Feelings on...

Sunshinehippymama

Having your other children attend your birth?

My other half and i are kinda having a debate on it, i want my son there, i feel its good to expose children to the natural process of bringing life into the world, but I'm not sure if its a good idea or not as he is going to be 3 and idk how we will all handle him getting rambunctious or if he gets scared or how he will react to the whole situation as i also, generally speaking, have rather long labors. And the other half doesn't think he should be there at all from what he explained, he doesn't think a 3 year old should be exposed to birth. Which i can also understand as it can be rather gruesome and if its something that would traumatize him, i rather avoid it.

Has anyone else had their young ones at the birth of a sibling? How did they react?

runningmama14

Sunshinehippymama said:

Having your other children attend your birth?

My other half and i are kinda having a debate on it, i want my son there, i feel its good to expose children to the natural process of bringing life into the world, but I'm not sure if its a good idea or not as he is going to be 3 and idk how we will all handle him getting rambunctious or if he gets scared or how he will react to the whole situation as i also, generally speaking, have rather long labors. And the other half doesn't think he should be there at all from what he explained, he doesn't think a 3 year old should be exposed to birth. Which i can also understand as it can be rather gruesome and if its something that would traumatize him, i rather avoid it.

Has anyone else had their young ones at the birth of a sibling? How did they react?

I thought you were leaving because you decided this wasn't the place for you? Ya know, with the big meanies who like to argue for no reason???

Sunshinehippymama

KUinCBUS said:

My hospital has a strict "no one under 12" policy, siblings included.

I would think a 3 year old would be difficult to watch and keep entertained during labor, though I suppose it would depend on who else you have attending your birth. If you have someone (besides DH) who could take your son out of the room in case he got scared (or in case of emergency) then I suppose it's possible but personally I wouldn't do it.

That said, my niece attended the births of her three siblings. She was 10 when the first one was born. I think that's the youngest I would go. The experiences were life changing for her (in a good way)!

ETA: My answer maybe incorrectly assumed that you were planning a hospital birth. If it's a home birth, I wouldn't necessarily think that you would need to send your son away.

We are indeed planning on a home birth, granted its not a guaranteed home birth out come. When i was going through my doula training classes there were tons of birthing videos from home births with small children involved, and i do have a fairly good support team, depending on who i will allow there during that time, it has plenty of time to change. so its definitely an option, if i can convince my counter part that it won't scar him for life

Sunshinehippymama

runningmama14 said:

Sunshinehippymama said:

Having your other children attend your birth?

My other half and i are kinda having a debate on it, i want my son there, i feel its good to expose children to the natural process of bringing life into the world, but I'm not sure if its a good idea or not as he is going to be 3 and idk how we will all handle him getting rambunctious or if he gets scared or how he will react to the whole situation as i also, generally speaking, have rather long labors. And the other half doesn't think he should be there at all from what he explained, he doesn't think a 3 year old should be exposed to birth. Which i can also understand as it can be rather gruesome and if its something that would traumatize him, i rather avoid it.

Has anyone else had their young ones at the birth of a sibling? How did they react?

I thought you were leaving because you decided this wasn't the place for you? Ya know, with the big meanies who like to argue for no reason???

Nope, just that conversation. My mistake for not ignoring the negativity and wording my post in a way humans that don't know me can understand. Itsbeen a few years since I've been on a forum for pregnancy, i forgot how everyone gangs up when they don't agree with you and that trying to defend yourself generally just makes it worse and never makes anyone understand you any better lol.

Sunshinehippymama

My apologies

runningmama14

Sunshinehippymama said:

runningmama14 said:

Sunshinehippymama said:

Having your other children attend your birth?

My other half and i are kinda having a debate on it, i want my son there, i feel its good to expose children to the natural process of bringing life into the world, but I'm not sure if its a good idea or not as he is going to be 3 and idk how we will all handle him getting rambunctious or if he gets scared or how he will react to the whole situation as i also, generally speaking, have rather long labors. And the other half doesn't think he should be there at all from what he explained, he doesn't think a 3 year old should be exposed to birth. Which i can also understand as it can be rather gruesome and if its something that would traumatize him, i rather avoid it.

Has anyone else had their young ones at the birth of a sibling? How did they react?

I thought you were leaving because you decided this wasn't the place for you? Ya know, with the big meanies who like to argue for no reason???

Nope, just that conversation. My mistake for not ignoring the negativity and wording my post in a way humans that don't know me can understand. Itsbeen a few years since I've been on a forum for pregnancy, i forgot how everyone gangs up when they don't agree with you and that trying to defend yourself generally just makes it worse and never makes anyone understand you any better lol.

