Child with anxiety, medication?

marchbaby

My son is 7 years old and has been struggling with anxiety.  He has made improvements but still has a long way to go.  School is definitely hard for him, his teacher has been great and gives him a free pass when he isn't comfortable doing something or answering a question.  He has some good friends who are very patient with him (though I fear as they get older they are going to get tired of the high maintenance he requires).  They know he hates to lose so they always let him win (which I don't entirely agree with, but its sweet they don't like to see him upset.)  He is a perfectionist and unless he can do something perfectly the first time he doesn't want to try.  Once in awhile he still has a day where he has to be carried into school.  Recently they had poetry day at school and he curled up in a ball and covered his head for the whole thing.  After it was over I had to carry him out of the room and he was grunting and wouldn't talk for a good 1/2 hour after the event.  Its like his whole body just shuts down.  Other parents keep telling me they felt so bad for him, and I start crying every time its brought up.
He loves playing sports but most of the time the anxiety gets in the way.  We finally found a sport he can do and loves (after signing him up for and dropping out of several) but has a hard time getting through a practice.  If they ask him to try something new he gets upset.  If he makes a mistake, he gets upset.  If someone else cheats (like they don't skate around the cone) he gets upset.  When he gets upset he will often either fall to the ground and cover his head or skate off to the side and won't participate.  He has always done well with games though, and loves it.  Today he is starting a clinic and he is really nervous about it and both my husband and myself are dreading it.  Its a clinic that is only games, no practices, so he should love it but he has worked it up so much in his head that i'm not sure how its going to go.  Its so hard to see him so upset and we have no idea what to do. 

A few other things that have happened recently:  I brought him to a birthday party and there was a dunk tank.  He really wanted to go into it, though I had my concerns.  He got halfway up the ladder and started shutting down.  He got mostly onto the seat but he started grunting and wasn't able to talk.  The other kids were great, giving him time and encouraging him but i finally had to pull him off.  He gets so upset b/c he wants to do these things but can't.  He was also supposed to go to a banquet last weekend to get a trophy.  He really wanted to go and then right before we were supposed to go he changed his mind and shut down. He was also supposed to start a new sport that he really wanted to do but at the first two practices he shut down and left the field so I ended up pulling him from the program.  I am so sad that he is missing out on stuff he loves b/c of this. 

He recently started seeing a therapist, but that will take awhile for us to notice any difference.  He seems open to it working, going as far as to tell me "I need to see my therapist more b/c it isn't working yet."  If anything I think its made him more aware that he is different and thats upsetting him as well.  My husband has anxiety and depression and its so hard.  I feel like it might be time to medicate him, my husband is afraid of the side effects.  I just worry he is not completely happy and is missing out on things.  Every event I go to that has kids participating and having fun and my child is curled up in a ball on the floor it gets harder and harder for me to handle. 

Anyway, if you made it through this jumble of thoughts and emotions, thank you!  Does anyone have any advice?  Any kids who have been through this?  Its just heart wrenching bc you can see the struggle in him when he wants to do something but just can't.

marchbaby

-auntie- said:

marchbaby said:

My son is 7 years old and has been struggling with anxiety.  He has made improvements but still has a long way to go.  School is definitely hard for him, his teacher has been great and gives him a free pass when he isn't comfortable doing something or answering a question. 

It's not great if the teacher is lowering the bar for him. That's the no confidence vote that tells a bright anxious kid that the grownups around him don't believe he has the potential to master what's harder for him. It can lead to a kid who isn't very resilient and doesn't develop stamina around tasks which require some tenacity.
I hadn't thought about it that way.  The reasoning behind it was if forced to do something he is uncomfortable with he will shut down completely and it can take awhile to get him back.  If he can just pass he will get on with his day. 

 He has some good friends who are very patient with him (though I fear as they get older they are going to get tired of the high maintenance he requires).  They know he hates to lose so they always let him win (which I don't entirely agree with, but its sweet they don't like to see him upset.) 

It's great that he has friends. Are they girls? This sort of mother hen indulgent behavior is typical of girls and can mask difficulties in certain peers until they outgrow this stage in late 3rd grade or so.

