37 weeks pregnant and my husband and three year old are flying to ND from CO for 5 days :(

looliepoolie

So here I am the day that my husband and daughter are flying to ND for his nephew's high school graduation and I'm a sick over it. I didn't want him to go in the first place because I knew it was only a few weeks away from my due date, but him and his mother argued that she flew all the way to Germany and back in the 37-40 week of her pregnancy and it wasn't an issue. I consented but hesitantly, mostly because I was made to feel like I was simply being paranoid. Then his mom insisted that our three year old fly with him so she could visit her little cousin around the same age. My heart sank, I not only will be without his support if I go into labor but also have to deal with worrying about my little girl whom I haven't ever been away from that long, let alone half way across the country! At the last minute I called the airlines to figure out the possibilities of canceling and they said that there would be a $75 cancellation fee per ticket unless I get a doctors note stating that for medical reasons they want to cancel. The airlines acted like they thought it was a legitimate reason, but when I called my doc's office they acted like I was crazy for requesting a note for them. What if I do go into labor? The father won't be there and I'll be worried the whole time whether my little girl is alright or not. Does anyone else feel my pain? I feel so alone!

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PrimRoseMama

You need to chill out. You are acting irrational.

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looliepoolie

I had my daughter at 38 weeks and by the time they will be returning I will exactly 38 weeks, plus I have been told that the second child often comes sooner, so I don't really feel like I'm over reacting, but rather everyone else is under reacting. I think you are insensitive. By a lot! 

Pepper6

looliepoolie said:

I had my daughter at 38 weeks and by the time they will be returning I will exactly 38 weeks, plus I have been told that the second child often comes sooner, so I don't really feel like I'm over reacting, but rather everyone else is under reacting. I think you are insensitive. By a lot! 

So because people don't agree with you, they are insensitive??  

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Mally2011

Sounds like you are feeling a lot of stress and anxiety over a situation that you have no control over. You mentioned that they are flying out today, so the deed is done. Instead of losing sleep over it, take these last few days of peace and quiet to make sure that you have everything ready for baby and to physically take care of yourself. Maybe enjoy a dinner with friends or an evening movie on your own. There is no point in stressing yourself out any more than necessary over something that is entirely out of your control.

If you do end up in labor, make sure that you have a second support person lined up. Make sure that you have your husband's schedule, as well, so that you can track him down if you need him home ASAP. 

It's hard to do, but instead of worrying over the "what ifs", try focusing on the productive, good things that can happen in the next 5 days.

looliepoolie

I was looking for a little support. I do think it is insensitive to approach an issue that someone is obviously upset about, in a manner that makes them feel completely ganged up on. I thought more mamas would have my back. Or at least preface their insults with something, like "I understand why you feel that way, but.. " Restore my faith in human compassion a little!

Pepper6

looliepoolie said:

I was looking for a little support. I do think it is insensitive to approach an issue that someone is obviously upset about, in a manner that makes them feel completely ganged up on. I though more mamas would have my back. Or at least preface their insults with something, like "I understand why you feel that way, but.. " Restore my faith in human compassion a little!

Welcome to the internet.  I see nothing that was 'ganging up' on you, just no one agreed with you.  There's a difference. 

looliepoolie

Thank you! That was the kind of pep I needed, Mally!

looliepoolie

You wouldn't be offended if everyone was telling you you are irrational? Good for you for having such a strong back bone! I certainly can stand up for myself but I'm not afraid of telling the world exactly how I feel. I have nothing to prove. Once again I was just looking for some support, which I obviously don't have here. I hope the person you comment on next can actually get something out of your simple minded comments! 

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looliepoolie

The simple minded comment was aimed at Pepper, btw heygurlhay! But if the shoe fits. Very intelligible name btw. Look back at your sarcastic comment about me being rational again one more time and tell that that wasn't rude! 

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looliepoolie

I like the way you think! I just hate being without my best friend and my sweet little girl. Just feeling a little sad. But you have a great outlook on it!

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looliepoolie

I could continue to go back and forth with you haygurl, but it's pointless. You are obviously not one to own up to being a jerk or at least showing some humility about your insensitive comments. Neither one of us is 'being the bigger person', here. But at least I can admit it. I have a tendency to get a little defensive when I'm being attacked, how irrational of me! Who are you to say that it is irrational that I'm worried about going into labor at full term? Who are you to say that I'm overreacting because I'm sad that I will be without my little girl for five days? How do you rationalize that? The only way I can see is you are insensitive. If anyone is proving anyone's point here it is you proving mine!

kd&cd

I normally don't respond to posts of this nature because I don't want to offend anyone, but honestly if you didn't want them to go then you should have put your foot down. There is no way I would be ok w DH leaving for any reason being 4.5 weeks away never mind 2. I understand that you are overwhelmed by this, but it could have been completely avoided. Also, do you not trust your DH to take great care of your DD while they are gone???

greeneyed_bride

Ok, so I probably would be uncomfortable with my husband being gone that close to my due date, especially if I'd gone into labor at 38 weeks last time. Having said that, I'm really not entirely sure what you wanted people to say to you here. You "consented" to your husband leaving when you weren't comfortable with it because your MIL said you should, and then you (apparently) agreed that your child would go with him, even though you also didn't like that idea, because your MIL insisted. And now you want us to answer the question "What if I do go into labor?" That's a conversation you should've had with your husband before any tickets were purchased, and it's a conversation that your MIL should've been left out of. If your husband is leaving/already did leave today, it's a little late (and pointless) for any of us to offer advice. So other than saying, "There there. Um. Good luck," I genuinely don't know what you wanted people to say.

