Faith Friday

schulme2

“You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand” (Psalm 16:11).

Have you found a sense of joy return since your loss?

What brought you the most joy before your loss?

What brings you joy now?

Any new struggles/revelations this week?

LyndseyTS

Have you found a sense of joy return since your loss? I feel joy, I guess. I feel like DH and I are being bombarded by "big" life circumstances over and over again. It would be one thing to deal with recurring things that are the same (which really is enough anyway), but with everything just compounding, I'm having a tough time with joy these days. What brought you the most joy before your loss? This sounds silly, likely, but I don't really remember. Relationships, likely, especially my relationship with my DH. What brings you joy now? I'm trying to focus on the little things (like seeing a friend before he dies, trying to focus on test results not necessarily being cancer, the sun shining, etc.) and remember that even small things can bring joy. Any new struggles/revelations this week? Going in for more testing (more on that in the Retained Placenta thread if you're interested) which has been a huge huge struggle. I feel like I need a break in the clouds and it's nowhere in sight. I'm not ready to deal with whatever this could be. I'm really just not. Here's hoping the tests are just precautionary and turn up anything terrible.

stefuge

****DS mentioned****


Have you found a sense of joy return since your loss? At times.

What brought you the most joy before your loss? My family - my husband, my son. Good memories with friends and family.

What brings you joy now? I feel like all the same things, and I feel like I have a deeper appreciation for them and those relationships.

Any new struggles/revelations this week? I have been really down the past couple of weeks. I felt like it had been weeks, maybe longer, since I had cried, and then all of a sudden I have just been sucked into this depression again. It started before Mother's Day and I thought it would get better once that was passed, but not yet. Add to that I haven't been sleeping well lately, and I am just incredibly grumpy. Praying this passes.

schulme2

@LyndseyTS‌ & @stefuge‌ I am so sorry you both are having a tough time right now. Must be something in the water... I feel like I was doing pretty well for a little while but now I'm back to really struggling.

Have you found a sense of joy return since your loss? At times I have. In small spurts, I've started to recognize little glimmers of joy.

What brought you the most joy before your loss? Really lots of things. Everything... My family, my work, stupid little things...a good deal, a nice vacation.

What brings you joy now? Really, primarily my son. The meaningless things that I used to find joy in I don't anymore.

Any new struggles/revelations this week? A lot... I just feel like if God was breaking me down so he could rebuild me...ok, let's start the rebuilding now. I just feel like such a shell of myself, not even myself I don't care that I'm not "myself" anymore. I am just a shell of a human being now. This continued struggle to TTC again is just like another slap in the face.

LyndseyTS

@stefuge I can relate. Sorry that you're feeling the same way. Thinking of both of you @schulme2‌ I hear you on the rebuilding part. I just feel "done" with the negative. I know it's not my choice to make, but I'm not sure how much more I'm able to handle (/drama queen). I hope that TTC gets better and less stressful, though I know it will never be the same.