While the girls in his class can definitely be "mother hennish" he has a few really good boy friends as well.  One in particular seems to really understand my son and I have seen him snap my son out of a near break down by doing something funny to make him laugh.  He seems to know when my son needs help.  He has also expressed concern to me when my son has a breakdown and asked if he could see him to make sure he was okay (very sweet little boy).  He has a handful of other boy friends as well.

 He is a perfectionist and unless he can do something perfectly the first time he doesn't want to try.  Once in awhile he still has a day where he has to be carried into school.  Recently they had poetry day at school and he curled up in a ball and covered his head for the whole thing.  After it was over I had to carry him out of the room and he was grunting and wouldn't talk for a good 1/2 hour after the event.  Its like his whole body just shuts down.  Other parents keep telling me they felt so bad for him, and I start crying every time its brought up. 

Was this anxiety over the poetry or was this more of a reaction to a nonpreferred activity behavior?

The poetry thing was probably b/c all the parents were piled into the class and they were expected to recite two group poems and an individual poem.  I totally didn't think he would be able to do it but we decided to try.  A few months ago they had all the parents come into the class to look at a book report each student had done and he surprised everyone by doing great, I was hoping he would surprise me again.  He hates being the center of attention, even saying something like "i like your haircut" can upset him. 

He loves playing sports but most of the time the anxiety gets in the way.  We finally found a sport he can do and loves (after signing him up for and dropping out of several) but has a hard time getting through a practice.  If they ask him to try something new he gets upset.  If he makes a mistake, he gets upset.  If someone else cheats (like they don't skate around the cone) he gets upset.  When he gets upset he will often either fall to the ground and cover his head or skate off to the side and won't participate.  He has always done well with games though, and loves it.  Today he is starting a clinic and he is really nervous about it and both my husband and myself are dreading it.  Its a clinic that is only games, no practices, so he should love it but he has worked it up so much in his head that i'm not sure how its going to go.  Its so hard to see him so upset and we have no idea what to do. 

A few other things that have happened recently:  I brought him to a birthday party and there was a dunk tank.  He really wanted to go into it, though I had my concerns.  He got halfway up the ladder and started shutting down.  He got mostly onto the seat but he started grunting and wasn't able to talk.  The other kids were great, giving him time and encouraging him but i finally had to pull him off.  He gets so upset b/c he wants to do these things but can't.  He was also supposed to go to a banquet last weekend to get a trophy.  He really wanted to go and then right before we were supposed to go he changed his mind and shut down. He was also supposed to start a new sport that he really wanted to do but at the first two practices he shut down and left the field so I ended up pulling him from the program.  I am so sad that he is missing out on stuff he loves b/c of this. 

He recently started seeing a therapist, but that will take awhile for us to notice any difference.  He seems open to it working, going as far as to tell me "I need to see my therapist more b/c it isn't working yet."  If anything I think its made him more aware that he is different and thats upsetting him as well.  

What background does the therapist have? Are they doing CBT? Has anyone evaluated your son to R/O an ASD? A lot of this behavior is classic ASD/Aspergers type. The perfectionist streak, the anxiety, the need to be the rule police when other kids do the wrong thing.

I don't believe she is doing CBT but to be honest I don't really know much about that.She came recommended by two people whose children had been to her for anxiety, but my sons anxiety is much more severe then their children. I will look into CBT as well.   He has not been evaluated.  When he was in preschool our pediatrician mentioned we might want to consider evaluating him if he didn't show improvement.  We decided to wait a few months while we were dealing with my older son (who was just diagnosed with ADD and was having absence seizures.).  We were doing testing my older son (who,it turns out was just severely anemic, some iron and all ADD symptoms and absence seizures disappeared).    Anyway, during that time period my younger sons anxiety started to improve.  He has improved every year since preschool so we figured he was heading in the right direction, and at first we thought it was just him being shy, a momma's boy etc.  Its been the second half of this year that we are noticing more problems.  But it could also be that he is being put in more situations that bring out his anxiety the older he gets.  And as he gets older they become more obvious.

