needing support lately

mmsweeney1

Well it's been a rough week!

I recently posted about finding out we have a velamentous cord insertion and then yesterday I got the news that I failed the 1 hour glucose test. I know even if I have GD it's not the end of the world... but I just cried forever last night because I feel like everything's going wrong. Since my loss was 39 weeks, I will never feel like I'm at a "safe" point of this pregnancy and it's like the worries keep piling on.

I have decided to schedule a c-section because of the baby's cord issue. I know it's the safest option for me, and I can't even tolerate the smallest risk that something will go wrong during her birth. And I know it's sooo selfish to even say this, but I am actually having a hard time accepting the fact that my only real birth experience will be my stillbirth. Again, I know the only thing that should matter is bringing home our little girl, but I'm just having a hard time I guess.

Please send T&Ps that things will turn around!

ToriGirl2014

T&Ps to you.  Hopefully you find some peace with the decision.

jess123456

Hugs and thoughts and prayers to you and your baby girl.

megbmeg

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. It's a lot to process at once, especially on top of your regular pregnancy fears. I would say that it's great that you are thinking ahead and doing everything you can to keep LO as safe as possible. And at the same time it is totally fine to feel sad and angry about the CS and other struggles. It's not what you expected and it sounds like one more reminder of your loss. I'll keep my FX for you that the 3 hr test goes a lot better. Take care!!

jenkellen

I echo what everyone has said. I also wonder if having a different birth experience will help you separate the two. You won't be going through the same things during delivery as last time so it may help you through pgal fears. I'm not sure if this makes any sense. Sending you hugs!!

mmsweeney1

Thank you all! I am afraid to say these things to people "in real life" so I appreciate your support.
I know once I am holding a healthy baby girl it will all be obvious that it was worthwhile.

@happyin14 It's such a nice way to say it that I am already acting like her mom and putting her first. Thank you

@jenkellen It's a great point that maybe a different birth experience will be helpful because of pgal brain.

KMW08

(((Hugs))) I hope some of the pgal anxiety eases up for you.

Eliz77

Sorry to hear things have been rough. T&Ps to you all works out as well as possible! ((HUGS))

rmpar29

I'm so sorry that you are struggling!  GD just sucks, there's no way to sugar coat it, but it is treatable and you can certainly bring home a healthy baby!  I had horrible GD with my twin boys and so feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or vent.  I'm sorry that the option of a vaginal birth has been taken away.  It's just unfair, but just focus on bringing home your baby.

Many (((((HUGS)))))) honey!

SandSunBliss

jenkellen said:

I echo what everyone has said. I also wonder if having a different birth experience will help you separate the two. You won't be going through the same things during delivery as last time so it may help you through pgal fears. I'm not sure if this makes any sense. Sending you hugs!!

This exactly. And lots of hugs to you. I hope that you pass your 3 hour test AF that the rest of yor pregnancy is surprise free.

JustinsGirl2011

I am so sorry you are going through all of this. The pps have you so awesome advice so I will just offer big squishy ((hugs)) & keep you in my T&Ps. I hope you pass your 3 hour test!

slensic

I am so sorry you are having a rough time. It's ok to mourn how you thought things would go, yes the most important thing is a healthy baby at the end but your feelings are completely valid. Lots of ((hugs)) for you. 

mmsweeney1

Thanks ladies. I tried to take a deep breath and give myself an attitude adjustment today. I am excited to have our little girl one way or another. 100 days until our due date today AND she will be 2-3 weeks early. Getting so close!