Anxiety About Getting Pregnant

abharrel

Okay so I'm gonna feel stupid for posting this because I feel like I'm the only one going through this, but hopefully someone can relate or offer some words of advice.

Ever since I was 15-16 years old, I've wanted to be a mommy. It's something I've always thought about. I would go to Babies R Us whenever I was bored to look at furniture, strollers, etc. Now that I'm married, and almost done with school (this year will be my last) my husband and I have been talking about kids and when we would want to start planning and stuff. God bless him he's even made an Excel spreadsheet with items and their cost so we can estimate how much certain things would be. Last weekend I said, "Hey lets go to Babies R Us, just to look around" Of course he was somewhat against it (he doesn't see the point in going somewhere if you're just browsing) but he went along. We walked all over Babies R Us, and we both agreed it was nice to go into a store and look at things and see it in person. After we left we started talking about when we would actually start trying and he said, "Oh well maybe sometime next year after you finish school?"

You guys this thought has not left me since. I mean, at first I got really excited but then I started thinking "All my life all I wanted was to have kids and a husband and a family. But once I Have that then what?" It's kinda left me with some serious anxiety (not that I didn't have it already lol)

Just curious what you guys think.

abharrel

WhoCanItBeNow said:

Um, once you have them you raise the kids and continue living your life?

No I understand that. But what I'm saying it that's all I've wanted in life, it's all I've thought about. I honestly felt scared because I've never thought of anything else. Once I have them, then I have nothing else to shoot for. 

And sorry, I don't understand what QFP means?

abharrel

Whitney101411 said:

WhoCanItBeNow said:

Um, once you have them you raise the kids and continue living your life?

No I understand that. But what I'm saying it that's all I've wanted in life, it's all I've thought about. I honestly felt scared because I've never thought of anything else. Once I have them, then I have nothing else to shoot for. 

And sorry, I don't understand what QFP means?

---------------------------------------- I'll bite. I *think* I see what you're saying. Please correct me if I'm wrong. I'm a very goal oriented/plan time person. I always have a plan and a back up plan and have many goals I've set for myself (children, graduate school, etc). Do you mean that once you have children you don't have any concrete goals set for yourself/your marriage because having children was the one main goal? Eta: double quoted.

Yes! Exactly what I'm saying. I have goals and ideas set for myself and they have to happen in a certain order, if not I get worried. Having a baby is one of my concrete goals, and after that I have nothing really in mind. I don't want to sit at home and not strive for anything.

And yes I know being a mommy is a full time job.

abharrel

Thank you. I guess I really am the only one that feels exactly like this but it's nice to know there is someone who is very goal oriented like I am.

I was kinda hoping more people would understand but it seems some thought I sounded stupid after posting the initial post lol. oh well.

abharrel

I have had counseling for depression/anxiety. The counseling has helped somewhat with the depression but with the anxiety not so much. That's another thing I'm worried about, because I know anxiety during pregnancy can have some negative effects on the baby. 

abharrel

I've thought about medication, but the medications that I've read about lower your libido a huge amount, and that's not really something I wanted to get into. 

Helenahhandbasket

abharrel said:

WhoCanItBeNow said:

Um, once you have them you raise the kids and continue living your life?

No I understand that. But what I'm saying it that's all I've wanted in life, it's all I've thought about. I honestly felt scared because I've never thought of anything else. Once I have them, then I have nothing else to shoot for. 

And sorry, I don't understand what QFP means?

I mean-- you will have a job/ career, no?  (you said you are in school).  Having children and working FT gives me plenty to shoot for.

If you mean big things, there's a million milestones-- talking, walking, PT first day of school etc, vacations, saving for a nicer home etc.

The little everyday things-- commuting to work, DC shuffle, making dinner, bedtime routines will make up most of your life though for a while.

Still not 100% sure what you mean.  I guess I am having a hard time relating because I was not always sure I wanted to be a mom.

Helenahhandbasket

abharrel said:

I've thought about medication, but the medications that I've read about lower your libido a huge amount, and that's not really something I wanted to get into. 

There are several that do not have this effect.  Def talk to your physician.

abharrel

I guess I could probably talk to someone about it, but in my brain I rather deal with anxiety than not want to have sex. Idk it's just how I think. I suppose I could always try medication and if I didn't like the side effects just quit it.

CallMeShoes

It sounds like you're very goal oriented, and you strongly self-identify with this goal of being a mother.  While being a wife and a mother may be very important to you, I think it's important to start defining yourself in terms of what you'll be to other people.

Maybe before you have kids, you can sit down and really think about what you want out of life besides a family.  Do you want to travel?  Do you want to earn a certain amount of money in a certain time frame?  Do you want to own a home?  Do you want to be financially secure enough to retire by 50?  There are all sorts of personal goals that you can set for yourself that have nothing to do with a family.  And I think it's important to never stop setting goals, and diverse goals at that.

FTR, I don't think you sound stupid.  

silverandgray

CallMeShoes said:

It sounds like you're very goal oriented, and you strongly self-identify with this goal of being a mother.  While being a wife and a mother may be very important to you, I think it's important to start defining yourself in terms of what you'll be to other people.

Maybe before you have kids, you can sit down and really think about what you want out of life besides a family.  Do you want to travel?  Do you want to earn a certain amount of money in a certain time frame?  Do you want to own a home?  Do you want to be financially secure enough to retire by 50?  There are all sorts of personal goals that you can set for yourself that have nothing to do with a family.  And I think it's important to never stop setting goals, and diverse goals at that.

FTR, I don't think you sound stupid.  

These are all good points. I went through a bit of the "Now what?" feeling upon graduating from college, but I've found that life keeps showing me new things to work toward and experience - and yours likely will, too.    Certainly raising kids will come with plenty of milestones and becoming a mom is life-changing, but I like @CallMeShoes list of personal goals as well. It's good to remember that every mother is a person who had a life before becoming "mom" and, hopefully, still has one after. I'm sorry this is causing you anxiety. 

marathonmommy82

abharrel said:

I've thought about medication, but the medications that I've read about lower your libido a huge amount, and that's not really something I wanted to get into. 

There a lot of different medications and types of medications ... and people react differentky. If you truly need them I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss

iloveu4ever

I understand. I go to babies r us all the time to look around haha.