My husband has anxiety and depression and its so hard.  I feel like it might be time to medicate him, my husband is afraid of the side effects.  I just worry he is not completely happy and is missing out on things.  Every event I go to that has kids participating and having fun and my child is curled up in a ball on the floor it gets harder and harder for me to handle.  

Yeah, that part definitely sucks. BTDT. It's awful and it gets worse as they get older and this behavior becomes more stigmatizing. 

I hear you on wanting your DS to be happy. You probably don't want to hear this, but one of the best gifts DS's psychologist gave be was a release from the responsibility of making my kid happy or bolstering his self esteem. Turns out it wasn't my job. It sounds like you and your DH are practically jumping through hoops to make your kid happy and getting nowhere with it. Your DS needs to conquer what's holding him back- to a large degree he's the one who has to do the heavy lifting on this- before he kind find his zen.

I can appreciate your DH's thoughts on side effects. Anxiety is treated with SRRIs and they are a bitch. Not all members of this class of drugs will be effective for every one. They take weeks to trial and can not be stopped abruptly- an SSRI trial can take 6-8 weeks- fail- and have you back to the drawing board with a new med. It's great when you hit the right drug, but you might be better served to see what you get from therapy alone assuming you're doing CBT. If it's just generic talk therapy, it might not get to a point where he's doing better. Does the therapist give you guys homework to do between appointments? When we did CBT, his psych gave us both a laundry list of things to work on each week. We did add an SSRI when DS was about 8 after a year of CBT and switching him to a better school.
We have not gotten any homework thus far from his therapist. Yes, we probably are jumping through hoops for him. My husband is on several different anxiety, depression and ADD medications.  We have seen the struggle of trying to balance the right medications etc., its so hard.  I will admit, my husband told the therapist that his worst fear is that my son would end up like him, and I burst into tears.  It is so hard to deal with so we do everything we can to make him happy and pave his way. 
Tonight he had his first hockey game in over a month.  He was nervous going out, especially when he found out he was the youngest on the team by about 2 years.  But he was awesome out there.  He played well, but more then that he was happy and confident.  Once he got off the ice that uncertainty returned immediately, he wouldn't talk to anyone etc.  I just love seeing him so free and happy, I had tears in my eyes watching him.  I also don't know if this is a coincidence or not but he has developed an eye twitch over the past month, I read online it could be anxiety related and his therapist agreed.  Tonight after his game he told me his eyes feel better and he thinks its because he "saw the ice again."  I think its the first time since hockey ended a month ago that he was truly happy and carefree.  Anyway, thank you so much for your thoughtful insight.  I am going to look for a therapist that does CBT.  If we did decide to evaluate him for ASD would I just go through our pediatrician?

Anyway, if you made it through this jumble of thoughts and emotions, thank you!  Does anyone have any advice?  Any kids who have been through this?  Its just heart wrenching bc you can see the struggle in him when he wants to do something but just can't.

marchbaby

Thank you everyone, you are right we probably do try to protect him too much.  He had hearing loss as a baby and has a speech delay so we have "talked" a lot FOR him and probably baby him too much.  My oldest son has always just been so easy, he is confident and happy and very carefree and easy going.  Its almost made it easy to baby my younger son.  I have been getting better about not avoiding situations where I think he will have trouble, such as birthday parties, certain outings etc. He always WANTS to go to these things, its just he has trouble once we get there.  Like with sports, he wants to play all these sports, but just can't seem to pull it together.   

marchbaby

-auntie- said:

marchbaby said:

-auntie- said:

marchbaby said:

My son is 7 years old and has been struggling with anxiety.  He has made improvements but still has a long way to go.  School is definitely hard for him, his teacher has been great and gives him a free pass when he isn't comfortable doing something or answering a question. 

It's not great if the teacher is lowering the bar for him. That's the no confidence vote that tells a bright anxious kid that the grownups around him don't believe he has the potential to master what's harder for him. It can lead to a kid who isn't very resilient and doesn't develop stamina around tasks which require some tenacity.
I hadn't thought about it that way.  The reasoning behind it was if forced to do something he is uncomfortable with he will shut down completely and it can take awhile to get him back.  If he can just pass he will get on with his day. 

