Gifts from Grandparents - How do you handle?

GreenMonkey1

My MIL regularly brings gifts for DS for no reason at all.  They are usually in the $30-$50 range so not small toys.  Example, yesterday she brings over this CAT 18" Rev Dump Truck.  The toys are commonly not age appropriate (the truck is 3+, DS will be 2 in July) and she never runs these by DH or I.  Just shows up with a toy, commonly already out of the packaging (but brings the packaging), and gives the toy to DS.  Then asks, "I hope it's ok".

I don't want to squash her fun or be extremely controlling, but I wish she would run this past DH and I before just giving stuff to DS.  We're trying to keep him from getting too big a case of the gimmies.  But MIL always gives the toy to DS before we even have a chance to say no (like she is holding the toy when she comes in the door).  So taking the item from DS would cause a huge problem.  Yesterday DH got into it with his Mom because he felt the toy was too large for DS and told his Mom to take it back to her house and DS can play with it when he gets bigger or return the toy.

How do you handle grandparent gift giving?  I think DH needs to have a chat with his Mom about the amount of stuff/asking us first/etc.  DH agrees.  The problem is we have so many battles with MIL that it gets tiring and we are really trying to pick our battles.  Any thoughts would be appreciated.

cwm11985

I agree with hiding it.  And for every toy she brings you, just get rid of an old one.

hokiemama06

Can you start suggesting the toys stay at her house so your LO has something new to play with there?  And then they would get to see how much he enjoys the new toy?  Or, can you thank them, then put the toy away after bedtime for when a time you think is better?

FWIW, we have a bunch of toys that were handed down and are "3+" that DS loooooooooooooves and wants to play with all the time.  Same at the ILs house.  He handles all of those toys just fine, especially the gigantic metal tonka dump truck.  I imagine your DS would be just fine too.

Barefoot84

We're also trying to limit the toys we get, especially since we'll soon be two adults and two kids in a small two bedroom appartment. I've talked with my ILs about how we were trying to teach Tumaini to be creative with the few toys she has, and how she prefers to spend most of her time playing with her dolls or going to the park. We tell them that if they want to spoil her, that we're always open to gift memberships for activities, but that generally, what really makes her happy, is to spend some time with them. If they insist on wanting to buy stuff, we say we prefer books and puzzles.

GreenMonkey1

Thanks for all the thoughts!  We've definitely tried suggesting the toys stay at her house so DS has special items to play with when over there.  It works some times, not always.  We have similar space issue as @Barefoot84 so we legitimately cannot store all of these toys.  If we accepted everything MIL wanted to give us (most of the stuff are duplicates of items we already have) our house would look like something off the hoarders show.  It's a fine balance.

Turns out DH was particularly annoyed with his Mom because he had asked her not to do something and she went ahead and did it anyways then blamed us when explaining why she "had to do it".  I was already at work so I missed all the morning chaos.  So the truck probably just pushed him over the edge.

apollonia10

@GreenMonkey1 - I am so there with you, except it's my mom. The more I tell her to run gifts by me first (just big gifts, I don't care if she brings him a book or a $5 toy once in a while), the more she just buys them anyway. She has already bought ten presents for DS's birthday...in a month. All of them are big. And from what I know of them, we can only use a few due to space and HOA restrictions.

The problem is that DS is becoming increasingly aware of gifts and can't stand it when things are taken away. Right now I can sneak things away to donate while DS is napping and he usually doesn't remember it was there in the first place, but I know he'll soon wake up and remember a present right away. It's unfair for grandparents to experience the joy of giving a gift, and leave the heartbreak of taking away that gift for the parents.

It's not just a "grandparents love to spoil their grandkids" situation, it's a boundaries situation. A grandparent is allowed to buy nice things for their grandkids but they must listen to the parents' wishes. I wish I had better advice for you but I'm in the same boat

julymommy12

My MIL has never come over with a toy for him. So would totally love it if she would be more giving. Last 2 times he got anything from her was xmas and his bday. Pitiful in my opinion.