Pretty Down

Klavanga74

It must be something in the air right now because I see I'm not the only one struggling.  I'm having such a hard time these days accepting the reality of this pregnancy.  I'm not excited at all.  My DH keeps talking about names and I don't want to pick one.  I don't want to buy anything, I don't want to think about changing the guest room into a nursery.  I'm just not interested in any of it.  I don't want our lives to change one iota and I don't have a choice.  I'm feeling resentful about things I can't do because I'm pregnant and the things we won't be able to do for the next few years because there's a baby in the house.  This wasn't a total surprise for us.  We'd talked about it, but quite honestly, I wanted someone to hand me a 5-year-old.  We literally left it up to chance one single time and I got pregnant.  And I feel horribly guilty for even feeling this way because it's amazing that I got pregnant so quickly, especially at my age, and so many people try so hard and go through so many losses.  I don't want to go to the Drs. appts...I was supposed to do the blood glucose last week and haven't, plus the afp and I let that slip by and it's probably too late now.  I'm just in such a funk and I don't even want to talk with anyone about it because I don't want to hear the "oh, you'll be fine, you'll feel differently".  What's the matter with me?

OutdoorGirl10

Must be in the air today. I don't think anything's wrong with you. Maybe DH is just really excited and that's how he expresses it - through thinking about names and what to do with the nursery and what to buy. And maybe some of it is just his personality - if he's anything like my DH - when he thinks of something that needs to be done, he wants it done NOW, whether or not he's the one that actually needs to do it. 
About not wanting your lives to change...that's a toughie. I'm with you on that. Logically I know it will and I'm sure I'll resent some things, but the best advice I heard was to take the approach of adapting the baby to your lifestyle, instead of you revolving your life around the baby. Again, logically I know that there will be times when the baby/kid will rule the schedule and make me decline to do things I'd rather do. But I think the point was to not lose yourself or your marriage while raising a child.  Hugs.

harmonicbabe26

Something is DEFINITELY in the air... We went to visit our friends last night who had their second baby about 2 weeks ago and I caught such a funk there... Towards the end of the visit I was drifting more and more away into depressive thoughts and hardly listening to what my friend was saying to me... I feel a bit embarrassed now... She must think I'm some weirdo....Haha... Well to be completely honest part of it was nausea starting to kick in as it always does around 6pm.... Anywho.... I was watching my friend handling the newborn, BF him with the greatest ease, apparently he is the chillest baby ever... Sleeps all the time, never cries etc etc... And her older DD, who as a sidenote is the most perfect 3yo on the entire planet, no joke people, is just obsessed with him, she kept coming over to give him the gentlest of hugs and kisses... And I was sitting there having visions of me sitting with a screaming, colicky newborn (which is what my DD was), never asleep except when I was holding her (so I never got any rest), and I could just see my crazy DD coming over and whacking the new baby as she always whacks me and her dad (bc she thinks it's funny). On and not to mention that my friend's mom has been with her from day 1 taking care of their older child.... With us, my entire family lives in Europe, my DH's parents are disabled and we have no chance of any help of any kind. Unless we hire someone.... Oh and I am going to have a repeat csection on top of everything and I know ahead of time that I will not have an easy way BFing because of IGT.... Ughhhh... All I could think of was WHY WHY. WHY did I agree to this?... DH was the one pushing for #2... I would have been quite happy to stop and 1.... My friend kept saying how she forgot how much she loved the newborn stage and all I could think of was that I wish someone would just hand me a 2 year old without the awful messy young stage... I think I am having a bout of pre-partum depression.... Is there such a thing? I so badly wand a drink of wine about now... Haha....

Klavanga74

@harmonicababe26...sounds like we're in the same boat. #2 was a surprise for us as well and I was resentful and angry through the whole pregnancy. My first was also super colicky, never slept, etc. I didn't want to go through it again. Plus I loved her so much (despite the colicky craziness), that I couldn't imagine loving another like that. Of course, that changed and we had my son and he's pretty awesome, but that logic doesn't seem to be helping me now. I did call daycares today. Found one near my house so I can work and have some sanity a few days a week. I can already feeling the judgement oozing from my in-laws before we even tell them we're doing that. I'm guessing DH isn't nuts about it either but knows better than to challenge it. Any chance you can get help at night, even for a time? It's really a big financial commitment and I don't think my DH would have agreed to it with the first two, but he did this time. If he hadn't, I think I'd be pretty much out of my mind with anxiety at this point. Maybe look into it for at least a couple of weeks. A friend of mine said her mother's gift to her when she had kids was 24-hour help for two weeks and nighttime help for a month solid! Well, we won't be receiving any such gift, and we won't be getting help every night, but at least a few nights a week for a few weeks is something. Anyway, I can relate, too, to it being hard because everyone expects that you should be so excited. You put on the face people expect and it's exhausting. ANyway, enough rambling! I'm with you! We can commiserate together and I am truly hoping to snap out of it one of these days!