Well, it's certainly easier for the teachers if he doesn't have a meltdown, and it's cheaper for the school district if they don't evaluate him and put services in place to help him learn to be OK in these situations. 

What are the teachers saying? Or are you in a private or parochial school where they tend not to have the same degree of qualifications around kids with differences and don't want a seat to fly empty?

He goes to a public school.  I have heard that schools don't like to test kids b/c it costs them money if they have to provide services, however they did test my older son positive for ADD (prior to the anemia diagnosis).  I was talking to a pediatrician about two years ago and he told me his top two picks for special needs children and it just so happens our school is one of them (he didn't know where we lived).  I think his teacher is willing to do what we ask of her.  She has spoken with his therapist, and also brought him up to another therapist who was visiting the school. They had a panel discussion about how to help him but the outcome was they wanted the adjustment counselor to pull him out of class every week.  She kept talking about how she was going to have him do checklists etc and both myself and his teacher thought it was not going to help, and in fact would make it worse pulling him out of class.  The adjustment counselor means well but i've met with her in the past and quite frankly I don't think she "gets" my son at all and wants to place him in a mold.  

 

 He has some good friends who are very patient with him (though I fear as they get older they are going to get tired of the high maintenance he requires).  They know he hates to lose so they always let him win (which I don't entirely agree with, but its sweet they don't like to see him upset.) 

It's great that he has friends. Are they girls? This sort of mother hen indulgent behavior is typical of girls and can mask difficulties in certain peers until they outgrow this stage in late 3rd grade or so.

While the girls in his class can definitely be "mother hennish" he has a few really good boy friends as well.  One in particular seems to really understand my son and I have seen him snap my son out of a near break down by doing something funny to make him laugh.  He seems to know when my son needs help.  He has also expressed concern to me when my son has a breakdown and asked if he could see him to make sure he was okay (very sweet little boy).  He has a handful of other boy friends as well.

That's great that he has a mix of friends looking out for him. One concern is that typical kids are hardwired for conformity starting in the later tween years. We saw the start of this group think and wariness around kids who didn't behave in the expected manner of their tribe starting at the end of 3rd/4th grade. The social world of this age group is much more sophisticated and complex than that of the primary grades.
This is my fear...

 He is a perfectionist and unless he can do something perfectly the first time he doesn't want to try.  Once in awhile he still has a day where he has to be carried into school.  Recently they had poetry day at school and he curled up in a ball and covered his head for the whole thing.  After it was over I had to carry him out of the room and he was grunting and wouldn't talk for a good 1/2 hour after the event.  Its like his whole body just shuts down.  Other parents keep telling me they felt so bad for him, and I start crying every time its brought up. 

Was this anxiety over the poetry or was this more of a reaction to a nonpreferred activity behavior?

The poetry thing was probably b/c all the parents were piled into the class and they were expected to recite two group poems and an individual poem.  I totally didn't think he would be able to do it but we decided to try.  A few months ago they had all the parents come into the class to look at a book report each student had done and he surprised everyone by doing great, I was hoping he would surprise me again.  He hates being the center of attention, even saying something like "i like your haircut" can upset him. 

My DS, 20, has Aspergers (ASD), ADHD and GAD. This sounds a lot like him at that age. I recall a Grandparents Day where he was required to participate in a lower school chorus. The room was crowded, he hates people singing off key and he thought the music selections were "stupid". (I agree on the last point, btw) He came as close to a meltdown that day as he ever has in his life. He stood their glowering at the Head of School until his teacher rescued him and put him in her lap. I never made him sing in an optional performance. It's weird though, he was fine with performing in uniform with his marching band or even with scouts. I think the uni gave him a cover that made him feel as if he blended in.
I did think at one point that might be why he likes hockey, he is completely in armor and has a mask.  However, we tried lacrosse this year which also involves armour and a mask and that didn't fly.  I absolutely will not require him to do any voluntary performances!  I am actually surprised he has done well with music class.  My older son has the same music teacher and has had problems b/c she requires them to sing their names solo each class and is pretty inflexible.  And my older son has no anxiety/self esteem problems etc.

