Small talk is killing me.

KingLED

I'm currently stranded in CO and staying in a small town hotel. Every morning at breakfast people start talking to me and without fail at some point talk about their kids or grandkids and ask me how many kids I have or how old my kids are. Always. I've tried to answer this in different ways, but all seem equally shitty.

If I just do a blanket "I don't have kids" people assume I don't want them and tell me how lucky I am and usually continue to complain about their own.

If I tell them I am unable to have kids I get the awesome pitty face, an awkward apology, and the quick end to all future interaction. Maybe the best? But it makes me feel sad even when I thought I was doing okay.

I tried telling the couple that talked to me this morning that I was hoping to one day, which was true to some extent but still felt like a lie. But I couldn't handle being told how lucky I was or being pittied. That response got me well intended, but still annoying, comments about how great kids are and how I better not put it off too long and a story about the girls friend that waited until she was 30 (oh the horror) to try only to find out she had IF because she waited too long (I'm guessing this girl doesn't know what she's talking about now) and that poor girl is a mess and living with her mom because her husband left her? Long story short, I better have a baby soon or my life will fall apart and my friends will tell awful stories about how sad my life is because I can't/don't have kids.

Somehow that was even worse than the rest. I don't even know what to do. I don't want to just be an asshole all the time, but I can't stand that small talk inevitably goes to kids every time. Why does no one talk to me about the weather?!

How do you guys deal with this? Do you have a go to response? I'm having a really hard time with this and not telling people to fuck off just to avoid any chance of conversation.

KingLED

wickedsugar said:

I just say, due to medical issues, we don't have kids. But feel ya on being asked by strangers.

It's just so frustrating and I'm sure I'm probably just feeling worse about it than is normal (even for me) because of other fears. It just seems to be happening so often right now. I was really hoping this trip would give me some much needed time away from all mention of our childlessness and let me start accepting it, but being in so many situations where small talk is likely is making that a lot harder. Ugh. Sorry for the novel.

avioletsky

Now that I'm in the service industry I am having the same issue. I have tried multiple answers and all are complete failures. The same follow-up conversations occur. I know people are looking for commonalities to talk about... can they start with tv shows or books instead of kids!?!?!

KingLED

avioletsky said:

Now that I'm in the service industry I am having the same issue. I have tried multiple answers and all are complete failures. The same follow-up conversations occur. I know people are looking for commonalities to talk about... can they start with tv shows or books instead of kids!?!?!

Right? I'm sorry if this is a regular part of your life. I don't think I could handle that! I've been trying to think of a way to nicely inform them that asking about kids can be very hurtful, but I don't know that it would be worth it or if I could even have that conversation without tearing up.

mrsericawarren

I've gotten to the point where I just tell people I miscarried and we hope to have kids. It allows them to frame their response appropriately, and it allows me to own what happened - - I lost my child. People don't like to hear it, but its easier for me to be honest about it, and they at least have a chance to not say something insensitive because they are unaware that the whole world isn't divided into people who want kids and haven't started yet or people who dont want kids at all.