How did you decide to TTCAL? ***LO mentioned**

Olismom

I know everything is still very fresh for me but last night my husband and I were talking and he said he wanted to try again. My husband is extremely quite and doesn't express himself a lot. I had no idea he wanted to again or had even thought about it. It took me a long time to convince him last time so I was shocked really. But I think I agree with him and I want to try again. We have one son and we wanted him to have a sibling, I know he does and I miss my sweet angel but I want him to have a living sibling as well. How did y'all decide you wanted to try again? And when to do so?

ikrystal

Someone, and I'm not sure who it was, once said on this board that when the want outweighs the fear, then it is the right time to start to try again.  I believe that we will always be scared to try again, but we can't let that stand in the way when it is something we want so badly.  For us, it wasn't something that we necessarily put in the calendar, but rather we just knew when it felt right.  There was a time when we were going to go for it, but then changed our minds at the last minute.  When it is time, you'll know.  Best of luck.

Edited for grammar.

MCH77

I just turned 37, so we don't feel like we have a lot of time. I will be getting some testing done after my last loss. Than I know we will start trying again quickly.

It's a personal decision. Hope you find a plan you are comfortable with.

shandorfml2

We started trying right away because we were heartbroken and wanted a baby so badly. If I had actually taken time to grieve and put off Ttcal until we were emotionally ready it wold have probably been a year. I felt a big shift at the year mark

TeamWinForever

We also knew almost immediately that we want another child. For us, the biggest constraint has been the fact that I had a c section and physically am not cleared to try to ttc until November. At first that seemed like an unbearably long time to wait, and I thought about little else but wanting to ttc. But now that it's been a few months, I am glad that we have this built in time to grieve and to mentally prepare for another pregnancy. I agree that you will just know when the time is right.

jess123456

This is a great question and one that I think a lot of us struggle with. Having experienced multiple losses I have taken off anything from a year (after losing my daughter) to 5 or so months after earlier losses. We had lots of testing done and wanted to be sure that we had that done before but other than that I think for us we just knew when it felt right. Will the fear ever go away? Probably not but for us the desire to have a living child did outweigh the fear a bit once we decided to try. It was as though I wasn't totally consumed by my fear like I had been before. It's important to be on the same page as your husband and for us there were times when I was ready and he wasn't and visa versa. I liked giving myself a couple months to plan ahead mentally before trying again. It felt like less pressure that way if that makes sense.

lrichmond86

After our first loss we had to wait six months to start trying again for medical reasons. Once we were cleared we started trying right away. We wanted a baby so badly. Four cycles later I was pregnant with our daughter. It we a scary, stressful pregnancy with many ups and downs and more doctor appointments than I ever wanted. She was born in July healthy and beautiful. When she was four months old I got pregnant again. It was a surprise but we were very happy. I told my husband that it was going to be my last pregnancy, that I couldn't handle the stress of any more pregnancies. When we found out at 17 weeks that we had lost another angel, we talked about what we would do in the future. Ultimately we decided that we will not try again and have taken measures to prevent future pregnancies. For me it came down to the fact that I can't be the kind of mother I want to be for my daughter while I'm pregnant because of the anxiety. It would be selfish of me to take her mommy away from her for nine months so that I could get the chance at another baby. In my home i have one child n In my heart I have three children and that has to be enough for me. It's been hard for me to accept that, and really I haven't yet. It still breaks my heart that I'll never have those newborn moments with my babies again. But I know it's what's right for my family.

I'm sorry that any of us are in the position to have to make these choices. It's such a personal decision, I think you really have to think about what is right for you.

dadalou

We actually had this discussion in the hospital a few days after Nathaniel was born. We don't want DD to be an only child. I had a c section so we have to wait 6 months before getting pregnant again. At first that seemed so long. We are almost there. I still want another and want to get pregnant right away. I think it was good that we have to wait. It has allowed me to start to feel healthy again and have a break from being pregnant again. Being pregnant is really hard for me in the first place. This next time is going to be so much worse.

Olismom

Thank you all for your responses. This helps me a lot!! I go back to the dr a week from Tuesday and they did tons of testing so I know that will be one factor after talking to her and finding out all those answers. We want to try again for sure but may wait a few months. But we also need to decide if I will go back to work next year. I am a teacher but have been off a month and won't be going back. I can't decide what is best for next year.

luckyclover0922

We knew we wanted to TTC immediately. My OB and MFM gave us the OK for TTC after PP bleeding stopped so once it did we started trying. We do not have any other children so our hopes and dreams remained the same when we left the hospital without our son.... we still wanted a baby. Sometimes I feel bad for wanting to try for another baby (basically about how others will view it) so soon after losing our son, but I know he is up in Heaven praying for us that we get our rainbow. I ovulated on Mothers Day so I am just hoping our little Christopher is going to send us a present from Heaven in the next few days I agree with PP that once your need to conceive again is stronger than your fear to - you will know its time. Good luck to you

stefuge

We were told we had to wait at least 6 months because I had a c section, and my doctor has since recommended we wait a full year so that my body can fully recover and just to be extra cautious. We have both been grateful for this time, it has made us really focus more on grieving and processing our loss the best we can. I know the first few months after our loss I was all over the place about trying again - at first I wanted to try right away and then I went back to not wanting to try at all and back and forth. So, again having to wait this full year has been good for us - we needed this time to grieve for Colton and to really be sure that we want another baby and not just a replacement for Colton. I think this decision is different for everyone, and whatever you decide will be right for you.