So are you going to go back and dirty delete the post where you said you were leaving too?

sweetbabyrahe

Personally, my 3 year old would probably be very upset by the birthing process. He is a very inquisitive but sensitive child. The blood and noises etc alone would probably be very scary for him. Guess it may depend in the kid, but a no for my son

phdprocrastinator

I can't imagine DD handling my labor well.  I'm doing a hospital birth, but even at home I think I'd make arrangements for someone to pick her up at some point before active labor.  I don't think she'd handle me being in pain well, and I think she would need a lot of hands-on interaction.  I don't want a lot of people around, so I wouldn't want to invite an extra person to babysit.  

Also, labor is pretty long.  I think she'd get bored. She'd also need to either be put down for a nap or for night night at some point during the process, and I don't want to need to be on top of her schedule in addition to laboring.  

mrsrich3

I was present at both of my younger siblings births. I was turning 4 in a couple of days for the first one, and I was 7 for the second. I remember more about the 2nd birth, but I remember a fair bit about the 1st also. I think it depends on the specific child, more so than an actual age does. I was a big momma's girl, so I probably would have been more upset if I wasn't allowed to be with her. I recall, and my family likes to remind me that I was yelling at my mom saying, "Mom Stop! You're bleeding on your socks!" Lol. So clearly I had no idea what was going on when I was almost 4 years old. This is my first baby, but if I feel this child is able to handle witnessing a birth without being scarred by it, I'd love to involve them in my 2nd birth. 

Sunshinehippymama

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KUinCBUS said:

For a home birth, I wouldn't think twice about having him in the house, as long as your son can roam freely and isn't forced to watch

Also, I would be sure someone was around specifically to support him if he became uncomfortable or if it seemed appropriate for him to leave.

Finally, I didn't realize when I first responded that you had posted one of the "anyone else" threads. If you had been lurking here you would know that unmedicated and home births are goals for many on this board and simply not options (or not of interest) to others. You may feel as though your way is the correct way but it is truly not the only way, even for those who have fully educated themselves about the many child birthing options.

ETA: All that said, my panties aren't in a twist about it. Best of luck to you!

Oh but of course! My son was born in a hospital and all of my birth attendances as a doula so far have been hospital births with pain meds somewhere in the mix, do believe me when i say, I'm completely unbiased to others birthing ways, home births and midwives are entirely a personal preference. But when asked not a single mom I've helped deliver has known that there was a midwife in our area or that there were any other options it broke my heart because quite a few of them said if they would have known at the beginning of their pregnancy, they would have done it differently.

Sunshinehippymama

Ahh yes I'm not sure how well my little I've would handle it either, he is an extreme mama's little man but i don't know how gee would handle seeing me in pain. But i can of course always try and if he isn't fond of it, i can always have my dad come pick him up. He of course would never be forced to watch anything :S

FirstBabyDoyle

@runningmama14‌
:x
Props.

KTgator

We are planning a home birth as well *hopefully*. Still waiting for the ob sign off though- any day now. We plan to have our daughter here for as long as we think she would like/ as long as I am comfortable having her here (she will be 3 years and 4 months at my due date). My in laws live across the street, so if we need to take her there we will

morrkim

My parents sent us to a babysitter when my mom went into labor each time.  I wouldn't mind dd there for a little while, but not the whole time, but I am not sure what will happen.  We will be moving and I do not know if we will have anybody in the area that we would trust to watch her.   My in laws will be an hour to 2 hours away so they might be able to watch her.

ssstephanie214

runningmama14 said:

I thought you were leaving because you decided this wasn't the place for you? Ya know, with the big meanies who like to argue for no reason???

This is such bullshit. Why push someone out of the whole board for one bad thread instead of encouraging her to try again. OP here is pretty benign, and your reply a) derails the thread and b) makes things unnecessarily personal.

To reply to this post, I wouldn't want an energetic toddler around me while laboring unless someone, besides my husband, was there as some kind of backup supervision.

runningmama14

ssstephanie214 said:

runningmama14 said:

I thought you were leaving because you decided this wasn't the place for you? Ya know, with the big meanies who like to argue for no reason???

This is such bullshit. Why push someone out of the whole board for one bad thread instead of encouraging her to try again. OP here is pretty benign, and your reply a) derails the thread and b) makes things unnecessarily personal.

To reply to this post, I wouldn't want an energetic toddler around me while laboring unless someone, besides my husband, was there as some kind of backup supervision.