He loves playing sports but most of the time the anxiety gets in the way.  We finally found a sport he can do and loves (after signing him up for and dropping out of several) but has a hard time getting through a practice.  If they ask him to try something new he gets upset.  If he makes a mistake, he gets upset.  If someone else cheats (like they don't skate around the cone) he gets upset.  When he gets upset he will often either fall to the ground and cover his head or skate off to the side and won't participate.  He has always done well with games though, and loves it.  Today he is starting a clinic and he is really nervous about it and both my husband and myself are dreading it.  Its a clinic that is only games, no practices, so he should love it but he has worked it up so much in his head that i'm not sure how its going to go.  Its so hard to see him so upset and we have no idea what to do. 

A few other things that have happened recently:  I brought him to a birthday party and there was a dunk tank.  He really wanted to go into it, though I had my concerns.  He got halfway up the ladder and started shutting down.  He got mostly onto the seat but he started grunting and wasn't able to talk.  The other kids were great, giving him time and encouraging him but i finally had to pull him off.  He gets so upset b/c he wants to do these things but can't.  He was also supposed to go to a banquet last weekend to get a trophy.  He really wanted to go and then right before we were supposed to go he changed his mind and shut down. He was also supposed to start a new sport that he really wanted to do but at the first two practices he shut down and left the field so I ended up pulling him from the program.  I am so sad that he is missing out on stuff he loves b/c of this. 

He recently started seeing a therapist, but that will take awhile for us to notice any difference.  He seems open to it working, going as far as to tell me "I need to see my therapist more b/c it isn't working yet."  If anything I think its made him more aware that he is different and thats upsetting him as well.  

What background does the therapist have? Are they doing CBT? Has anyone evaluated your son to R/O an ASD? A lot of this behavior is classic ASD/Aspergers type. The perfectionist streak, the anxiety, the need to be the rule police when other kids do the wrong thing.

I don't believe she is doing CBT but to be honest I don't really know much about that.She came recommended by two people whose children had been to her for anxiety, but my sons anxiety is much more severe then their children. I will look into CBT as well.  

CBT is the gold standard for anxiety. If she's just talking about his feelings, you probably won't see much of a response to the level of anxiety you are seeing. JMHO, I'm not anti-meds, but I wouldn't do them without therapy. 

The other piece is that he may not "get" that other kids have thoughts and opinions about how he behaves and that it is going to be increasingly unfavorable. If he's not being bullied and teased yet, he will be. A Social Thinking curriculum might help him regulate his behavior around his anxiety in a less stigmatizing manner.

I am going to have my husband talk to the therapist tomorrow and see what methods she is using.  My husbands therapist does CBT, but I will likely ask our pediatrician for a recommendation.

 He has not been evaluated.  When he was in preschool our pediatrician mentioned we might want to consider evaluating him if he didn't show improvement.  We decided to wait a few months while we were dealing with my older son (who was just diagnosed with ADD and was having absence seizures.).  We were doing testing my older son (who,it turns out was just severely anemic, some iron and all ADD symptoms and absence seizures disappeared).    Anyway, during that time period my younger sons anxiety started to improve.  He has improved every year since preschool so we figured he was heading in the right direction, and at first we thought it was just him being shy, a momma's boy etc.  Its been the second half of this year that we are noticing more problems.  But it could also be that he is being put in more situations that bring out his anxiety the older he gets.  And as he gets older they become more obvious. 

Often it's a matter of his behavior looks shy at 4, immature at 6 and "what's up with that kid?" at 8. What happens is that a child does improve, but not at the rate peers do and he falls further behind them in terms of his social and emotional skills.

One problem is that when anxiety is un-checked, it gets worse. Accommodating and waiting for things to improve with time, allows the anxiety to increase and makes dealing with it harder.