JellicalParker

My husband and I have decided to keep trying. I really want to be able to have a house full of kids with my husband. I'm currently waiting for my first cycle to come and go. Although, my husband in conjunction with my doctor will really be the ones to decide when we try again. Especially since my midwife and my doctor both gave us different time frames for when we should start trying again. One said immediately after my first AF and the other said to wait at least 3 cycles. I think it depends on what you all are comfortable with and what your doctors recommend. Listen to your heart to, it will tell you.

OSUWifey09

***SIGGY***

As others said, it's a very personal choice, and everyone will handle that question differently. I know you will do what you feel is best for you!

I wanted to try again immediately, but I was benched for three months. After our first cycle was a big fat fail, I forced myself to take time away to regroup, The emotional toll of getting a BFN was too much for me. I went on BCP to regulate my cycles, started running and started seeing a counselor. I finally felt ready last April - counseling was going great, I'd dropped 10 pounds, and the BCP had helped. We waited one cycle post BCP before trying, and we were pregnant that cycle. Our rainbow was born in January.

I knew I had to be mentally tough to handle a pregnancy after a loss, and there were many days where I just sat in my room and cried due to worry and fear. We had a few complications that made things difficult, and that was really hard to deal with some days...but I got great care, had a great OB, and I would do it again in heartbeat. When you go into a rainbow pregnancy, you have a whole new set of fears you never had before. It will not be easy. I do truly believe that when you feel like you're ready to handle whatever another pregnancy can throw at you, when you feel the desire to add to your family instead of replace, you will be ready. Some people take a few weeks; others, like me, take nine months. You will know, and we will be here to support you.

Olismom

@OSUWifey09‌ thank you for your response. While reading your response I smiled when I read about your rainbow....it has been hard to hear about other people's pregnancy and it seems like every where I go there are pregnant women but reading about yours made me smile which also makes me feel like I have gotten to a different place if that makes sense. My husband said he wants to wait 2-3 months which is fine with me. Like you I am hoping to lose some weight before we do this again. I'm no where near where I would like to be in the weight department so a few months to drop a few pounds will help with my self esteem and the health of the next pregnancy so I think it's good timing.

hsabyan

We discussed another baby while we were still hoping that Georgia would make it.  We were realistic that with her heart defect that there was a strong possibility that she wouldn't be able to come home, but we agreed that we both want to have more than one child.  After she passed, we talked more in depth about our desire to have another baby.  We both expressed guilt that we would be viewed as "replacing" the baby we lost.  We both know in our hearts that Georgia was one of a kind.  No other baby will replace her, and we will raise any future children knowing that they have a sister that is an angel.  

I had prepared myself for motherhood.  I spent days planning and decorating a nursery, washing and separating clothes by size, packing her room with all the necessities. Georgia never got to come home and use any of these things that we had prepared for her.  I never got to rock her in the chair we put in the room.  She never slept in the crib.  I still have baby shampoos and lotions on a shelf in the bathroom with a rubber ducky that tells if the water is too hot.  I have no other children.  I am a mother, but I never got to learn how to do the everyday parental tasks.  

I don't want to replace her, but I do want to have a baby that I can take home and keep.  We would get pregnant now if we could, but due to an unplanned C section, we've been told to wait a year.  It took us almost a year to get pregnant the first time, so it seems like forever to be without our rainbow baby.  We've decided that we will wait 7 months until we stop preventing a pregnancy- unless our life situation changes and we need to wait longer.  (I'm not going against doctor's orders, they said wait at least 6 months- but a year would be ideal).  At 30 years old, I don't want to miss on our chance to build a family. 

stefuge

@hsabyan‌ - I just wanted to comment on your post - I also had a c section with Colton and our doctor also told us to wait a minimum 6 months to start trying, and also encouraged us to wait a year, just in case. The year wait wasn't as strict, more of a "just to be safe" type thing, so like you said, I don't feel we have to wait that long if we don't want to. I have read though that waiting at least 9 months (so 18 months between c sections) is a good idea and fairly common advice. We also don't know if we will wait a full year, but I feel like the advice to wait at least 9 months is a good compromise. Just wanted to share what I have heard/read. It is so hard to wait and such a big decision to try again!

lexusolsen

@stefuge‌ my dr said the same thing.