Rough time....

Joyful Salima

Soooo I'm almost 42 and pregnant after lots of losses.   People don't get it, and I'm not very open about my emotions, but I feel after 7 losses, I am just not excited enough.  I tried to get excited and am still struggling. 

I haven't told my mom, haven't told my mother in law, my hubby told all his sisters, and I was angry.  

So far everything is so good with the baby and got Harmony results.  I also found out I'm having a boy.   Sigh.  I just want to enjoy it and be happy with everything. 

nikkiuk

Sounds completely normal after what you have been through - I imagine there is as awful lot of self-protection going on and who can blame you? I can't say I have been 'excited' about my pregnancy and I haven't gone through even a fraction of what you have. It doesn't mean I don't want the baby, it's just not the way I am. I rarely get excited about anything to be honest - is that how you are? 

Be kind to yourself, look after yourself and tell people when you are good and ready. Maybe the excitement will come, maybe it won't but if you are concerned about your emotional health, talk to your OB. Don't forget those hormones can create havoc too! ((((Hugs))))

Klavanga74

Don't be too hard on yourself.  I'm having a really hard time with this pregnancy (the pregnancy itself is fine) myself.  Just the reality of it is hard for me to grasp and I haven't had any losses, so I feel guilty for even feeling this way.  I was just jumping on here to post about it, actually.

Like nikkiuk said, be kind to yourself and take care of yourself.  

OutdoorGirl10

Like the PP said, try to not to be too hard on yourself, I agree it sounds like you're protecting yourself after all you've been through.  You feel how you feel and it makes complete sense. Give yourself time. I think some people expect that you'll be jumping off the walls with happiness and joy and that there's something wrong with you if not. You have every right to be cautious.

Mrs.McIrish

I can relate in a way but am very much aware that I am protecting my heart. I've had 8 IVF rounds and 2 losses. Waiting for the other shoe to drop is how I've lived the last 4 years. I can't just turn that off. DH gets mad at me for worrying and telling him all that can go wrong during pregnancy. I'm just trying to take each day as it comes and I can breath a little more with each milestone passes. When you've gone through hell, you don't just forget and immediately put on a happy face. Part of me cannot believe that I will ever get to hold these babies. I truly believe in IF PTSD.

Joyful Salima

Thanks ladies it's also trying to find the right support although I joined here a year ago We lost our boy to trisomy last year so I isn't even know I coud post stuff because the first page is so full!

danieleandwayne

I agree with pps-- how could you NOT be always thinking that this won't work out? It's always safer to expect the worst and hope for the best and after a lot of losses, you don't want to keep hoping for the best for fear of having those hopes dashed yet again. 

And not every person is a happy pregnant woman. Some people HATE HATE HATE being pregnant. It's just not for them. They love having a kid and being a mom, but hate the pregnancy part. Hang in there. You are not alone during these months. And this is a safe place to put all those emotions and thoughts out there that you can't share in RL. 

JustJainey

I'm glad I'm not the only one struggling to feel excited. I'm 41 and have only had one loss, but still feel like I need to tread carefully and not "tempt the fates" so to speak. We're waiting right now for the Panarama results to go public and perhaps that is holding some excitement at bay too.

I agree with what others have said about taking care of yourself and would add not to compare your experience to others (which is very difficult imho). Other people may do or feel differently, but they haven't had your experiences. And they aren't you, so may very well cope in different ways.

Hoping things look up for you soon!

Joyful Salima

@all eventhough we are so anxious anyone else going to try for just one nmore?  we are because of our age we want our boy to have a sibling!

Mrs.McIrish

Joyful Salima said:

@all eventhough we are so anxious anyone else going to try for just one nmore?  we are because of our age we want our boy to have a sibling!

This is it for us. No more $ after spending a fortune for treatments. We have no embryos left. That's why we are so grateful for twins since they get an automatic sibling.

danieleandwayne

I'm pregnant with #2 so that our DD can have a sibling. It's the reason we're apparently doing 2 under 2 yrs old! Otherwise, I'd be pulling my hair out. But I'm not going to complain that we got pregnant this time in only the first cycle! I did not enjoy the 15 months and a loss that it took to get DD!