I have been thinking the past two days and I think i'm inadvertantly making things worse.  When we are going to do something new, whether its a sport, event, activity etc I always make sure I ask him a few times if he's sure he wants to do it.  An example would be when he was at the birthday party and wanted to go in the dunk tank.  Had it been my older son I would have just said, sure go ahead.  With my younger son I asked him a few times, pointed out he would go underwater etc. I did so b/c I didn't want him getting embarrassed or upset if he tried but couldn't do it.  But in reality I think I am not only showing him I doubt his ability but also pointing out all the scary things that could happen, thus making his anxiety worse.  Knowing that, he had a hockey game last night and tonight with all new kids, many who are two to three years older and more experienced.  I didn't bring it up all day so he wouldn't start worrying and thinking about it early.  I didn't give him a "don't get upset" lecture like I usually do before he plays, I just let him go.  And he did great!  In an effort to shield him from embarrassment or stress I think i'm making things worse

My husband has anxiety and depression and its so hard.  I feel like it might be time to medicate him, my husband is afraid of the side effects.  I just worry he is not completely happy and is missing out on things.  Every event I go to that has kids participating and having fun and my child is curled up in a ball on the floor it gets harder and harder for me to handle.  

Yeah, that part definitely sucks. BTDT. It's awful and it gets worse as they get older and this behavior becomes more stigmatizing. 

I hear you on wanting your DS to be happy. You probably don't want to hear this, but one of the best gifts DS's psychologist gave be was a release from the responsibility of making my kid happy or bolstering his self esteem. Turns out it wasn't my job. It sounds like you and your DH are practically jumping through hoops to make your kid happy and getting nowhere with it. Your DS needs to conquer what's holding him back- to a large degree he's the one who has to do the heavy lifting on this- before he kind find his zen.

I can appreciate your DH's thoughts on side effects. Anxiety is treated with SRRIs and they are a bitch. Not all members of this class of drugs will be effective for every one. They take weeks to trial and can not be stopped abruptly- an SSRI trial can take 6-8 weeks- fail- and have you back to the drawing board with a new med. It's great when you hit the right drug, but you might be better served to see what you get from therapy alone assuming you're doing CBT. If it's just generic talk therapy, it might not get to a point where he's doing better. Does the therapist give you guys homework to do between appointments? When we did CBT, his psych gave us both a laundry list of things to work on each week. We did add an SSRI when DS was about 8 after a year of CBT and switching him to a better school.
We have not gotten any homework thus far from his therapist. Yes, we probably are jumping through hoops for him. My husband is on several different anxiety, depression and ADD medications.  We have seen the struggle of trying to balance the right medications etc., its so hard.  I will admit, my husband told the therapist that his worst fear is that my son would end up like him, and I burst into tears.  It is so hard to deal with so we do everything we can to make him happy and pave his way. 

These things are related; there's a lot of overlap between anxiety, depression, mood disorders, ADHD, ASD, seizures, tics, SPD. They run in families. This must be awful for your DH to watch your DS deal with many of the same issues he does. 

https://healthland.time.com/2013/08/12/common-genetic-ground-found-for-depression-schizophrenia-autism/

It's great that your older son's issues were a result of anemia. It's sort of odd for a kid who eats a decent diet to be anemic. Does he eat a limited diet/picky eater?
It is very hard to see my son showing similar symptoms that my husband has.  At his worst he couldn't leave the house and would sleep all day.  It took a huge toll on our relationship.
My sons diet actually isn't that bad.  He eats red meat, spinach etc.  Even on an iron supplement he runs low.  The pediatrician said some people just don't absorb iron and he is one of them.  I just had my younger son tested and he is anemic as well.  So we just started iron with him.  I will be getting tested this week just to rule out genetics.  But seriously, when we stop the iron all his ADD symptoms come back. We restart the iron and they all go away.  It will likely be something he needs to stay on his entire life. 
Tonight he had his first hockey game in over a month.  He was nervous going out, especially when he found out he was the youngest on the team by about 2 years.  But he was awesome out there.  He played well, but more then that he was happy and confident.  Once he got off the ice that uncertainty returned immediately, he wouldn't talk to anyone etc.  I just love seeing him so free and happy, I had tears in my eyes watching him.  I also don't know if this is a coincidence or not but he has developed an eye twitch over the past month, I read online it could be anxiety related and his therapist agreed.  Tonight after his game he told me his eyes feel better and he thinks its because he "saw the ice again."  I think its the first time since hockey ended a month ago that he was truly happy and carefree.  Anyway, thank you so much for your thoughtful insight.  I am going to look for a therapist that does CBT.  If we did decide to evaluate him for ASD would I just go through our pediatrician?

