Has anyone been team green, then found out , then regretted it?

mrsH1112

Since we first found out I was expecting, I have stayed team green.  I always wanted the surprise of not knowing what the baby would be till he/she was born.
My husband however has always really wanted to know.  I totally get his reasons for wanting to know.  He thinks we will fall even more in love with the baby if we know what it will be, and we can decide on a name.  He also thinks personally for him it will help him plan (not sure I get that as we are having a neutral nursery)

The last couple of weeks, I find myself being super curious as to if LO is a boy or a girl. 

I have a fetal echo-cardiogram scheduled on Friday.  Its pretty much routine, as our A/S didnt show any issues, but because im 34 and have gestational diabetes, my OB does it as a precautionary thing.  At this appointment, I would more than likely be able to ask them to check to see the baby's sex when they are doing measurements.

Part of me wants to have them write it on a paper and put it in an envelope, and then give it to DH on fathers day.  I know if I do this, Ill have to also find out, as there is no way he could keep it to himself for another 19 weeks haha.

At this point I feel like there is no living with me.  I want to know really bad, but I want to be surprised really bad.   Has anyone else, decided to find out, and then regretted that they didnt wait till the baby was born?

mrsH1112

Thanks ladies.  Yeah my whole family really wants us to wait, his family wants us to know.  My co workers want to know.

Im so torn!  I was relieved when I had my A/S and LO didnt cooperate and didnt open its legs, I thought I dodged a bullet haha.  Yet here I am still wanting to know and not know at the same point.

nienot

@mrsH1112I haven't been through it before, so I don't have any STM advice for you, but I can offer you what I have experienced so far and how I have dealt with wanting it both ways (surprise, and knowing).

I originally wanted to know...no doubt in my mind that I wanted to know.  SO did not want to know at all.  The plan was for him to leave the room at the end of our AS ultrasound, and the tech could just tell me.  I told the tech my plan at the beginning, and she, along with my SO, somehow ended up convincing me to not find out.  I still really wanted to know, but felt teamed up on.  So, she wrote it on a piece of paper and gave it to DH for him to keep.  He hasn't let me open it, and after one tearful night of wanting to know so badly, I have finally accepted that we will find out when the baby is born and I made peace with that.

HOWEVER...lately, every time I jokingly bring up the fact that I wish I could buy such and such but can't since we don't know what the baby is, or if we just opened the envelope, we wouldn't have to have two names ready (this has been a struggle) he tells me that I am more than welcome to open it.  I know, however, that is means a lot to him to not know.  So, I just haven't done it, and it's mostly because of reasons you listed.

We've waited to so long (okay, it's only been 22 weeks, but feels like forever) without knowing, that what's another 18 weeks of not knowing in the grand scheme of things?  I also worry that I'm going to make a rash decision to open the envelope and then really regret not having that moment at birth that he wants to have of finding out.  I completely understand where you're coming from, and for me..I know I can't take back finding out early, but I can suck it up and have some willpower to wait until he or she is here  Either way, you will be fine and I am betting you won't be disappointed no matter what you choose to do!

teenybean

We've done one of each with our first 2 because hubby decided he wanted to know last time. He's back to team green whole heartedly. We lived the birthday surprise versus the 20 week surprise. I've never wanted to know early. I love the fantasizing over it during pregnancy.

AR1of2

DH wanted to know and, even though I initially wanted to wait, I ultimately wanted him to have whatever he needed to bond with the baby. I don't regret knowing at all. It is SO fun to daydream about our little girl.

I love your Father's Day reveal idea. What a precious moment for you to share, absent the craziness of birth!

A&DPritchett2be

I am a FTM, but your situation sounds similar to the family I babysat for. This was with their second child, husband wanted to know but wife didn't. He actually found out at a dr appt, they told him but not the wife that baby was a girl. A couple of months later the wife was getting the nursery ready and the room had purple carpet and she freaked out because she had a sudden feeling that the baby was a boy. Her husband overheard her on the phone calling to get the carpet removed and replaced. He tried telling her that the carpet color doesn't matter and they can change it after baby arrives. This drove her nuts so she ultimately had him tell her that baby was a girl!