danieleandwayne

There may be something in the air-- but you may also be experiencing something caused by the hormones. I would talk with someone about it-- either a counselor or your OB/GYN. This may very well be a hormone thing. Or just a lifestyle/transition thing which is difficult and not abnormal.

I'm sorry you all are feeling that way. As much as there are times when I want to cry because I do NOT want to go through the newborn stage now that I will have an 18 month old as well, nor do I want to pump and scald milk again (I have excess lipase so my milk can't be stored without being scalded first)-- I feel like this is exactly what we feel will make our family complete. I wish you could feel the same way.  :-(

MrsL2B

I had a few "what have I gotten myself into" moments today, especially when I think about how this is a change that will forever affect my life and how old I'm going to be before this kid gets out of the house and I can go back to "normal." I'm excited about having an infant and a small child, but I think it would be really great if humans only took five years to grow up.

harmonicbabe26

@danieleandwayne‌ hey, if you have a minute, can you tell how scalding is done? I had that problem last time but only every now and then and I didn't bother researching more. Not sure it had something to do with timing of when I put milk in the fridge or what... Info would be super helpful!

danieleandwayne

@harmonicbabe26: Absolutely! I had it down to a science! So, the reason I had to do it is that I have excess lipase. If you have excess lipase for one child, you will ALWAYS have it. 2 kids, 10 kids, doesn't matter. Lipase is an enzyme in your milk that breaks down the fat. Excess lipase means the fat breaks down too fast and it makes the milk taste soapy and/or fishy. Everyone who has excess lipase does NOT have the same amount, so the milk fat in your milk will break down at a different rate than mine or someone else's does. 

So first, I did a test. I pumped some milk and tasted it (believe it or not, some women's milk goes soapy/fishy immediately). Then I left it out at room temperature and tested it every 15 minutes. I discovered that my milk starts to turn in one hour. Always good to know. 

Then, I did some research. Basically, you have to heat your milk to 150' for a few minutes (2? 5? I don't remember because it was easier to do the second option) or to 180' and then let it cool. Originally, I bought a digital thermometer (the kind you use for candy making) but then it broke and I didn't need it anymore anyhow. You can heat the milk over the stove but I don't recommend it-- it's SO easy to go from not hot enough to boiling. But IF you decide to go that route, watch it like a hawk (don't stir it) and you're okay if you notice the skin start to form on the surface and the edges start to form some bubbles. 

I personally prefer my bottle warmer with a timer. This one: https://www.amazon.com/Munchkin-Precision-Digital-Bottle-Warmer/dp/B006SFUCTK/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1400441310&sr=8-2&keywords=munchkin+bottle+warmer+timer

I also bought stainless steel bottles (two of them) to use in the warmer, so I didn't have to worry about melted plastic or glass shattering: https://www.amazon.com/Pura-Stainless-Kiki-Infant-Natural/dp/B002WGI5SE/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1400441395&sr=8-9&keywords=stainless+steel+baby+bottle

So. I pumped into the Medela bottles or Dr. Brown bottles that fit my Medela pump. Then I'd combine the two bottles of freshly pumped milk into a stainless steel bottle. Heat the milk for 5 minutes in the bottle warmer (I figured out when I was using the thermometer that 5 minutes was exactly the time it took for my typical 6-11 ounces of milk to reach 180'). Then I carefully lifted the bottle out of the warmer as soon as the timer went off and put it in cold or ice water until it stopped steaming. Then I'd transfer the milk into my milk storage bags and it was good for freezing or refrigerator. 

I hope that helps! 

Klavanga74

I will definitely talk to the midwife at my appt. next week. I would guess there is something hormonal going on for sure. I've been fine yesterday and today. Thursday and Friday were rough. I'm definitely having major mood swings. Part of it, I think, is that I'm not doing a great job taking care of myself, managing work, kids, household. I usually do it all, despite the fact that I know I could have help if I asked. With two older kids involved in lots of activities, this is a super busy time of year and it's easy to feel out of control. Thanks for all the advice, ladies!