When you say eye "twitch" are you seeing a tic or a spasm? Both do ramp up with stress/anxiety. But he's just about the age when tics reveal themselves. Tics are often comorbid with these sorts of issues. Sometimes they start as a simple blink or muscle movement, but can become more obvious and include vocalizations, coughs, throat clearing. 

If it's a spasm type twitch, adding calcium and/or taking Epsom salts baths may help. Or not. If it's a tic, they won't. Sometimes tics get worse when a child has been ill, especially after an infection.
He kind of winks one eye and then the other, but its a deep blink.  He says his eyes hurt sometimes.  I am going to make an appt with an eye doctor to rule out any issues.  he doesn't make any noises while he does it and i haven't really been able to determine if he does it worse when stressed out or not.  I did see him do it on the ice tonight, which tends to be where he is happiest .  Though thats not to say he's not stressed when hes out there as well, even though he loves it.  Would an eye doctor be able to determine if its a tic or spasm? Anyway, if you made it through this jumble of thoughts and emotions, thank you!  Does anyone have any advice?  Any kids who have been through this?  Its just heart wrenching bc you can see the struggle in him when he wants to do something but just can't.

If you are in the US, you can ask your public school district to evaluate him for all areas of suspected disability. This has to be done in writing. You can find templates at www.wrightslaw.com

You should also have him evaluated privately, especially if you are considering medication. At 7, you could do either a neuropsych eval with a clinical psychologist or a developmental pediatric eval. When DS was dx'd, at about the age your son is now, we did both. Your pediatrician can likely refer you to the best person in your area.

Good luck.
Thank you so much again!  I am going to show all this to my husband and we can make a plan. 

meo34

Hi There, popping in as a lurker as I am usually on the OAD board.  My son has been recently diagnosed with OCD/GAD so I am pretty new so this is from my limited experience only.

 

We started trying to address his issues 2 yrs ago.  This year we got to a point with the therapist where she said it was beyond her scope of expertise or qualifications and that we needed to get a diagnosis by a pysch professional.  I think a good therapist should tell you this.  General talk therapy is not effective for many anxiety disorders.  As far as I know the clinical diagnosis has to be done by a psychologist or psychiatrist.  The school did not initiate any help in this regard.  We had to push with or GP and the children's hospital to get this done.  We also paid for a private assessment for a second opinion.  You have to be an advocate for your child and get informed as much as possible.  It seems like you are really trying to do this for your son and kudos to you but you may need to take it to the next level.

Once diagnosed you have various treatment options.  Again based on my experience only, if your child is doing CBT it should be an informed decision based on the diagnoses, as it modified depending on the disorder and may not be appropriate for some disorders.  So it was clearly laid out and explained to us what it entailed and what they were doing. It was very very different than general talk therapy  and talking about feelings.  So if your son is doing it you should know he is doing it.  I found talk therapy very much guided by what the child wants and asks them how they think they can address their feelings.  A softer approach I guess.  CBT is much more direct and challenges the child and parents and it is actual work for the child and parents.  He has worksheets and exercises to do at home and so do we. 

As part of his treatment plan we were advised medication was necessary, again a formal diagnoses is key in determining what is the best approach.  For us CBT could not be fully engaged in by him without medication.  In the long term we hope CBT will give him the coping skills he needs to get through times when the medication stops working or is less effective or as he grows older and has more impulse control he may be able to stop medication.  So far we have not seen any side effects, fingers crossed.

 

So to go on but your post really struck a cord with me and what we have been through and I really hope you get the help for your son you need.  I have been there and am still there, questioning my actions and I make mistakes, that is ok but professionals have helped direct me and give me the tools I needed.  It has been a challenge but I am getting better.  Anxiety disorders are very complex and have many forms but from what I have read there are many effective treatments but you need the guidance from professionals and be informed about your choices.  Early treatment also means more effective treatment so seeing it at a young age is not a bad thing, it means you are being a proactive parent. Would love to talk more as I am sure we are going through similar struggles!