I wouldn't be able to have my DH know and it be a surprise for me. Luckily we both wanted to find out and our little girl cooperated at our A/S.

Either way you will be excited either if you wait or find out now!

mrsH1112

@teenybean

This is exactly what I was wondering.  Thanks... This is exactly what I told DH that I think the surprise for us will be more finding out on the day LO is born vs, us just hangging out at home or during a scan and finding out.

Still not sure which way Ill go but its interesting to read how you feel about it after having it both ways.

mrsH1112

AR1of2 said:

DH wanted to know and, even though I initially wanted to wait, I ultimately wanted him to have whatever he needed to bond with the baby. I don't regret knowing at all. It is SO fun to daydream about our little girl. I love your Father's Day reveal idea. What a precious moment for you to share, absent the craziness of birth!

The bonding thing is one of the main reasons Im considering finding out for him.  Hes excited about the baby and looking forward to him/her, BUT I think him knowing what the baby will be will help him totally bond with the baby before it comes.  I get to feel him/her kick and feel so totally emotionally invested, I want him to have that exact feeling.

Plus for us we are struggling with girls names, if we find out LO is a boy, we could stop obsessing over it.

Theres pros and cons for sure.

mrsH1112

SweetTurnip said:

Also aside from the wonderful moment of finding out the sex at the birth, the birth itself is beyond imagination wonderful, amazing, and mind blowing. It really is no matter what. Even if you know it's a girl, it's still the strangest awe inspiring thing that will probably ever happen to you. Just because you know she has a vagina doesn't mean nothing else is a surprise. Every bit of them is a surprise. I'm just as excited to meet my little boy as someone who doesn't know.

GREAT point.  Thats what others have told me, that just because you know the sex of the baby doesnt mean you wont be totally surprised and awe inspired the day the baby comes.

Djcieply

We were team green with DS and are team green with this LO. It was way easier to stay team green the first time around than this time, I wanted to know this time to have the experience of knowing and then do which one I liked better for our 3rd. DH is set on not wanting to know and there is no way I could keep a secret like that. I know I would regret finding out especially knowing DH does not want to know.

Honestly though it is pretty awesome to find out at birth. Not saying its not awesome to find out before hand but there is just so much more time to wonder, boy or girl? 

Bonnesetter27

We didn't find out with DS, however I went in for an emergency appt (nothing bad just not my regular doc) and the doctor said  "let's see how he is doing." It could have been just what he calls all babies but I was so mad. I didn't tell DH so it was still a surprise to him. I really loved having him tell me at the birth and it did help me get really excited at the end. I do understand the not bonding thing though. Even I have a problem feeling really connected/ visualizing my baby. There really are few good surprises left in life though.

mrsH1112

Djcieply said:

We were team green with DS and are team green with this LO. It was way easier to stay team green the first time around than this time, I wanted to know this time to have the experience of knowing and then do which one I liked better for our 3rd. DH is set on not wanting to know and there is no way I could keep a secret like that. I know I would regret finding out especially knowing DH does not want to know.

Honestly though it is pretty awesome to find out at birth. Not saying its not awesome to find out before hand but there is just so much more time to wonder, boy or girl? 

I think I wouldnt be as worried about it, if I didnt already know this is our first and only baby.  Im nervous of regretting the decision either way :-)

Irisheyes1247

We were team green for dd1&2 and this time the tech made two envelopes and let dh pick one. One said "it's a surprise" and one said "it's a ---" Now
Dh knows. It drove me completely insane and I know too now. I really wish I didn't know. I loved not knowing with my girls, I loved that moment at the end and having dh say "it's a girl" and that all seems different now that we already know. Our families really wanted to know too, but at this point they've just accepted that we don't find out so as far as they know, we do not know the sex. And we never talk about it. So I don't know why he needed to know in the first place.