I sincerely hope that everything works out smoothly and easily for you. And at some point, you really need to figure out how to tell your husband what you really think without caving into making decisions you don't want to make and then being upset about them later.

tammyh2o

I think it was good you let ur drs know that you may need to get a letter so if you do go into labor that can happen. I agree that you should get a support person lined up so you don't have to get to the hospital and contact ur hubby etc on ur own. Be sure to take this time for yourself and enjoy a treat or two or three! They can make it back if you do go into labor but be sure you monitor contractions, stay hydrated and keep time on ur feet to a minimum to reduce preterm labor! I know for me it's hard to be without my hubby even for a long work day(I'm on bed rest right now with triplets and it's not fun!) so don't listen to those haggling you about them going - I understand! I think we all have pregnancy hormones going strong, try to ignore comments that don't help you! Plus the mil trying to compare and of her pregnancies and yours should not be happening for instance the last one my mil had was 30 years ago....we know much more than we did then. You can do this! Good luck and let us know how it goes!!

ghostof5letters

1. Your husband, doctor, and MIL think you're being overly dramatic, along with every single person who read this thread. Relax. 

2. ND to CO is NOT flying across the country, it's a 2 hour flight. 

3. Relax, you're overreacting and not thinking logically. 

You seem more like a sour puss that your DD gets to do some fun things this weekend that don't include you. Enjoy some time alone. 

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Pepper6

looliepoolie said:

You wouldn't be offended if everyone was telling you you are irrational? Good for you for having such a strong back bone! I certainly can stand up for myself but I'm not afraid of telling the world exactly how I feel. I have nothing to prove. Once again I was just looking for some support, which I obviously don't have here. I hope the person you comment on next can actually get something out of your simple minded comments! 

looliepoolie said:

The simple minded comment was aimed at Pepper, btw heygurlhay! But if the shoe fits. Very intelligible name btw. Look back at your sarcastic comment about me being rational again one more time and tell that that wasn't rude! 

LOL...I didn't even comment on your situation at all...just about how you are overreacting to the comments you did receive.  But kudos on the insult?

And to answer your first question, if I was acting irrational, I'd want someone to tell me.  It happens sometimes, you overreact to a situation and don't realize it until someone points it out from a different point of view.  If every.single.person. told me I was overreacting, then I'd assume I was overreacting...not being 'ganged up on'.  But apparently your idea of "support" just means having people blow sunshine up your ass...

WashingtonQueen

@looliepoolie‌ , you are being completely ridiculous.

sandrabrooke

ND...to co....thats practically a drive.

allrightmeow

looliepoolie said:

I could continue to go back and forth with you haygurl, but it's pointless. You are obviously not one to own up to being a jerk or at least showing some humility about your insensitive comments. Neither one of us is 'being the bigger person', here. But at least I can admit it. I have a tendency to get a little defensive when I'm being attacked, how irrational of me! Who are you to say that it is irrational that I'm worried about going into labor at full term? Who are you to say that I'm overreacting because I'm sad that I will be without my little girl for five days? How do you rationalize that? The only way I can see is you are insensitive. If anyone is proving anyone's point here it is you proving mine!

Well she might be your doctor since you said they feel the same way. 

allrightmeow

tammyh2o said:

I think it was good you let ur drs know that you may need to get a letter so if you do go into labor that can happen. I agree that you should get a support person lined up so you don't have to get to the hospital and contact ur hubby etc on ur own. Be sure to take this time for yourself and enjoy a treat or two or three! They can make it back if you do go into labor but be sure you monitor contractions, stay hydrated and keep time on ur feet to a minimum to reduce preterm labor! I know for me it's hard to be without my hubby even for a long work day(I'm on bed rest right now with triplets and it's not fun!) so don't listen to those haggling you about them going - I understand! I think we all have pregnancy hormones going strong, try to ignore comments that don't help you! Plus the mil trying to compare and of her pregnancies and yours should not be happening for instance the last one my mil had was 30 years ago....we know much more than we did then. You can do this! Good luck and let us know how it goes!!

::rolls eyes::  Speak for yourself please.  

argonne

I would absolutely love it if DH took our 3yo away for a few days. I'd finally be able to clean without having to reclean immediately afterwards. Also, ND is not halfway across the country from CO. We've made that drive within a day.

tjgress

I can totally understand why you would panic. I know I probably would too just being alone and worrying. It is hard to calm when you are scared and going to be alone. At the same time ND to CO is not that far and there are tons of flights so if anything they can get home to you fairly quickly but maybe not in perfect time. I agree to take the timet o relax. Do not push yourself to get more done, stress about things, or panic. Those things will only make your situation worse and you could end up raising your bp. You don't want to do that. Take a spa day if you can, see friends, nap, and just breathe. Before you know it they will be back. I know being away from them is hard and having your daughter gone will make things hard too but remember you do have support out there. Not everyone will agree with your fears and that's ok but remember there are people out there who understand and will help support you. That's what we're here for. Not everyone needs to agree but we can be a support system to help you get through it. Wish you all the best! If anything does happen....breathe you will get through it. Each birth is very different (or so i'm told). Sending good vibes your way!

