3rd shower. Yay or nay?

KyMommy86

I am preg with bundle #3. Is it appropriate to have a baby shower. I say no but my husband says he doesn't see why we shouldn't. Seems to me like begging at this point since we still have so much for bundle #2's stuff. What have some others done?
Yes I realize I'm not far along but I like having my ducks in a row WAY in advance. I'm a planner.

KyMommy86

That's what I was thinking but my husband was on the opposite page.
I just meant I'm a planner in the way that I like to know what's going on well in advance not that I was planning on having one.

KyMommy86

I was certainly not planning on throwing my own. Was just kinda wondering if I should decline if someone offers. I don't want to be rude but I don't want to be tacky either.

Helenahhandbasket

Always nay in a situation like this.

Empireceo

Nope. Showers are for first time moms only.

sschwege

Don't listen to your husband on this one, he is flat out wrong!  

Ciardasully

I agree with the PP's.  

Valancyy

We're on baby #3 as well, and honestly, I see no need for a shower at this point.  We bought a few things for this baby.  Mostly replacements (like new changing pad), and some new things I'd like to have this time that I never got before (scale, bouncer).

We cloth diaper, have everything else we would need.  I would feel pretty weird having a shower for a 3rd baby.  Ours our pretty close in age as well.

KyMommy86

That's what I was thinking. We still have most everything from #2 and don't need anything. We may do a welcome home even AFTER the baby is born or something and make clear that we don't want gifts.

KyMommy86

AbbyMMM said:

You didn't share your Hubby's reasons for pushing for this shower. If he's anything like my DH, this shower hinting is actually just an expression of concern about the cost of another child, I would sit down with him and take a good honest look at our budget for the next two years or so. Btw your instinct is right - no showers for 3rd pregnancies, please.

He hasn't shared his reasons with me. I'm sure it has a lot to do with the cost of a 3rd child. He goes into panic mode over money very easily. He is very much a live in the now kind of person and has no mind for planning and budgeting and all that. I have actually set aside time this evening to talk to him about it. I got up early to knock some chores out so I shouldn't have much to do after the kids go to bed and can talk to him about this and hear his concerns (I will state that we are both on the same page about wanting this baby and much talking was done before I removed my IUD and we started TTC, I think it just happened sooner than either of us expected after hearing it can take up to a year or more).

KyMommy86

We still have all the "big" stuff from #2. Crib, changing table, car seat, stroller. I even have tons of toys and clothes that #2 has outgrown. If #3 is a boy I won't have to buy a thing (just diapers and stuff that gets used up). If it's a girl I plan on still using some of the clothes from #2 and buying only a few typically girl outfits.
We should be fine.

Aarg

Nope. Not for #3. And if I got an invite for one, probably wouldn't go :-q

ScarletButler

I disagree here. I had 2 babies 11 months apart, and I was thrown a shower and a sprinkle. Next week I am attending a shower for baby number 4 for a friend, because she has 3 boys, and this will be her first girl. There is also an 18 year age gap between #1 and #4, so obviously she has nothing from her first shower! I don't see it as gift grabby, I see it as helping her out because she has no pink stuff.

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ScarletButler

Yes....she has 3 boys, who are 5 and older, and I am sure most of their baby clothes are gone or heavily used. So I meant it more like she's starting from scratch. Again, not seeing a problem here. 

ScarletButler

These boards! You flame anyone who you claim "didn't get the answer she wanted", yet any difference of opinion from yours is flamed as well. What is the point of discussion boards if not to have your own opinions. I see no reason to be rude when someone does something different than you are used to doing. 

OP, if someone in your circle wants to throw you a little something, there is no reason to decline. As I see it, a shower is to celebrate the new life, not just the new mom. Perhaps we should change the name of these things, so the etiquette police don't come out in force. 

