said, it's not their fault we lost our children and I try to remember that. Not sure if that will help, but hopefully there's something you can run with. Sending hugs your way, @Jellybean71514‌.

This is beautiful @LindseyTS. I think that is the best way to look at the situation. My biggest struggle is with my sister in law. She and I got pregnant around the same time and had all kinds of plans to raise our babies together. Now, she has her beautiful little girl and I hurt so badly every time I am around them. But, you are right, I would never in a million years want something to happen to my niece, I just want Isaac back. I'm going to try and take your advice to pray for her health and future when it hurts the most.

Jellybean71514

Thank you again for listening I finally faced my future SIL with her kids this past weekend at a BBQ, her youngest is 3 months old and was going to be best buddies with Joseph so it was incredibly hard to see her and also was the first time since losing Joseph that I saw her. I teared up a few times and excused myself once to take a break- when i walked in I said hello to the family and mentioned that she was cute and got so big but found myself avoiding her for the rest of the day and not acknowledging she was there - I felt like a fool acting like this and also a horrible human but it was all I could do to protect myself and avoid any meltdowns. I found myself looking at her as if I didn't feel awful enough and thinking how is it possible this woman has 3 healthy kids and I couldn't manage 1? Then the bitterness set in as everyone just passed her around and gushed over her I couldn't help get angry that they were not acknowledging my son that was also beautiful but just not there with us, again feeling so foolish. I think I just resolved to myself that I am not ready to hold or shower any babies with attention right now but I feel I've made progress being in a room with one so I guess that's a good step forward for now xo

lexusolsen

Sometimes it's seems silly, but I think you did make progress. It's so difficult to be around babies we had plans for with our own little ones. I feel that same way about my nephew and goddaughter.