Loss-aversary

KikiCohen · May 2014

Today marks two years since I found out that our first baby no longer had a heartbeat.

Surprisingly, I'm doing okay. I even found out that one of DH's coworkers had her baby this morning, and I am legitimately happy for her. It's such a long way from where I was that day (obviously) and even last year.

When I had my most recent appt with my OB, she had her nurse print out a bunch of test results and appt notes to take with me to the new MFM that she referred me to. I was looking through the papers and saw the report from my m/c. It had the baby listed as measuring 9w3d (I was 12w6d). We were told that the baby stopped growing around 9 weeks, but never knew when. Oddly, knowing the exact measurements gave us some type of closure, though I'm not sure why.

Thanks for reading my ramblings of the day. Here's a picture of me and P on Mother's Day with the bleeding heart bush that we planted after our loss (nevermind the squinty eyes... it was bright!). That way, I have a picture of me with both of my children.

Wifey xo · May 2014

First of all, what a cutie he is! Glad you are in a healthy place. My son was born a few days before my first loss anniversary by csection that was deliberately scheduled by my OB to avoid giving birth again on the same day (Csection was needed). The boys first birthday just passed and I did surprisingly well. To me, the loss anniversary was more difficult due to the flood of memories. After testing and a successful, although high risk pregnancy, we have a good idea what caused the chain of events but still get that heaviness in my chest when I think of them. With time, I know it will be less painful. Lovely pic, and lovely tribute to your little one.