A quote I found in a search: "Second baby showers are definitely becoming more “okay” and accepted…in areas other than the South, where second (and third, and fourth) baby showers were ALWAYS okay and accepted. There is definitely a regional factor at play here, probably because (if I may make some sweeping generalizations) Southerners know how to throw showers the right way. They stick to the proper etiquette and the focus is NOT a big giant gift grab, as I see more often in other areas of the country. Showers are just…parties, meant to “shower” the mother-to-be with love and attention and an afternoon of fun. Why shouldn’t every new baby get their own party? That’s just silly to think otherwise! "

https://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/ask-heidi/baby-shower-etiquette.aspx

ScarletButler

I'm aware it's not my job, but the way you make it sound is like I am wrong for wanting to help. In response to the post, I think it is OK, and that there are people in this world that are in favor of a 3rd shower. I have a serious question for you ladies though. When you were new to the boards, were you welcomed with open arms? I am sure you have seen tons of women come and go, were they all people that disagreed with you? Do you accept anyone who thinks differently? Are you all catholic republicans?

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brendisimma

Yes on the shower! I'm sure you have loved ones that would love to celebrate with you. Enjoy it and don't worry about the judging and gossiping..who has time for that?

Meery82

brendisimma said:

Yes on the shower! I'm sure you have loved ones that would love to celebrate with you. Enjoy it and don't worry about the judging and gossiping..who has time for that?

No.

KyMommy86

I appreciate everyone's input, no matter if their opinion lines up with mine or not. I appreciate every single person that took time out of their busy lives to try and help me (someone you don't know) with a concern of mine.
I have discussed the issue with my husband and I think we have landed on doing a gender/name reveal party that will be all about the baby. We will specify that we don't want gifts the intention is for it to be all about the baby. It seemed like a very fair compromise.
Thank you all.

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KyMommy86

MrsFinni said:

I appreciate everyone's input, no matter if their opinion lines up with mine or not. I appreciate every single person that took time out of their busy lives to try and help me (someone you don't know) with a concern of mine.
I have discussed the issue with my husband and I think we have landed on doing a gender/name reveal party that will be all about the baby. We will specify that we don't want gifts the intention is for it to be all about the baby. It seemed like a very fair compromise.
Thank you all.

QFP. I'm sorry that you have obviously gotten nothing out of the advice on this board.

Or it's not a shower. We want no gifts. All gifts will be donated to the women's a children's abuse shelter or to the local pregnancy center. And oh yeah it is my life. I have been more than polite and I thank everyone. Just because you offer an opinion doesn't mean I have to take it. I did ask to help clear my thoughts but ultimately it's up to me. I'm sorry the way I live my life bothers you.

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RibbitGrl930

KyMommy86 said:

I appreciate everyone's input, no matter if their opinion lines up with mine or not. I appreciate every single person that took time out of their busy lives to try and help me (someone you don't know) with a concern of mine.
I have discussed the issue with my husband and I think we have landed on doing a gender/name reveal party that will be all about the baby. We will specify that we don't want gifts the intention is for it to be all about the baby. It seemed like a very fair compromise.
Thank you all.

Oh, heavens, no. I prayed this wouldn't start becoming a thing. Looks like it is...

EleanorKr

NAME REVEALS?! This is getting out of hand. Stop it, Pinterest.

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LucilleAustero

ScarletButler said:

I'm aware it's not my job, but the way you make it sound is like I am wrong for wanting to help. In response to the post, I think it is OK, and that there are people in this world that are in favor of a 3rd shower. I have a serious question for you ladies though. When you were new to the boards, were you welcomed with open arms? I am sure you have seen tons of women come and go, were they all people that disagreed with you? Do you accept anyone who thinks differently? Are you all catholic republicans?

What kind of ridiculousness is this? People generally don't take to stereotyping well. I suggest you think before making offensive generalizations.

-your friendly Catholic Liberal

Empireceo

@ScarletButler‌ , way to be offensive and ignorant. This liberal Catholic with a high regard for etiquette thinks you're an idiot.

Saratiff