PAL

Noethola

Welcome to the PAL check-in! Please feel free to ask questions (whether or not you are PAL) and get to know one another and the journey each person is on. Welcome to all those who had babies these last few weeks. 

Introduce your new baby if you have recently delivered, or if you have recently joined us and have older children. 

Do you have any upcoming milestones?

How has this week been for you? Mother's Day has passed, where you able to handle it okay? 

QOTW: Where is your  favorite place to visit in the town/city you live in?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

Any questions for the group?

Noethola

Do you have any upcoming milestones? None that I can think of right now.

How has this week been for you? Mother's Day has passed, where you able to handle it okay? I had my breakdown. It was a stab each "happy mother's day" I got. Even from family, who often talk about Elsie. One said "Happy Mother's Day new mama." Im not really a new mama...

QOTW: Where is your favorite place to visit in the town/city you live in? I enjoy the outdoor activities around here. There is a river that is great for canoeing and a biking/walking trail that is next to it that goes for about 40 miles. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Just dealing with the every day. 

jbranden12

Do you have any upcoming milestones? Patricia's due date was May 30, this will be the third one. I think the pain of the day is lessening, but the first week of June we are going to visit family and I will have to see my baby cousin who was born on her exact due date for the first time. He also has a healthy new baby brother. I know it's going to hurt and I'll probably cry.

How has this week been for you? Mother's Day has passed, where you able to handle it okay? Yeah, it's strange. I think I've just shut down emotionally a little bit. With Anna we have to live in the now. When I look back, I hurt too much. When I look forward, I fear too much. I have to stay strong for her or I'll just self destruct. 

QOTW: Where is your  favorite place to visit in the town/city you live in? The botanical gardens. I love being in nature because it makes me feel more grounded, ha. We went there the day we found out Patricia died but had to leave because there were so many babies and small children. It was also the first place we took Anna after we got home from the NICU. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Tomorrow we are leaving for a two week trip to Europe. DH and I aren't really in a great place right now, no big fights just not really connecting, so I'm worried about how it's going to go. I tend to need extra TLC when we stay with his family but I know he is worried about trying to make everyone happy and we both feel so guilty about living so far away with the only grandchild. I just hope Anna travels well and sleeps!!

Noethola

@jbranden12 Praying for you on your trip. I sincerely hope that Anna does great and you and your DH are able to reconnect.

jbranden12

Thanks @Noethola!

Dixon813

Do you have any upcoming milestones?  Leah, Rachel and Gabriel's birthday is right around the corner - May 27th.  We'll be celebrating my birthday (and two of my brothers who also have May birthdays) on the 24th - part of me really wants to do something to honor the triplets with my whole family around, but I don't know what/DH doesn't really want to.  We plan on going to their "tree" (at my parents' house) on their birthday and just spend time there... I want to "do" more, but don't know what there is to "do"...

How has this week been for you? Mother's Day has passed, where you able to handle it okay? I've never liked Mother's Day since DH and I got married because most people don't recognize me as a stepmom (even though SS is with us 50% of the time and anyone that sees us together knows that I'm his parent...  So when I got a handful of "Oh, your first Mother's day" I cringed so, so much.  On a happy note, I had a couple friends reach out and recognize ALL my kids (DS, SS, and the triplets) and that made my day. 

QOTW: Where is your  favorite place to visit in the town/city you live in?  We have awesome Metropark trails all over that are great for walks.  We're also pretty close to Lake Erie.  Not the prettiest body of water, but I find a lot of peace near water.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?  DH has to travel for work this weekend and I'm really scared/nervous to be alone (yet, I have too much pride to call in help!).  I'm just dreading him being gone.

ajsweeton

This is my first check-in since delivering. Caroline and Oliver were born 4/21 at 8:41 and 8:42 am via csection. They were healthy and required no NICU time thank goodness. I was able to have them with me in recovery. I was so glad that I didn't have to have them be away from me at all. I didn't want anyone to take them from me. To be honest I still feel like this isn't real. Like I'm just taking care of someone else's babies. It's so hard to believe that after 3 years of trying to have a baby and losing Elliott and Ryland that I actually have 2 beautiful babies of my own.

