Does this ever get easier?

ashpie623

I'm crying myself to sleep every night since discovering I am pregnant and realizing the daddy isn't going to be there for me. I'm 26. I have never been a mom before. I feel so selfish saying this but I just lay in bed wishing there was someone to take care of me. I am so scared to be alone. I don't feel I can admit this or else I loose control. But it is very real the feeling. Does this get easier before baby comes? I'm only 7 weeks.

MinnesotaMomma91

Yes it gets better. Now im going to give you some harsh advice. Woman up. Yes being single and pregnant sucks and being a single parent is really hard. But your going to be a mom in a few months your kid needs you to be strong for your lo. Youll be a great mom.

lady_mormont

Yes, woman up.

ALSO, do not let the lack of a man ruin one of the most magical experiences of your life! You are pregnant! No matter how bad things are otherwise please remember to be happy.

The biggest regret I have is letting my X ruin the last part of my pregnancy for me. 

tig594

Yep, what they said.  You should focus on you and your happiness first whether pregnant or not.  When you have your LO you will then be focused on the 2 of you.  You DO NOT need a man in your life to be happy.  Does it get easier?  That all depends on you and how you decide to handle your situation.  I'd try to find a local mom's group for support.

My LO is 14 months old and I am busy ALL THE TIME between her and work.  Once you get into a routine it helps a lot.  I don't have time to think about or wish for someone to come along and take care of us.  In fact, I think I prefer just her and I for the time being.  I get her to myself and there isn't an outsider coming around messing up our routine.  Anyway, you need to be strong and change your thinking.  Remember, you will soon be responsible for another person and the choices you make will directly effect your child.  

Even if it doesn't get easier it doesn't matter.  I'm pretty sure we'd all walk on hot coals barefoot for our kids.

tig594

MinnesotaMomma91

And remember the single mom mantra. I can not control the actions of my childs father. I can only control my actions

missiemae

It DOES get easier!!  What is difficult is imaging how easy things would be with another adult around to help.. But you must be remember that having another adult around who does not want to be there or is of no help is worse than doing things on your own!
I have been a single mom to 3 kids for almost 4 years, had a child almost 2 years ago with my bf (he initially lived 8 hours away and now lives 2 hours away) and we are now on baby 2 together, oops!, and I have to fight feelings of resentment towards him and thoughts about how much easier it would be if he were here with us (he works a lot and we don't get to see him much, so even if he were living together I wouldn't get much help).
The newborn stage is tough, but soon you will fall into your own routine and things just work! Hang in there and try not to worry!

jellybean529

It does All things in life are temporary. Newborns are hard but that time is fleeting and before you know it you'll be into a good, solid routine and you won't even have to think about your baby's father not being present. 

babymama619

Yes it gets easier. It gets scarier and easier and then harder then easier. Keep reaching out, allow yourself to feel what you need to then dust yourself off and keep going.

lady_mormont

@ashpie623 - We all have bad moments and it takes a true friend to be strong enough to pull us out of them. You got a mix of answers from "all sympathy" to "woman up". You NEED this. Why? Because sympathy is nice to hear, but gets your nowhere. Encouragement and boot camp like motivation will be what gets you out of your bed and keeps the tears from staining your pillow on the regular. You need BOTH!

Here are a couple of my older blog posts that may explain where I am coming from and offer you some help, comfort and motivation.

Stiff Upper Lip

When I am Feeling Down

Don't be defensive and remember we have all been there. We just don't want to see you waste your days crying when there is so much to be happy about! 

MinnesotaMomma91

@Beccaga16 is correct. Sitting crying does no good. Yes its hard, yes youll cry. Youll also have smiles and laughs and joy. I think thats pretty unanimous. Ive never loved anyone like i love my son. And because i love him im going back to school so i can give him a better life.

tig594

It may be hard to cope for awhile.  But I promise you when you DO have a LO to hold and snuggle you will know without doubt that it's all worth it.

laurstarx

I was single and pregnant. And I'm now single and a mother. She's 8 weeks old and the light of my life. When I was in labor and then I held her in my arms for the first time.. Guess what... Not even one thought of how her daddy is not going to be around. The most magical moment of my life. You're going to be fine. Is it easy? Nope. Is it worth it? Damn fucking skippy.

ashpie623

Thank you for the compassion I saw in some of your replies. As I said I'm 7 weeks pregnant - there is not a newborn yet - and I have known 2 weeks. I think I am pretty fucking strong already, it is vulnerable to show my fears online to strangers. I'm sure everyone has experienced the anxieties I have and at least I am honest with myself about the sadness. I cope with bipolar disorder and have to muscle through all these feelings without meds. I thank everyone who has put time into making me feel understood and not so alone.

ashpie623

tig594 said:

Thank you.

MinnesotaMomma91

ashpie623 said:

Thank you for the compassion I saw in some of your replies. As I said I'm 7 weeks pregnant - there is not a newborn yet - and I have known 2 weeks. I think I am pretty fucking strong already, it is vulnerable to show my fears online to strangers. I'm sure everyone has experienced the anxieties I have and at least I am honest with myself about the sadness. I cope with bipolar disorder and have to muscle through all these feelings without meds. I thank everyone who has put time into making me feel understood and not so alone.

You must be new here. If i can tell(and have told) my best friend to screw her pussy back in right and dry her tears because her ex left her while pregnant well then by george ill tell you that too.

Dont like that we are blunt and honest well then

ashpie623

I apologize if I came off as defensive. I only said I am a strong person, that's all. I read my initial message and saw how others might perceive me as weak. That's why I said it. No passive aggressive intentions there.

I do appreciate the range in replies. I extended an explanation because it seems to me that there is a HUGE difference between knowing one is pregnant for two weeks vs having a physical child in ones arms. The acceptance for my current situation grows moment to moment. I know it will always be challenging in some way, as life generally is.

There's nothing wrong with tough love, I dish it plenty and yes mosty just to close friends when there isn't any sugar with it. I wasn't looking for sympathy, I wasn't looking for criticism, just people's own experience so I can use that for guidance.

You are ALL women I deeply admire if only for the fact that you are mothers trying to be the best you can for a LO. I hope that comes across because I sincerely mean it.

Big hugs and kisses, I hope everyone's day is starting off well.