tacky? having guests address their own TY notes.

Katelobster

Has anyone ever been to a shower where the hostess hands out thank-you note envelopes to the guests, has them write their name and address on them, and gives them to the mom-to-be/bride-to-be so she doesn't have to do it herself when she writes the TY notes? Do you think this is tacky?

I'm co-hosting a shower and my fellow hostess insists this is normal. I am sure it's not the worst etiquette breech out there, but IDK, it just seems like one step above having the guests write their own thank-you notes.

marathonmommy82

Tacky. I've done it at showers but I don't like it. If people are buying you a present -- take the time to address the TY yourself .

Also it's ... Weird to get an envelope in the mail addressed to you in your handwriting .

MMason12

As a guest I had to address my own envelope at one baby shower I attend. I honestly thought it was insanely tacky. I spent time picking out a gift and card for the MTB/BTB you cannot tell me they are unable to address am envelope themself.

Plus a few weeks later when the envelope came in the mail I was wondering what they hell I mailed myself until I opened it.

VOR

I wouldn't do this personally, but it's not my hill to die on either.

Disneygeek77

Writing addresses doesn't take all that long.  We're talking what, 30 seconds ?

Do what you can to stand your ground on this one.

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Katelobster

thanks. It helps to hear that I'm not just a jerk for not wanting to 'help' the mom-to-be with TY notes!

sandrabrooke

Yes tacky.  Totally.  I hate people who do that.   

normandyn7

Ugh I hate when I have to do this. I wrote out the addresses for my thank you notes. Not that hard.

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PrimRoseMama

No. If you want to make sure you get the addresses correctly then you can double check with each guest as they arrive.

BC&LM

I've been to showers where it was done, and I feel it's super tacky. They did it at one of my in-laws' showers, and she said to me, "This is awesome; you should do it at yours." I told her no; I prefer to address my own. If my host had tried this, I would have said something to stop it. (Unfortunately, my host did do books instead of cards, but I didn't know until it was too late or I would have put the kibosh on that too.)

ETA: Hit post too soon

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ccam

Tacky!!

MMason12

I am going to follow up my post with -- if my hosts did do this at my shower.....  I would throw away the envelopes and send my thank you notes in ones that I addressed myself. 

Lrtle23

All of my baby-making friends are in their mid-late 20s, and very few of them own houses-- the rest of us are still in apartments and moving around every year or so. E-vites are the norm for bridal and baby showers. It's much easier to send invites from an email contact list than to track each of the guests down before the shower to find out their current address to send the invite, and then expecting the guest of honor to do the same thing in order to send out thank-you notes. 

So I guess I don't see what the big deal is about having guests take 30 seconds to write on an envelope when they walk in, since they know their own address. At least in my own social circle, it makes a lot of sense (and none of us are easily offended by lack of proper etiquette). It also makes it more likely that you'll get a thank-you note at all. 

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Lrtle23

That's true, most of the showers I'm going to are thrown by friends for friends. There are usually separate showers thrown by and for family, and they probably do things more traditionally. I'm sure my friends will do it differently in a few years when we're more settled down and have more permanent addresses. 

You're right, it's not that difficult to track down addresses, just an extra step when everyone receiving a thank-you note will be there in person anyway. Everyone collects mailing addresses to send out wedding invites and thank-yous, so it can be done. It's just a pain, as I recall from my wedding. 

If the invites are being sent out in the mail in the first place, then the hostess will already have the addresses by the time of the shower. The best solution is probably to provide the mama with a list of addresses so she doesn't have to collect them herself, and nobody is offended by being asked to write out their own envelope.  

Lrtle23

I always just thought of it as a convenience for the mom-to-be, rather than an inconvenience for guests. If it's her special day, I'm not offended by writing on an envelope to make her life a little easier. I showed up with a gift because I want to celebrate her and the baby, not because I wanted recognition for spending $30 and 2 hours of my time. I imagine if someone refused to write out an envelope or just forgot to write one, the gift recipient would ask for their address later as she was writing the notes. 