Do you have any upcoming milestones?
Not really.

How has this week been for you? Mother's Day has passed, where you able to handle it okay?
I had a really hard time with Mother's Day. I was wished happy 1st Mother's Day a lot which was really hard. I was able to celebrate this year though, whereas last year I wanted to do everything possible to just ignore the day.

QOTW: Where is your favorite place to visit in the town/city you live in? I love our library. It's beautiful and I love the smell of the books when I walk in. There's such a comforting feeling there.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I'm just struggling with taking care of two babies right now. I don't know how I could possibly do this if it wasn't for my mom and my mil.

Any questions for the group? How do you deal with the anxiety after having living children? I find myself so scared to death that they will stop breathing in the night, or that something will happen to them.

Noethola

ajsweeton said:

Any questions for the group? How do you deal with the anxiety after having living children? I find myself so scared to death that they will stop breathing in the night, or that something will happen to them.

@ajsweeton Congrats on your little loves! So thankful all went well and they required no nicu time. In answer to your question, its really one day at a time. I still wake up wondering if he is breathing, and what I would do if he wasn't. My mom even took my son for  a walk, and all I could think of was what if they got hit by a car? What if someone kidnapped them? Etc. Its ridiculous, but where my bran goes. I just keep telling myself everyday that he is okay, but it is so hard not to worry about it. I am sure its compounded for you with two to think of!

lrichmond86

ajsweeton said:

This is my first check-in since delivering. Caroline and Oliver were born 4/21 at 8:41 and 8:42 am via csection. They were healthy and required no NICU time thank goodness. I was able to have them with me in recovery. I was so glad that I didn't have to have them be away from me at all. I didn't want anyone to take them from me. To be honest I still feel like this isn't real. Like I'm just taking care of someone else's babies. It's so hard to believe that after 3 years of trying to have a baby and losing Elliott and Ryland that I actually have 2 beautiful babies of my own.

Do you have any upcoming milestones?
Not really.

How has this week been for you? Mother's Day has passed, where you able to handle it okay?
I had a really hard time with Mother's Day. I was wished happy 1st Mother's Day a lot which was really hard. I was able to celebrate this year though, whereas last year I wanted to do everything possible to just ignore the day.

QOTW: Where is your favorite place to visit in the town/city you live in? I love our library. It's beautiful and I love the smell of the books when I walk in. There's such a comforting feeling there.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I'm just struggling with taking care of two babies right now. I don't know how I could possibly do this if it wasn't for my mom and my mil.

Any questions for the group? How do you deal with the anxiety after having living children? I find myself so scared to death that they will stop breathing in the night, or that something will happen to them.

Congratulations! I had the same feeling after having Aubrey, Like it wasn't real our she was not really mine. I was waiting for someone to take her back. In regards to the anxiety it never goes away (yet anyway) but it does get easier. I still worry she wont wakeup every night and now that she's chowing down finger foods like a champ I worry about choking. But I'm able to control my worries more now. Try not to get so caught up in the anxiety that you don't enjoy this phase because it goes by way too fast!

Xath

@ajsweetson I deal by allowing myself to give into the paranoia a bit.  DS1 will be 3 in July and still sleeps on an AngelCare monitor.  DS2 will get an AngelCare when he moves into a crib.  For now, he has a Snuuza in his bassinet.  I think that fear is there to a varying degree with all parents; I just don't feel any guilt about allowing myself to give into it now.  Anything to lower your own stress level will help you be a better and calmer parent to your babies.  

gracie5107

Do you have any upcoming milestones?   Nope. 

How has this week been for you? Mother's Day has passed, where you able to handle it okay? It was a sad and somber weekend for me.  This weekend was also my 35th birthday.  I kept thinking about how happy I had imagined this weekend being with a newborn.  I had also planned on being finished with having children by 35 and Juliana was going to come at the perfect time.  I went about the weekend doing things we had planned such as planting flowers, going out to dinner, etc.  However, I couldn't get based an overall feeling of depression.   

