Local fundraiser rant

cassied7

There was a fundraiser in my town held last night in the local church for a 24 year old woman with a rare heart disease. Her doctors gave her 10 years to live. The fundraiser was to raise money for her to adopt a child/get invitro so she can experience having a child before her passing. Am I the only person who thinks that this is a horrible idea and kind of selfish? The poor child would inevitably end up growing up without a mother. I totally understand the want or need to raise a child in your life, but at some point, you need to think about the lasting effects this situation would have on the child.

Kate_C

Nope, you are not alone in your thoughts.

KrisM86

Yikes. I completely understand wanting a child, but I can't imagine being okay bringing a child into the world KNOWING I would die in 10 years or less. That seems incredibly selfish to me.

ETA: I'm assuming she's not married or with someone she would raise the child with. I'd feel a little differently if that were the case.

MsAmeera25

I wouldn't personally do it, but I can't imagine not being a mother so I can't judge her for wanting to experience it or giving her husband a child.

cassied7

She is married. My thoughts on that are, that would be a huge burden for him to provide for and care for this child alone. I realize that everyone can do it alone if need be, but why bring that upon yourself when you know the outcome.

Kate_C

cassied7 said:

She is married. My thoughts on that are, that would be a huge burden for him to provide for and care for this child alone. I realize that everyone can do it alone if need be, but why bring that upon yourself when you know the outcome.

Hmm that does change my opinion some. When you said IVF or adoption, I guess I assumed she was single. If she and her husband are both on board, it's their choice. Not sure I would make the same choice but I understand the sentiment.

KrisM86

Yeah, that's still a complicated situation, but if she's married, I certainly don't judge them. If her husband is on board and is prepared & willing to raise their child alone knowing she will die, more power to them. Plus, the above posters made a good point about medical advancements in the next 10 years.

My main issue when I thought she was single was that she'd be raising a child who would not only lose his/her mother, but his/her only parent.

JSS1002

Is she IF?

I'm not a fan of this concept.  BUT, I would never want to be a single parent, nor would my husband, and would probably be ok never having kids if I knew that was in the cards for me.  I would want to focus every single day on living life to the fullest and working on getting healthy, not caring for somebody else.  

Ultimately, if people feel it is okay, they will raise the money and move forward.  I personally would not donate to that cause.

tondraluv

rgrundon said:

My biggest fear would be that her body/heart wouldn't be able to handle pregnancy and childbirth so she could be cutting her life even shorter. 10 years in a long time for a possible "cure" but I couldn't imagine leaving my child motherless, but I also couldn't imagine not being a mother. Not sure how I'd feel about it, or if I'd want to contribute.

This is what I was thinking.  

kgs0505

Uh, I don't think she'd get approved for adoption, especially international. And make no mistake, there are plenty of people lined up for newborn domestic adoption. It's the foster system and older kids who have the need of loving parents.
If she wants to do IVF and put her life at risk, that's up to her. But to ask the public to help pay for this? I don't think so. One of the mom's in my twin club just lost her life to breast cancer. She left behind 5 yo twin boys. One of whom is terminal himself. It's a horrible situation for that family. And that mom had no idea she was going to get cancer and die from it. I'm not sure the point of t that story, but the fundraising we've done havsto do with the son's condition (krabbe disease) and providing meals while she had chemo treatments and later when she was very sick.