I don't think it's bullshit to call someone out who GBCB about 15 minutes before they posted again, especially when her first post was inflammatory and subsequently DDed. She still got plenty of replies despite my "derailment". I also fail to see how I got personal with my post. Yes, I called her out for what she posted on this board, but I didn't personalize my response in any way, shape or form.

tinkerbell1658

Im going (well planning on) into the alternative birthing center in my hospital. The hospital says I need to have a person for just him. Hes 4, very inquisitive, likes to know all the baby stuff so I think he'll be fine. I think it depends on the kid and make sure theres an out if they need it.

tinkerbell1658

I also think theres plenty of prep time. Have your lo watch birthing videos with you and explain the process. Also maybe check if your hospital has a sibling class. Mine has one specifically for siblings in the center. Doesnt mean you have to have the baby in the hospital if you take the class.

Kristy774

I have 2 boys, 10 and 4, there's no way I would have them in the delivery room. To each their own, but I wouldn't do it.

lauren_m

Sorry, I think that's nuts. To each his own, sure, but I think that you should let little kids be little kids. They don't conceptualize things the way adults to, and I think it would be overwhelming and possibly very frightening. I'm definitely a pro-western medicine type (and thank god for that because both my son and I needed serious medical attention when he was born), so take it from where it comes, but I personally find it kind of crazy.

mander82

I wouldn't have any children in the room with me. I don't think children should be subjected to that. I had to watch the miracle of birth in high school and that damn near traumatized me.

jlove253

I think it really depends on the kid and the mom. DD would not find any joy in the experience presently. I think she'd be really interested for short periods of time, but ultimately just get freaked out or bored. Also, I won't being paying attention to her through the contractions and I think she'll be upset/annoyed by that. Finally, I think she'd really stress out DH, which would really stress me out too. I have to check but I hope it'll be ok for her to come in and say hi after the epidural (I plan to labor unmediated as long as possible, but I've experienced pushing unmediated and don't want to do that again). I just don't think at this point it'd be the right fit for us.

SarahHeck

jlove253 said:

I think it really depends on the kid and the mom. DD would not find any joy in the experience presently. I think she'd be really interested for short periods of time, but ultimately just get freaked out or bored. Also, I won't being paying attention to her through the contractions and I think she'll be upset/annoyed by that. Finally, I think she'd really stress out DH, which would really stress me out too. I have to check but I hope it'll be ok for her to come in and say hi after the epidural (I plan to labor unmediated as long as possible, but I've experienced pushing unmediated and don't want to do that again). I just don't think at this point it'd be the right fit for us.

This exactly! I think my kid would be bored out of her mind and I want my husband to have his attention on me! I'm even debating on whether to bring DD to anatomy scan.

Sunshinehippymama

My son is very good with blood, and medical stuff, he tends to take care of me when he knows I'm hurting, gives me tons of kisses and rubs my back brings me random things he thinks will comfort me because the do him i think he would be very good and helpful, altho concerned about me. And he have a huge interest in babies and pregnancy and such. But I'm still up in the air about it, I'm afraid of him freaking out that I'm in pain (he would not be in the room for my second stage) but I'm.also wondering if it will be easier for him to cope with the pregnancy ending and the new sibling if he is there for it. Of course and respectfully to each their own! Idk what my own is yet xD

mrsodonnell12

Our kids will be home for the birth. They are 6 and 1. When our second was born, Ds was 5 and we had him watch some birth videos so he kind of knew what to expect. He ended up sleeping through the whole thing haha! I would make sure you have someone that can come over to help with your son though, someone designated to just him. That way if it's a long labor, your husband isn't trying to support you and fees and care for your3 year old.

Nfranco973

kyliedaniellexx said:

I might be totally alone in this, but I think it's totally messed up in 99% of cases to have your kids there. 

As I see it, one of two things will most likely happen. One, LO is too young to really understand what is going on, and/or won't remember any of it. Two, LO will think mommy is hurt and/or possibly have traumatic memories of the situation.

I suppose if you really feel it's what you want, I think it would be a good idea to try to explain what is going to happen so it's not such a shock to them.

Childbirth is a beautiful thing, absolutely. But children may be too young to recognize that beauty. 

You are not alone on this opinion. I do not think it's a good idea. Births can sometimes go different ways. They are unpredictable. To expose your children to this at such a young age, they are not going to understand what us happening and they probably are going to be scared. I am a grown woman and birth scares me. Just imagine & I've been through it Twice before! My area hospitals do not allow children in L & D and they have to be of a certain age to visit the mom and baby when babies here .