Djcieply

mrsH1112 said:

Djcieply said:

We were team green with DS and are team green with this LO. It was way easier to stay team green the first time around than this time, I wanted to know this time to have the experience of knowing and then do which one I liked better for our 3rd. DH is set on not wanting to know and there is no way I could keep a secret like that. I know I would regret finding out especially knowing DH does not want to know.

Honestly though it is pretty awesome to find out at birth. Not saying its not awesome to find out before hand but there is just so much more time to wonder, boy or girl? 

I think I wouldnt be as worried about it, if I didnt already know this is our first and only baby.  Im nervous of regretting the decision either way :-)

If this is going to be your only baby then my vote is to wait. 

Bella2425

Yes, with DS. I was totally team green but DH wanted to know so bad. I totally caved at the AS. I was kind of really disappointed with myself (not because of the result, but because I wanted that surprise!). However, it was nice being able to focus on boy names and pick out some boy things. The day of his birth is still my most favorite day ever and I don't think knowing he was a boy beforehand made it any less special.

That being said, we are team green this time. I really want to experience the whole "it's a...!" I told DH it was my turn to decide and he finally got on board.

There's no right or wrong answer, but you've come so far already, what's another few weeks!?

jmolr

yes but not on purpose.  My doctor accidentally spilled the beans when I was 38 weeks pregnant.  I cried.  If you can wait I think it's such a great moment in the delivery room finding out boy or girl and it's really exciting for your families to guess and find out.  In my head it's a great moment, I never actually got to find out what that was like!  

bethybeach

DH didn't want to know with my DS#1, I did.  I convinced him to do the reveal and we never regreted it.  DH had two already knew with the first and didn't with the 2nd.  He really liked not knowing but he thinks it is because 'EVERYONE' thought girl and it was a boy.

Delivery was so overwhelming for me I don't think it would have made a difference to know then rather than before.

This time we had the harmony test and had the dr. put it in an envelope and we opened it as a family.  This is better for us because I don't want everyone in the room at delivery. 

You will be excited whatever you decide, and I agree with PPs it is an amazing moment whether you know or not.

formerwigirl

Thank you for posting this. My DH is dead set on team green and I've been on the fence about it. I am choosing my battles with him, but there are some days I really want to know. I know it would be special no matter what but for now I am trying to go with the good things about being team green. Mainly my mom won't send me down tons of hand me down clothing that I am sure I wouldn't use 1/4 of.

babyd143

We were team green for our first and loved it! We caved and found out this pregnancy and it was just as special, just in a different way. xo

SingleMom31

Just another prospective... We found out with DD. My labor with her was long and hard, and ended with a vacuum delivery because she was stuck on my pubic bone. When she arrived, she was whisked off to make sure she was okay and all I cared about was that she wasn't crying yet. It was pretty far from that magical moment that I was picturing. I vaguely remember like 5 minutes later asking whether she was really a girl, how big she was, etc. and them telling me while stitching me up.

Edit: My point is just that you might not have that magical moment anyway. I'd hate for you to be picturing it a certain way with that It's a... moment and be disappointed.

brittneyandadam

I was hoping to find out with DH, but when the genetic counselor called me with our results and asked if I wanted to know, I blurted out "YES!" without even thinking. At that point, I was just so relieved that my baby was ok and I was sobbing and I just wanted any and all anticipation to be done. I called DH right after to tell him...I kind of wish I had waited until at least the A/S, but I love bonding with her and talking to her and calling her by name.