QOTW: Where is your  favorite place to visit in the town/city you live in?  There is a German Village section of our city.  It is very quaint and I love just wandering around there looking at houses and exploring the shops, churches, etc. that are there.  It is especially fun to do this in the spring when everyone has flowers out.  We will actually be going there tomorrow night for pizza.  I hope DS will be up for walking around a bit after dinner. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?  The last couple weeks of school.  We are almost done for the year and I am looking forward to more free time with my son.  But I am also worried about thinking too much about our loss or getting too consumed with TTC once I don't have work to think about.  Hopefully I can just make sure DS and I have a busy and fun schedule. 

angelsnight

Do you have any upcoming milestones?  Sort of...Emily is being baptized next month, so it's the first of many things that I am so happy we get to do, but so sad we never got to do them with Kayla.

How has this week been for you? Mother's Day has passed, where you able to handle it okay?  I was, it was a pretty nice day, but I got several "happy first mother's day" and they all made me angry.  My brother and SIL even said this...I expected it from people I am not as close with, but shocked that they said it.

QOTW: Where is your  favorite place to visit in the town/city you live in?  There is a two lane road that goes through our city for several miles and has park areas on either side of the road.  The trees are beautiful, and I've spent many summers biking on the shoulder.  Once the weather decides to act like spring I plan on taking LO for walks there.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?  Before LO was born, I always said she will not replace my angel, and that no matter how much I love her, I won't be able to look at our angel's passing as a good thing because now she is here, since Emily would never have been born if Kayla hadn't died.  But now that she is here, I cannot imagine my life without her.  That's not saying I am glad we lost Kayla or the ridiculous phrase, everything happens for a reason.  If I had it my way I would have both my girls here with me...I guess it just makes me feel guilty to love Emily as much as I do.

angelsnight

@ajsweeton, I had terrible anxiety for the first couple weeks after our rainbow arrived.  I dreaded bed time, I hated to leave her and I always felt like I was sleeping with one eye open.  I started 100mg of Zoloft about 1 week PP so I am not sure if it's from that, or just time but I'm feeling much better now at 8 weeks PP.

Like PP said, do whatever you need to do to feel better.  Despite having a video monitor (which is a Godsend by the way) I still have to open her door and check on her before going to bed.  She's usually a wiggly sleeper, so even once I am in bed and if I can't sleep, I'll stare at the monitor until I see her move.  If she doesn't, I'll get up a check on her.  Just today she was sleeping soundly in her swing and I cannot see if her chest is rising when she's rocking back and forth, so I picked up her hand and bugged her a few times until she moved.

I have a mirror in the car so I can see her as I am driving.  I've also researched SIDS a lot and do everything I can to prevent it....I dress her on the cooler side, make sure she's on her back, nothing in the crib, ceiling fan on low.  The anxiety gets better, hang in there.

lrichmond86

angelsnight said:

@ajsweeton, I had terrible anxiety for the first couple weeks after our rainbow arrived.  I dreaded bed time, I hated to leave her and I always felt like I was sleeping with one eye open.  I started 100mg of Zoloft about 1 week PP so I am not sure if it's from that, or just time but I'm feeling much better now at 8 weeks PP.

Like PP said, do whatever you need to do to feel better.  Despite having a video monitor (which is a Godsend by the way) I still have to open her door and check on her before going to bed.  She's usually a wiggly sleeper, so even once I am in bed and if I can't sleep, I'll stare at the monitor until I see her move.  If she doesn't, I'll get up a check on her.  Just today she was sleeping soundly in her swing and I cannot see if her chest is rising when she's rocking back and forth, so I picked up her hand and bugged her a few times until she moved.

I have a mirror in the car so I can see her as I am driving.  I've also researched SIDS a lot and do everything I can to prevent it....I dress her on the cooler side, make sure she's on her back, nothing in the crib, ceiling fan on low.  The anxiety gets better, hang in there.

This is me to a tee.