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looliepoolie

 

looliepoolie

Well I guess everyone has their own opinions. Hind sight is 20/20. I obviously was upset the other day and thought maybe there were other mothers who might understand enough of my situation to sympathize, which is all I was looking for. Thankfully there were a handful of very well spoken posts that not only were helpful in putting things into perspective for me but also made me realize that not everyone on here is rude and inconsiderate. I know people feel pretty big when they are behind a computer to protect them. I was honestly throne off guard, because I expected more mothers and mothers-to-be to get it. Some of you did, and I am grateful for your posts.

This was the first community forum I have ever joined so I really didn't know what to expect, but trust me I will not make that mistake again. People are more judgmental that helpful here and it isn't worth it. Some of you need to learn a little tact. There is an art to how a person phrases things and when someone is obviously upset about a situation there are certain words that can put a person into instant defense mode. Some people posted cryptic post that said little more than accusing me of being irrational, ridiculous and overreacting. While any of these assertions may have validity, I cannot believe that if any of you were in my position that you would not get a little defensive. A person can say the same exact thing two different ways and mean the exact same thing, but one way coveys inconsiderateness and the other understanding. Prefacing a statement by showing understanding is better than coming directly out and telling someone that their feelings aren’t valid and that they are overreacting.

Never the less, mother nature was on my side and it was not meant to be. My husband and daughter’s flight was canceled along with all other flights out of Denver for several days due to weather. Nothing more to say here, Good luck to all of you mamas and expectant mamas!

WashingtonQueen

@looliepoolie, you have a PM. Thanks.

apmom

OP, I was in your situation not too long ago, and I also posted on this board about it.  The women on here helped me see that I was being hormonal and overreacting, which was so good.  My DH went to his nephew's grad, I didn't go into labor, and he had a great time.  

allrightmeow

@looliepoolie  If you were an IRL friend Id tell you the same thing I feel here to your face.  Im not one to indulge my friends when they are being ridiculous so I certainly wouldn't do it for a stranger on the internet.  You got defensive because this didn't go the way you wanted it too. 

EleanorKr

What confuses me the most is that you are worried about your daughter going somewhere with your husband for a few days. Don't you trust him to take care of her?

katekat8721

looliepoolie said:

Well I guess everyone has their own opinions. Hind sight is 20/20. I obviously was upset the other day and thought maybe there were other mothers who might understand enough of my situation to sympathize, which is all I was looking for. Thankfully there were a handful of very well spoken posts that not only were helpful in putting things into perspective for me but also made me realize that not everyone on here is rude and inconsiderate. I know people feel pretty big when they are behind a computer to protect them. I was honestly throne off guard, because I expected more mothers and mothers-to-be to get it. Some of you did, and I am grateful for your posts.

This was the first community forum I have ever joined so I really didn't know what to expect, but trust me I will not make that mistake again. People are more judgmental that helpful here and it isn't worth it. Some of you need to learn a little tact. There is an art to how a person phrases things and when someone is obviously upset about a situation there are certain words that can put a person into instant defense mode. Some people posted cryptic post that said little more than accusing me of being irrational, ridiculous and overreacting. While any of these assertions may have validity, I cannot believe that if any of you were in my position that you would not get a little defensive. A person can say the same exact thing two different ways and mean the exact same thing, but one way coveys inconsiderateness and the other understanding. Prefacing a statement by showing understanding is better than coming directly out and telling someone that their feelings aren’t valid and that they are overreacting.

Never the less, mother nature was on my side and it was not meant to be. My husband and daughter’s flight was canceled along with all other flights out of Denver for several days due to weather. Nothing more to say here, Good luck to all of you mamas and expectant mamas!

tl;dr

WashingtonQueen

RedFirePhoenix25 said:

looliepoolie said:

I could continue to go back and forth with you haygurl, but it's pointless. You are obviously not one to own up to being a jerk or at least showing some humility about your insensitive comments. Neither one of us is 'being the bigger person', here. But at least I can admit it. I have a tendency to get a little defensive when I'm being attacked, how irrational of me! Who are you to say that it is irrational that I'm worried about going into labor at full term? Who are you to say that I'm overreacting because I'm sad that I will be without my little girl for five days? How do you rationalize that? The only way I can see is you are insensitive. If anyone is proving anyone's point here it is you proving mine!

I'm legitimately confused. Your baby is not full-term until 39 weeks. Did you mean worried about going into labor BEFORE full-term? You said you will be 38 weeks when they return, so if you go to full-term, it will be after they return.
**end quote**

Yep, full term is 39 weeks.

PrimRoseMama

Wait, you really did come across as irrational. There is no way to sugar coat the fact that you over reacted