Just offering a differing opinion. Again, most of my friends are 20-somethings having their first kids, and are into e-vites and convenient envelopes. 

Lrtle23

Nope, I never said writing addresses while pregnant was a physical hardship. I didn't say anything about finding the strength to do it. I just said it's an inconvenience to track people down after the shower and ask them their address if you don't already have it. It's obviously not difficult to write an address on an envelope, but it can be a pain (or at the very least, unnecessary work) to get ahold of all the party attendees after they leave the party. 

I also suggested that the host could give the guest of honor a list of addresses, since she would presumably have them on hand from sending out paper invites, negating the whole issue. See? We agree. 

vterp

Lrtle23 said:

Nope, I never said writing addresses while pregnant was a physical hardship. I didn't say anything about finding the strength to do it. I just said it's an inconvenience to track people down after the shower and ask them their address if you don't already have it. It's obviously not difficult to write an address on an envelope, but it can be a pain (or at the very least, unnecessary work) to get ahold of all the party attendees after they leave the party. 

I also suggested that the host could give the guest of honor a list of addresses, since she would presumably have them on hand from sending out paper invites, negating the whole issue. See? We agree. 

I think there is also an assumption that since a shower includes your nearest and dearest, you would already have their addresses or it would not be a big deal to get them.  It's not like a wedding where your Mom insists that all of your Dad's cousins and their kids need to be invited.  It's presumably a much smaller circle being included and getting any addresses you may not already have shouldn't be difficult.

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LucilleAustero

Honestly, it does not bother me to address an envelope when I am at a shower. I think it is tacky, but it ranks low for me on the tackiness scale. But, if I was a co-hostess and this came up? No way.

sschwege

I've never seen it done, only read about it on here.  Tacky, though I've seen worse.  

sschwege

VIPRoss said:

Lrtle23 said:

Nope, I never said writing addresses while pregnant was a physical hardship. I didn't say anything about finding the strength to do it. I just said it's an inconvenience to track people down after the shower and ask them their address if you don't already have it. It's obviously not difficult to write an address on an envelope, but it can be a pain (or at the very least, unnecessary work) to get ahold of all the party attendees after they leave the party. 

I also suggested that the host could give the guest of honor a list of addresses, since she would presumably have them on hand from sending out paper invites, negating the whole issue. See? We agree. 

I think there is also an assumption that since a shower includes your nearest and dearest, you would already have their addresses or it would not be a big deal to get them.  It's not like a wedding where your Mom insists that all of your Dad's cousins and their kids need to be invited.  It's presumably a much smaller circle being included and getting any addresses you may not already have shouldn't be difficult.

That's why I don't get why people feel the need to do this!

MMason12

Lrtle23 said:

I always just thought of it as a convenience for the mom-to-be, rather than an inconvenience for guests. If it's her special day, I'm not offended by writing on an envelope to make her life a little easier. I showed up with a gift because I want to celebrate her and the baby, not because I wanted recognition for spending $30 and 2 hours of my time. I imagine if someone refused to write out an envelope or just forgot to write one, the gift recipient would ask for their address later as she was writing the notes. 

Just offering a differing opinion. Again, most of my friends are 20-somethings having their first kids, and are into e-vites and convenient envelopes. 

I am a "20-something" having my first child and I think e-invites to showers and weddings are extremely rude and classless. I also think making your guests fill out their own thank you envelopes because you do not have 30 seconds to do it yourself is also classless. Also, if a 20-something just can't thank someone because they didn't fill out an envelope that's also classless.

Then again, growing up my parents made me read manner and etiquette books. Something more people should make their children do.

Don't use "because they are in their 20's" as an excuse for rudeness.

debikae

I attended one shower that was way tackier than this.  As we left the shower, the MTB handed us an envelope.  In it was a thank you note -- the front of the note said "Thank you..." you opened it up and she had scrawled "...so much for the gift."  I was appalled. 

