discipline question...

joyfullyfound

We implemented time-outs with DD a couple months ago, but I feel like she likes them and we need to put something different in place... see what you think: Our method is to warn her that we're counting to three and if she hasn't complied by then, then she's going into time-out. Well, whenever we start counting, she runs to put herself in time-out rather than do what she's supposed to, and she sits there happily for the 2 minutes. Afterwards we'll follow through with getting her to do whatever she was supposed to originally, but she seems to enjoy how she can put it off with a time-out. We also have her apologize. 

Time-outs happen on the top stair of of stair case... there's nothing interesting or fun there, so it's not that the time-out location is appealing in some way... I don't know if we should just persevere with it or try something different (but what?!). Yesterday it was a tough day and she had 3 time-outs and each time she put herself there before DH or I finished counting, and seemed to be completely ok with all of it. I want to see a little remorse, dammit! The whole point is that she should find it unpleasant so she wants to avoid going there again in the future, right?

Thoughts? 

Edit: Oh! And she'll also put herself in time-out if I just speak to her sternly without threatening a time-out... like if she wanders out of the kitchen while eating and I tell her to go back to the table, she'll put herself in time-out instead. And she's been putting her stuffed animals in time-out when she's pretend playing by herself. 

acire86

We do time outs also but i have a toddler size chair and it is in a corner. If R acts out or starts to tantrum she gets a warning. If she continues with the behavior then she goes to the time out chair, and she hates it. She yells and tries anything to not go into the chair, for 2 mins. I am pretty strict when it comes to timeouts and i make her stay for the whole 2 mins and if she gets up I stop the clock and put her back but M is awful if she gives him hugs and kisses or butters him up in anyway he will give in.

Maybe try a different location? Or call your time out spot something different?

penguingrrl

My oldest was the same way. Time out did not phase her at all. What did phase her, however, was if her blankie went into time out. So for a long time when she did something wrong blankie went into time out for 2 minutes. As she got older we phased into her going into time out instead of blankie, but by then she understood it as a punishment.

honkytonk_kid

It sounds like she sees it as almost a game. Until she's over that, you could try counting to three then help/make her do whatever you asked- especially since you said she enjoys putting off what you asked her to do- ie carry her back to the kitchen, hand over hand pick up toys, etc. Put her in time out after if you feel you need to, but I would make sure your request is taken care of first. That's what we do- he can do xyz himself like a big boy or I can help him, but there is no option to defy my instructions.

barnwife

This wouldn't bother me at all. My kids are free to put themselves in TO if they want. (We don't call it that. We call it cool down time or break time generally.) 

I don't like TO as punishment though. What does that teach? To me, it's a way to get them to cool down (if angry/acting out) or prepare to do whatever they should be doing.

Don't want to pick up your toys like I just said? Fine, but you are sitting in this chair until you are ready to comply. 

I don't time how long they sit ever. They are free to come back to play/follow through whenever they have an appropriate attitude. (If they come out while upset, I take them right back.)

Why do you need to see remorse? So you feel successful as a parent? 

dizzycooks

I have similar issues with my dd.  Rarely does TO upset her and sometimes she is prepared to come back earlier than 2 minutes.  She doesn't see the clock I use so if she has calmed down early I will typically let her come back.  I like the idea of making her complete the task with your help and then follow up with a time out, but I'm not sure she would associate the TO with not having done the task because in her mind she just did it, only you helped her.  I may try using TO as a cool down zone and let her come back when she's ready to listen.  That's what I do in my classroom and it seems to work well.

LoriLee14

My child does this too. So you are not alone.

I am sticking with them though. And he always has to follow through or apologize for his action

Linnea503

I tried time outs once or twice and just didn't feel it was effective (my DS1 is 2).

Anyway, what I've been doing instead is more of a delayed consequence thing. If I ask him to pick up toys, come get a diaper change, put on shoes, etc and he doesn't, I just wait a couple minutes until he wants milk, or a snack, or to read a book or whatever and say "when you are ready to X then I will Y." It works at least for now.

He doesn't hit or push or anything so I haven't had to deal with discipline in those circumstances, but if he did I would just end the playdate or fun time immediately, I think.

I also do LOTS of positive reinforcement. Even just hand stamps and stickers seem to go a long way.