Unsure how to help (loss mentioned)

Mandmeesh

I just found out that a coworker/work friend went to her OB Tuesday for her 36 week appointment...and they couldn't find a heartbeat. . She has contacted work to say that visitors are welcome. What can I bring her? They just did the csection yesterday

SuperTinkerham

I would take her a freezer meal in disposable containers and a card. Ugh, how absolutely awful.

km_md

That is so heartbreaking, I can't even imagine a loss that late. Sending T&Ps to the family. 

I don't know what to say about what to bring. A nice card. A gift card or some freezer meals so that the family doesn't have to cook. Just being there for her will also be a nice gift since she is open to visitors. 

TJ1979

Oh that is so heartbreaking.  I am so sorry to hear that.  I don't even know what to say.  There is nothing that is comforting at this time.  Definitely a card and your presence, knowing that she is cared about and being thought of. 

jcwinsto

Gosh, it's so hard to know what they want or need. I would say ice cream and a box of very nice soft tissues with moisturizer. No need for a red raw nose when you're going through something like that. It's the little things. Ask if there is anything you can do around the house while she is in the hospital or after she comes home. A healthy freezer meal would be nice. People bring food but it's usually not all that healthy (carb heavy type stuff) and after a few days you just wish you had a balanced meal. Gosh, stories like this make me want to go find my baby and squeeze him forever.

freezorburn

I would probably bring something from a local bakery. Or chocolate. And then just be there for her and let her talk about whatever she wants, or doesn't want.

violajack

Check out the FAQ on the loss board. It'll rip your heart out to read stuff over there, but I found it really helpful when a friend lost her baby at 10 weeks to SIDS. Agreed with bringing food. Put a note in your calendar to check up on her again in a month and in two months and beyond. She's crushed now. She'll be crushed again when the due date rolls by. She'll need support again when the initial outpouring of help ends and people go on with their lives.,

stoneycakes

I can't even begin to imagine how painful a loss that late must be.  From my own experience with earlier loss, I agree with all of the above.  And whatever you do, don't say things to make her "feel better" like "It must have been meant to be" or "You'll be able to have another one."  I think the best plan of action is to do more listening and less talking.  

And if you're close, maybe to remind her a few weeks or a few months down the road that you haven't forgotten she's hurting and that you're still there for her to talk to, if she wants.

Mandmeesh

She just let us know that she is not ready for visitors. I think I will have some food sent or bring some food to her and her husband

TugboatSheila

I can't imagine. My heart goes out to them. 

I think anything would probably be helpful. Even just going over to vacuum her house or do her dishes (if you are close enough to do that). Making food would always be a good idea. 

Mandmeesh

Chickypoo2468 said:

Takethemameal.com has meals you can send

Oh, awesome! Thank you! If she didn't want visitors, I doubt they want people coming to their house. I'm checking this out right now. Thanks MK

unaveragejane

When my friend lost her triplets, she and HH didn't want visitors for a very long time. Two close friends of theirs took charge of setting up a rotation for people who wanted to bring meals. Folks would take the meals to one of those two friends, and they would in turn drop them by the family's house. They used something like CaringMeals.com or Takethemeal.com to coordinate it all.

Mandmeesh

These are all very good ideas. I decided to go with a big laundry basket that ill line with fabric. Fill it with pasta and sauce, crusty bread, chili and cornbread, calzones, chocolate chip cookies, dark chocolate trail mix, dried apple slices, a black fleece/faux fur blanket and a potted bonsai tree with a stone that says "peace" on it. :-/

countrycotton

I can't even fathom the pain they are feeling. Along the food lines, you might take snacks, single serving type things. They may not be up to eating any real food. But a sort of mindless grab and eat quick thing might be what they need to get thru.

BoyOhBoys

This has happened to two friends of mine on their due dates...

Just listen if she wants to talk and don't press her if she doesn't. Tell her how beautiful the baby is  if she has photos. Like some PP's said, just remember her and check up on her. Send mother's day & father's day gifts etc.

TJ1979

I think that's a great gesture Meesh.  Very considerate and thoughtful and useful.

Mandmeesh

TJ1979 said:

I think that's a great gesture Meesh.  Very considerate and thoughtful and useful.

I guess I could give a hundred big baskets of "stuff"…but nothing will be enough

nicole336

I think it's a lovely gesture

Mandmeesh said:

TJ1979 said:

I think that's a great gesture Meesh.  Very considerate and thoughtful and useful.

I guess I could give a hundred big baskets of "stuff"…but nothing will be enough

LaBellaVida

This is so heart breaking. I feel for hey and her family. My Co worker lost her baby at 38 weeks. It was devastating!

LaBellaVida

this is so heartbreaking. I feel for her and her family and what they are going through.my coworker Lost her baby at 38 weeks, it was devastating.
I didn't go and visit after the Csection, but I did attend the funeral. I brought flowers and was just there for her, I cried with her, I let her talk and I just listened. there really is nothing to say except I'm sorry.

I agree with previous posters I would just bring a meal. and if you guys are really close then maybe offer to clean her house.

my coworker lost her baby 2 years ago and I still acknowledge her baby on the day that she was born.

this is such a hard thing to deal with. after my coworkers baby had passed I went to the LosS Board and I asked for some of their input.

Maybe ask them?

tjkdlhb

That is so sad.  I think the basket is a nice idea, and I agree with the others who said to continue to offer support

Mandmeesh

Chickypoo2468 said:

What about like healthy protein bars?

Do you know of any? Any I know about have huge amounts of sugar

ElleBeeDub

Larabars are mostly dates and nuts (so not really "protein," but no added sugars). 

mmm50

This happened to my friend 3 weeks ago at 38 weeks.  So sad and horrible.  I sent a card and a Starbuck's gift card since I know she loves coffee, there is one at the hospital, and probably can't really sleep.  I didn't want to intrude at the hospital, though they did message us that they were accepting visitors.  

Right now they are on a vacation that they decided they need to clear their minds.  Not sure how close the friend is or if that has been discussed, but a weekend away might be a relief if you could book something for them with a flexible date.  

cprice02

Just reading this now.  So sorry for your friend.  My cousin lost her baby at 36 weeks right before Christmas and of course it was devastating.  I think the basket idea is a great one.  Very thoughtful of you.