Lrtle23

I give up. I'm wrong. We all come from different backgrounds and have different circles of friends, so my justifications aren't going to get anywhere if they clearly aren't being understood. OP asked a question and got a clear consensus from the group. Moving on before someone gets a nosebleed. 

Meery82

debikae said:

I attended one shower that was way tackier than this.  As we left the shower, the MTB handed us an envelope.  In it was a thank you note -- the front of the note said "Thank you..." you opened it up and she had scrawled "...so much for the gift."  I was appalled. 

Ugh.

rockopera

Tacky and lazy.

Um, if you're so email/message focused that you don't have addresses, how effing hard is it to send a message that says "quick question - what is your address?" OMG - sooooo inconvenient to use the technology that you are defending as being the only one you use and appropriate for everything.

I had one shower that I'm pretty sure was evite/Facebook event. It was a surprise shower with friends that I didn't have addresses for. So you know what I did? I asked for addresses before people left or I texted/emailed/messaged them.

If minor inconvenience is keeping someone from a proper personal thank you, they suck.

BC&LM

Lrtle23 said:

Nope, I never said writing addresses while pregnant was a physical hardship. I didn't say anything about finding the strength to do it. I just said it's an inconvenience to track people down after the shower and ask them their address if you don't already have it. It's obviously not difficult to write an address on an envelope, but it can be a pain (or at the very least, unnecessary work) to get ahold of all the party attendees after they leave the party. 

I also suggested that the host could give the guest of honor a list of addresses, since she would presumably have them on hand from sending out paper invites, negating the whole issue. See? We agree. 

If they are close enough to come to your shower, why the hell wouldn't you have their address already?

cpfanner

Funny, cause if i had to do it at someone elses shower, i would think it was tacky. But it seriously crossed my mind at my shower. Don't get me wrong i did do them!! But it was the last thing i wanted to do at 36 weeks. As a friend though im going to your shower because i love you and want to celebrate, i REALLY don't care if i don't get a thank you card.

gallifreygirl

I've never considered it to be tacky, but then every baby shower I've gone to for the past 4+ years has done it so it could just be that I'm used to it. Most showers I've gone to then use the envelopes to do a prize drawing at the end of the party, I've also never felt like I had to fill one out the envelopes were just there if I wanted to.

Though I did go to one shower where the cards had accidentally been left in the envelopes and when MTB got around to writing the cards she realized that a couple of the guests had already written ones to themselves, along the lines of you are my favorite and I loved your gift more than anyone else's.

Katelobster

epilogue from the OP:

I was in charge of invitations, so I ended up making address labels and printing a second set to give to the mom-to-be for her TY notes. Problem solved!

runningmama22

Tacky. 

mommy5point0

Absolutely horrid. I have asked hostesses of my showers specifically not to do this and not to hold raffles.

An IL who I have given gifts for engagement, bridal shower, wedding, baby shower AND baby's birthday has done this wretched practice at EVERY event. I have NEVER gotten that thank you back, which makes it even worse. I have stopped putting much thought or $ into gifts because of how entitled and ungrateful she comes across.

RibbitGrl930

It's not as high on my "Tacky" list as throwing your own shower or having a display shower, but I do find it rude. Would I refuse to do it for a friend? No...but it would irritate me a bit, granted, I have close friends whose addresses i don't have; for example, one of my friends used to live with her parents and recently moved in with her boyfriend; I haven't been to their place yet and don't have their address. However, it doesn't take but a second to text or Facebook her to ask "What's your address?"

rae76

Handwritten thank you envelopes always remind me of getting PAP results at my OB/Gyn's office.  They always had us address our own pink envelope to mail the results in, so anytime I see an envelope that I've addressed myself that's the first thing I think of.

526SadieSadie

It's so tacky my fingers are sticking to the keys of my laptop as I write this.