Also, it's hard for me to really process what's happening. I know I'm pregnant, I know I'll have a baby in September...but I'm having a hard time connecting. I think being able to start bonding with her is helping a little and I'm not sure if I'd be able to do that if I wasn't able to call her by name.

drae86

We were team green by my choice, and DH really wanted to know. I think because he wanted to know so bad it turned into i want someone to know. His Dad has cancer and is going thru chemo right now, so he wanted to get the sex on paper (sealed) and then give it to his dad (knowing his dad could keep it a secret). So the lady at the appointment printed it out and then stapled it together with one staple. Had this not happened we would have remained team green. But we got home that evening DH went to the gym and my curiosity got the better of me. I went searching thru his closet found it and that one staple didn't do anything to prevent me from knowing! So we're having a boy and now I'm super excited. DH was kind of upset that I didn't wait to find out with him so I then planned a scavenger hunt with our niece and nephew and at the end he found out. It was a lot of fun and no regrets! Maybe surprise can happen next time!  

AnyMax

I don't have experience with the scenario you are asking about, but I just want to say, no matter when and where you find out, it will be special. There is no wrong decision, and your Father's Day reveal sounds so sweet.

Also, depending on your self control, you could have them write it down no mater what you decide for now, and that way you definitely have the option if you do decide you want to know later.

For us personally, knowing has helped us bond with her at a different level than before we knew. It was a very calm moment that H and I were able to share at the a/s.

BrightMoon1

Hi, we started out this pregnancy being team green. Mostly because of me. This is #3 for us and definitely our last. We found out what we were having with our 2 girls, and I just wanted the experience of waiting and building up the excitement over 9 months and finding out in the delivery room. But DH was not very thrilled about this idea. However he went along with it for me, and dutifully said "whatever you want honey us fine with me". We took the Harmony genetic test very early on and could've found out with that, but didn't. However, at our 20 wk A/S a few weeks ago I could see how much DH really wanted to find out. And truth be told, I kind of felt bad for him, esp that I was making him wait til sept for me. And quite frankly by that point, I was dying to find out too! So I caved! And we had the tech write it down and seal it in an envelope. I took it too a bakery and had 4 cupcakes made for each of us. We went out to a nice dinner with our girls that night at our favorite place. And then came home to eat our cupcakes!! It was actually so much fun and super exciting to find out that way as well!! And I have zero regrets! That's just my personal experience with this topic.Good luck to you whatever you decide!

rlyttle

I took DH's birthday card into the U/S and I also had blue & pink balloons. I had the tech poke a hole in the opposite balloon. So when DH got home that night he opened the card. I blew up the blue balloon and he blew up the pink balloon. We did it together & the blue balloon popped in my face. We both found out then that it was a girl. It was such a special moment between the two of us in our own home that we will both remember forever. I don't regret a second of it. 

lovesazzie

We found out with 1 and 2, but wanted to be team green this time. We were both totally committed at first, but then I caved and found out at 16 weeks. I tried to keep it to myself and respect DH's wishes to be surprised, but ended up telling him. Neither of us regret finding out.

The day I found out, a friend of mine who was team green had her baby - she had been driving herself crazy for months and told me that day that she would never be team green again. That influenced my decision for sure and I have no regrets about finding out.

I think team green is totally the right decision for some people, but I was starting to drive myself crazy with "is it a boy or a girl" thoughts and I'm really at peace now that I know.

Blemaro

I was team green with DS and am currently with this baby too. I had a few days of doubt before our anatomy scan when I decided I wanted to know so we had the ultrasound tech write it down for us.  DH hid it somewhere in our house.  As time has passed I've calmed down a little and am mostly fine with not knowing again I just get little waves of "I could know if I want to" but they pass very quickly! I really enjoyed finding out when DS was born but I was also really sure he was a boy and would have been totally shocked if he was a girl! I'm not sure if that would have impacted our bonding after his birth.  I still haven't ruled out finding out before the birth...but I"m pretty sure we'll wait again.

I think if you are really set on one sex it might be good to find out so you aren't "disappointed" if baby's the other sex at the birth.  It would give you more time to process it